Tian Dayton - Daily Affirmations for Forgiving and Moving On

Health Communications, Inc.

Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.hcibooks.com

Tian Dayton, Ph.D.

Innerlook, Inc.

262 Central Park West

New York, New York 10024

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available through the Library of Congress

ISBN-13: 978-1-55874-215-4 (Paperback)

ISBN-10: 1-55874-215-8 (Paperback)

ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-9331-0 (ePub)

ISBN-10: 0-7573-9331-4 (e-Pub)

1992, 2010 Tian Dayton

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.

3201 S.W. 15th Street

Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Cover design by Robert Cannata

Interior design and formatting by Lawna Patterson Oldfield

ePub created by Dawn Von Strolley Grove

Dedication

______________________________

I remember having an argument on my Grandmothers front stairs with my cousin when I was about five. He insisted that our grandmother was his alone. I, being the older, tried to explain to him that she really belonged to both of us. But, upon reflection, this is her magic. That somehow she has given each of us the feeling that she is our own private Grammie, belonging to each of us in a very special way.

I would like to dedicate this book to you, Grammie. Thank you for your steadiness, faith and love. It has embodied forgiving and moving on for all of us.

Acknowledgments

I would like to extend my appreciation to Marie Stilkind for feeling the importance of this subject and supporting its publication. Many thanks to Marie Stilkind and Diane Zarowin for their skillful and conscientious editing. Thanks go to Dr. Benny Pascario for always being there in such important ways. Much love to my family of origin and extended family for being in some deep sense a part of all the pages in this book. Great fondness and gratitude to my friends, to the 12-Step program and to my wonderful clients and students. Lastly, thank you always to my husband, Brandt, and our children, Marina and Alex, just for being them and letting me be me.

People say that what were all seeking is a meaning for life... I dont think thats what were really seeking. I think what were seeking is an experience of being alive so that the life experiences that we have on a purely physical plane will have resonances within that are those of our innermost being... Were so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget that its the inner value that is the rapture associated with being alive that its all about...

The ultimate mystery of being is beyond all mystery of thought.

Joseph Campbell

Introduction

T here is a point in recovery when we seem to stand in the center of our own decision about who we are and how we want to be. It comes after enough of the past pain, resentment and grief has been spent, enough deep holes and yearnings have been filled, enough baggage from the past dealt with to restore ourselves to a good enough status, ready to meet life more or less as it is happening.

At this point we need to recognize which attitudes and behavior patterns will serve us throughout the rest of our lives and which need to be let go of. Can the lives we have envisioned for ourselves in recovery flourish under the weight of carried resentment from the past? What does it cost us in terms of happiness and well-being to hang on to blame and hurt?

We cannot do a flying leap over pain and resentment to forgiveness without first working through those feelings and restoring our lost sense of self. Similarly, we cannot step over forgiveness and truly be in full possession of our selves and our happiness. Forgiveness and letting go are part of our road to happiness. Our road to health could be broken down into these steps:

1.Recognizing a need to change.

2.Reaching out for help toward people or a Higher Power.

3.Allowing past pain, anger, resentment and grief to come to the surface and be felt in the present.

4.Identifying developmental gaps and rebuilding a self.

5.Sharing these feelings with others, gaining and giving support, acceptance and nurturing.

6.Accepting our selves and our lives as they are.

7.Forgiving and letting go of or making peace with the past.

8.Restoring trust in self, relationships, life and a Higher Power.

9.Becoming willing or able to live life one day at a time in the present.

Forgiveness and letting go are steps on our road back to health and happiness. Without them we will never be free of our pasts. We deserve to move on. We need not be held hostage to our pasts if we are willing to release and grow beyond them.

Only we can ultimately free ourselves. No one can do this for us. Forgiving & Moving On is a book of daily affirmations to assist in this process and a sharing of experience, strength and hope along the way.

January 1

Believing In Inner Healing

T oday I will do my part to follow through on an inner change. When something inside of me has truly been worked through and released, I will believe in it. I have been restored to sanity. It is in my ability to believe in this that will make it real in my day-to-day life. When I refuse to really accept that an inner transformation has taken place, I sabotage my own getting wellI take away the inner healing by telling myself that it is not real. I have the courage today to believe that a Higher Power is at work in my life and that I am meant to be whole and happy.

I have the courage to heal.

__________

Work and lovethese are the basics;

Waking life is a dream controlled.

George Santayana

January 2

Forgiveness

T oday I understand the true meaning of forgiveness. I had thought that forgiving was what good and nice people did. I thought I should do it because it was the right thing to do. I now understand that to forgive someone else is to forgive myself. When I hold anger in my mind, my unconscious does not know for whom that feeling is meantit only knows that it is a container for resentment. To forgive is to let go and to release my own mind from being caught in the cycle of going over and over the hurt. I am not forgiving for the good of the other person. I am forgiving for the good of myself so that I can be free and move on. Forgiveness is a gift, a state of grace that benefits the giver as much as or more than the receiver. If I am to heal fully, I will need to forgive fully.

I forgive for my own sake.

__________

Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil;

With them forgive yourself.

William Shakespeare

January 3

Feeling Anger

W hen I feel angry, I seem to have two ways of dealing with it. I either hold it in and say nothing or I let it out in accusing, venting, nonproductive ways. When I do this, I rupture perfectly good relationships. It is fair for me to register disgruntled feelings when appropriate but thats all I need to do. When I cant hold back from getting into an argument using blame and accusation, I create a mess. When something goes wrong, feeling angry is normal. I need to give myself a few minutes to feel the anger before I act out the feeling, rather than immediately dumping it on someone else. When I can give myself permission to feel my own anger without fearing it will devour me, I can own it as mine and decide what to do with it next.