Shakti Gawain - The Relationship Handbook: A Path to Consciousness, Healing, and Growth

Also by Shakti Gawain

Awakening

Creating True Prosperity

Creative Visualization

Creative Visualization Deck

Creative Visualization Workbook

Developing Intuition

The Four Levels of Healing

Living in the Light

Meditations

The Path of Transformation

Reflections in the Light

Nataraj Publishing

a division of

New World Library

14 Pamaron Way

Novato, CA 94949

Copyright 2014 by Shakti Gawain and Gina Vucci

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of others.

Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Gawain, Shakti, date.

The relationship handbook : a path to consciousness, healing, and growth / Shakti Gawain and Gina Vucci.

pages cm

ISBN 978-1-57731-473-8 (paperback)

1. Self-actualization (Psychology) 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Conduct of life. I. Vucci, Gina. II. Title.

BF637.S4G3935 2014

158.2dc23

2014031870

First printing, November 2014

ISBN 978-1-60868-473-8

Printed in the USA

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Most of us have a desire to connect deeply with others. We long to give and receive love and to share with each other in many ways. Often, however, we find the closeness we desire to be elusive. Relationships of all kinds may come and go, or they may change. At times, relationships can be very painful. Many of us have not had very good role models for relating to others, especially within our families or among those closest to us. We are all doing the best we can to figure out how to be the best parents, friends, partners, brothers, sisters, daughters, and sons to one another. As the old adage goes, When we were born, they forgot to send the manual!

Fortunately, we are living in a time of great change and discovery. Were learning new ways of living more consciously, and one of the main ways we are learning is through our relationships. More and more people are seeking help and understanding about how relationships work not just our intimate partnerships but all our relationships. Many people who seek help for their relationships want to improve them (although we tend to secretly think its the person were having trouble with who needs to do most of the improving!). A desire to relate to others in a healthier and more fulfilling way is a worthy goal, and learning to communicate effectively can improve all our relationships. Communication is a tool we are continually developing, especially as we grow and change and learn more about ourselves.

Countless psychologists and teachers, with a variety of perspectives and different types of wisdom, focus on helping people improve their relationships. Many of these teachers are extremely effective and very helpful to their clients, but they usually focus on the relationship itself.

There is a different approach to relationships, however. This perspective is not found in popular relationship models, and yet it is the most powerful path to increased awareness that I have ever experienced. It is the understanding that our relationships are our teachers and can guide us through our lives if we know how to use them that way. This approach shifts the focus away from the relationship itself and instead looks at what we are experiencing in the relationship and what that can teach us about ourselves and our inner process.

Regardless of whether we stay in a relationship or move on from it, every relationship is an opportunity for us to learn about ourselves and to grow. Working with my relationships in this way has been the most powerful and comprehensive path to consciousness I have experienced, and I love to pass it on to other people.

When we view relationships as a path of consciousness, we recognize that the most important relationship we have is with ourself. Ultimately, this is our primary relationship, the one that provides the foundation for the rest of our life. All other relationships are mirrors reflecting back to us what we may or may not know about ourselves. The process of using these reflections to learn about our development and ourselves helps us to become conscious, integrated beings. And each of our relationships, when viewed in this way, can become a powerful journey into healing and wholeness.

In this book, you will discover how you can use your relationships as a path to greater awareness. You will find out exactly how problem areas in your relationships reflect valuable lessons you need to learn so that you can experience more fulfillment and satisfaction in life. If you are conflicted about a particular relationship in your life, you will come to recognize that it, like all relationships, offers an opportunity for you to find healing and growth.

In addition to recognizing how you can use your relationships as a path of consciousness, you will also learn how to use tools that bring clarity and healing to your relationships, including creative visualization, affirmations, and Voice Dialogue and facilitation exercises.

Some issues we will work with include the following:

Becoming aware of and healing our unconscious patterns

Understanding how to use the mirror of relationships

Using the trouble spots in relationships to guide us toward healing

Communicating more successfully

Balancing closeness and independence

Experiencing more fulfilling relationships with everyone in our lives

The path of consciousness is never-ending and always an adventure. The universe is constantly revealing more to us as we continue on our journey. This book will serve as a guide that you can refer back to time and again as your path continues to unfold.

I wrote this book with Gina Vucci, my longtime manager, friend, and workshop coleader. The book is based on the format of the Relationship Workshop that we have been leading together for years. I open our workshops with an introduction that includes my story, and then I turn it over to Gina to lead exercises exploring creative visualization (which begin and close our workshops) and the transformative work with the selves. The Relationship Workshop is typically held over a weekend, and it has been one of the most powerful workshops weve offered. I am thrilled to be able to share this important work with you through this book.

I have been fascinated with relationship , family, and community all my life. As I look back, I can see that at certain times I have deeply longed for closeness and connection. I believe that much of this yearning came from experiences in my early childhood and family.