Endorsements
Listen Well, Lead Better is a God-inspired book written by a God-inspired couple. Steve and Becky are passionate about real, authentic relationships with people they serve alongside, and this book will inspire and equip you to lead like Jesus.
Evan Carlson, president, Family Life Radio
If you lead anyone, this motivating, practical, and biblical book will show you how to be a listening leader who builds and blesses others all while moving the organization forward in a healthy way.
Pam and Bill Farrel, international speakers; authors of 48 books, including the bestselling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti ; and co-directors, Love-Wise Ministries
If you truly want to be a better leader, move this book to the TOP of your list. Its guaranteed not only to grow you as a leaderit will grow you as a person.
Ron Forseth, founding executive editor, ChurchLeaders.com
Ive known Steve and Becky Harling for years, and Ive watched them walk through good times and very challenging times in leadership. They are leaders of integrity who are intentional to listen well so that they might lead more effectively.
Dr. Jim Garlow, lifelong pastor; CEO, Well Versed
If you want to grow, if you want to lead effectively, this book will provide you with the necessary secret. Steve and Becky lead readers through thought-provoking stories and self-reflective questions to become the listening leaders that others want to follow.
Greg and Julie Gorman, founders, Married for a Purpose
Steve and Becky Harling are the real deal, and these pages deliver an authentic invitation into leadership that is communal, not just institutional.
Matt Heard, lead pastor, Northland Church; founder, THRIVE
The Harlings have written an immensely practical guidebook for caring, listening, and self-aware leadership. Get equipped to reach your destination with an intact and healthy team.
Daniel Henderson, founder/president, Strategic Renewal
This book is chock-full of practical advice on how to listen better, such as great questions to ask, which is so important to listening well.
Bruce Johnson, president, SIM USA
This book provides wisdom, insight, and practical tools to shape vision and influence people in a Jesus-hearted way. Youll get valuable help for every rung of the leadership ladder.
Carol Kent, executive director, Speak Up Ministries; author, Speak Up with Confidence
Listen Well, Lead Better is packed with ear-opening insights that will help you increase self-awareness and engage those you lead and love at a deeper level of soul. Lean in and listen to what these communication experts have to say!
Tim Lucas, founder and lead pastor, Liquid Church; author, Liquid Church: Powerful Currents to Saturate Your City for Christ
Steve and Becky provide leaders with the tools they need to establish trust, increase discernment, and communicate effectively. By applying the techniques Steve and Becky share, leaders who read this book will certainly broaden their spheres of influence.
Ellie Nieves, president and CEO, Leadership Strategies for Women
Steve and Beckys honesty and transparency in sharing successes and failures is valuable, and entertaining! Their practical tips and questions make it easy to implement healthy practices immediately.
Kim and Bob Westfall, founders, Uncaged/Westfall Gold
With refreshing transparency, the Harlings provide a practical tool that revives what appears to be a lost art in leadershipgood listening. If you are serious about leading, this book is an excellent place to start.
Rick Whitted, speaker; workplace consultant; and author, Outgrow Your Space at Work
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
2020 by Rebecca Harling and Stephen Harling
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2020
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4934-2300-2
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Cover design by LOOK Design Studio
Authors represented by The Blythe Daniels Agency
Dedication
This book is dedicated to our son,
Josiah Harling (JJ).
JJ, what a joy for us to watch you grow up to become an incredible leader
who empowers others by listening to their hearts.
Were so very proud of you.
Mom and Dad
Contents
Cover
Endorsements
Half Title Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
1. The Missing Ingredient to Greater Influence
2. Become Self-Aware, Not Self-Obsessed
3. Know Your People
4. Give the Gifts of Trust and Empowerment
5. Discern Hidden Values
6. Invite Others to Help Shape Vision
7. Engage Conflict Constructively
8. Look for Truth in Criticism
9. Listen and Collect Stories
10. Create Sacred Space to Reflect and Listen to God
Acknowledgments
Notes
Back Ad
Back Cover
Acknowledgments
J ust as no one leads a company to success single-handedly, no one writes a book on their own. It takes a team.
Wed like to thank...
Our Kids and Kids-in-Love...
Bethany and Chris Lindgren, thanks for helping us process ideas, and for listening as we wrestled with different concepts to make the book stronger. Thanks for the effort you put into helping us edit. We love your hearts for adoption and those in foster care. What a joy to see you guys step into your calling to help the church connect with those in foster care. We are so proud of you and love you so much!
JJ (Josiah) and Shaina Harling, thanks so much for all the listening you did and the feedback you gave as we wrote this book. JJ, it is such a joy to watch your influence grow in the nonprofit world, and Shainey, your influence at the wound-care clinic. You are both such incredible parents, seeking to empathize and understand your kids. You have a deep understanding of how to listen and lead. We are incredibly proud of you both and love you so much!
Stefanie and Dave Holder, wow, what a joy its been to watch the two of you step up in leadership both professionally and personally at your church! Your hearts to listen to those who have attended the Alpha course with you, as well as your hearts to listen to those you work with, have been such a joy for us to see. You are amazing parents! We love you both and are so proud of you!
Keri and Zach Denison, what a joy to watch both of you grow in your leadership! Keri, you are an incredible worship leader and mentor to those looking to grow deeper in Christ. Zach, you are an incredible leader and teacher for the navy. Watching your influence grow has been such a joy! You are awesome parents seeking to lead your kids toward Jesus. We are so proud of you both and love you so much!