Gay Patricia Matheson - Your Guide to Self-Actualization: How to Be Happy, Successful, and Free

Your Guide to Self-actualization

How To Be Happy, Successful, And Free

Make the rest...the best

Gay Patricia Matheson

Copyright 2021 by Gay Patricia Matheson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery Getty Images.

Rev. date: 09/29/2021

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Contents

Dedication

To Dean, the love of my life, a dream come true I didnt even know I was dreaming.

And to all my incredible clients who had the courage to roll up their sleeves and do the work necessary to transform their lives.

If you havent seen the classic film The Wizard of Oz with Judy Garland, I highly suggest you get it and watch it. If youve already seen it, I urge you to watch it again. There couldnt be a more perfect metaphor for reaching your full potential or becoming self-actualized.

In the beginning, we find the main character, Dorothy, living in a black-and-white world (dissatisfaction). Consumed by fear of loss, she finds herself lost and afraid. In spite of this, Dorothys drive to get home (becoming self-actualized) pushes her to begin her search. In doing so, the Good Witch (her spiritual guide) magically appears to help her. With the support and direction of the Good Witch, Dorothy begins her journey. And as she does, her world transforms into brilliant color.

I think there is some part in all of us that yearns for something more, that place, somewhere over the rainbow, where were happy, successful, and free. Call it the souls song, the deep part of ourselves long forgotten and obscured by our busy daily lives. When a baby pops out of the womb, what you see is authentic. The baby may be laughing one moment, crying the next, and then laughing once again. It moves fluidly through all its emotions with ease. Not a trace of inhibition. They are alive with feelings! Their life at this point is like a color television. They havent learned to suppress their feelings or to make a good presentation. These things happen over time. Gradually, we learn to adapt to our circumstances so as not to be abandoned or to experience pain. We unconsciously ingest familial and societal programs and develop a vast array of coping mechanisms. When we suppress our feelings, we suppress all our feelings. Its not as if we can suppress the pain without muting the pleasure as well. Its a dulling out of our aliveness, which is the full experience of all our feelings. Slowly but surely, we move from a life of aliveness and color to a new baseline of black and white. The world of black and white that develops over time is more of a flatline. We still have high times, like getting a promotion, or low times, the family dog dies, but basically, we have sacrificed our aliveness in life for perceived safety.

The goal of this book is to show you how to live in brilliant color once again. To experience the aliveness of life joyously, with all its ups and downs. You see, that somewhere over the rainbow isnt a place, its a state of mind, and its available to all of us. And Im going to show you how to get it, and in the process, you will realize how amazing you are and how juicy it is to live life happy, successful, and free.

Chapter 1

Magic

So what is self-actualization anyway? The German psychiatrist, Kurt Goldstein, coined the word, but it was the psychologist, Abraham Maslow, in the last century, who made it famous. Abraham Maslow came along and studied the healthiest of people; he wanted to know the qualities and characteristics that made them so. He considered self-actualization the highest level of psychological development an individual could attain, and its composed of the top 1% of society. Self-actualization contends that individuals are motivated to fulfill their potential, a desire that could lead to realizing ones capabilities. Self-actualization is growth-motivated rather than deficiency-motivated. In other words, self-actualization does not stem from a lack of something but from a desire to be more, to be larger than we thought we were.

What makes a person self-actualized? Simple, they have created the life they want. They are doing what they want to provide for themselves; they find joy and passion in their careers. They make the kind of income they want; that might be $40,000 a year as a gardener or $500,000 a year as a CEO of a company. The amount doesnt matter; the point is they make what they want to make. They have the love interests they want to have. This could be a traditional love relationship, or it could be a seventy-year-old woman with a circle of great friends, or it could be someone running an ashram, an orphanage, or a pet rescue. Once again, these individuals are able to produce what they want, and what do they get from it? Satisfaction and joy. That doesnt mean their situations remain static. If new needs, desires or situations arise, self-actualized individuals are able to adapt, pivet, and once again create a fulfilling life for themselves.

In the movie The Wizard of Oz , we find Dorothy dissatisfied with life, living in a world of black and white. Along comes a tornado that uproots everything in Dorothys world. Its like what happens in our lives when we realize life is not enough without passion, excitement, and joy. From there, Dorothy begins her journey, and she steps into color. Though her journey is hard, its brilliantly alive with color. And in the end, it was navigating all the obstacles that got her to where she wanted to be home.

Happiness is our home; its where we are meant to be. I believe its our birthright. I cant imagine that we exist on the earth without the capacity to make our lives great and achieve happiness. Thats what drove me to therapy at forty. I had been to therapy for situational problems over the years, but I never committed to real self-analysis. My life was not bad, it just felt as if something was missing. Something was eluding me, and I couldnt put my finger on it. I had high times and low times, successes and failures, just like everyone else, but there was an undercurrent of unease that I was only vaguely aware of. I wondered what it would be like to be completely contented and joyous in life, that sounded like enlightenment to me. But I didnt know how to get there. Throughout the years, I tried many different things: read a million books; attended workshops, seminars, and retreats; implemented various programs, strategies, and systems. You name it, I tried it. I am grateful for all these things as each of these brought me yet to another level of awareness. But far and away, it was through the examining of my own mind through therapy that started turning my life into an exciting adventure that I continue to enjoy today. This is what inspired me to be a therapist: I wanted to help others achieve the same juicy life that I was able to achieve and maintain. Thats why I wanted to write this bookto help others learn to unlock the door of their own happiness.