Hal Stone - Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship (Gawain, Shakti)
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Partnering: A New Kind of Relationship (Gawain, Shakti)
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Famed therapists Hal and Sidra Stone show readers how to turn their relationships into true joint ventures - ones in which partners balance their need for relationship with their need for individuality, relinquish judgment and criticism, improve their decision-making and communication abilities, celebrate their sensuality and sexuality, and include children in their lives without sacrificing their own relationship. The Stones greatest contribution has been revealing the many selves that make up our personalities. In this book, they show how those selves impact our relationships, and they offer both general concepts and specific tips that will help couples of all kinds succeed.
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New World Library 14 Pamaron Way Novato, California 94949
2000 by Hal Stone, Ph.D. and Sidra L. Stone, Ph.D.
Edited by Gina Misiroglu Front cover design by Peri Poloni Art direction and text design by Mary Ann Casler
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, or transmitted in any form, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review; nor may any part of this book be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other, without written permission from the publisher.
The authors of this book do not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical or mental problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. In the event you use any of the information in this book, neither the authors nor the publisher can assume any responsibility for your actions. The intent of the authors is to offer information of a general nature to help your quest for personal growth.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Stone, Hal. Partnering : a new kind of relationship : how to love each other without losing yourselves / by Hal Stone and Sidra L. Stone p. cm. ISBN 1-57731-107-8 (alk. paper) 1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Intimacy (Psychology) I. Stone, Sidra, 1937- II. Title.
HQ801.S845 2000 306.7-dc21 99-049353
First Printing, January 2000 ISBN 1-57731-107-8 Printed in Canada on acid-free paper Distributed to the trade by Publishers Group West
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Page v
To Lisa and Little Harry, who started it all
Page vi
CONTENTS
Introduction
ix
Section 1 A New Way of Looking at Partnering
Chapter 1 Relationship As a Joint Venture
17
Chapter 2 But I Thought I Was Married to Just One Person! Our "Selves" in Relationship
39
Chapter 3 Mapmaking for Partners: Understanding the Patterns in Your Relationship
71
Chapter 4 Vulnerability: The Key to Intimacy and Beyond
99
Chapter 5 The Magic of Linkage: Energetic Connection As a Healing Force
115
Page vii
Section 2 Enhancing Relationship
Chapter 6 Passionate Partnering: Sexuality and Sensuality beyond the Bedroom
139
Chapter 7 Partnering As a Business Venture: Learning to Share the Details of Life
167
Chapter 8 Partnering and Parenting: A Couple's Guide to Romance
181
Chapter 9 The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
197
Chapter 10 Partners on the Path: Spirituality and Partnering
217
Afterword The Star Maiden's Basket
239
Acknowledgments
241
About the Authors
245
Books and Tapes by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone
247
Additional Resources
251
Page ix
INTRODUCTION
This book is about relationship. The basic ideas that we are presenting apply to all relationships, but our emphasis is on primary relationships where two people are living together over time. Many of us grew up believing that the idea of love was very simple. You met someone and fell in love and if love was present then that was all that was necessary for a great relationship. You lived happily ever after. At least this was the fairy-tale fantasy that many people bought into. But we have noticed that this is not how it is in the real world. Although love is very important to most people, it alone will not do the job of preserving relationship. You need love and you need a commitment to working toward personal growth for yourselves and for the relationship as well. The personal work gives you the means to deal with the amazing variety of challenges that can destroy love, and the love gives you the magical elixir that makes all the work worthwhile.
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