Sean Palmer - Speaking by the Numbers: Enneagram Wisdom for Teachers, Pastors, and Communicators

Suzanne Stabile

I FIRST MET SEAN IN 2015, in the back of a party bus in New York City. My husband, Joe, and I were speaking at a conference in Greenwich, Connecticut. Sean was one of about thirty pastors who made the pilgrimage to join others from around the country for the purpose of exploring the topic of sacramental imagination. Our last day together included a field trip to the city where we had the opportunity to explore the architecture of several churches, and the added gift of closing with vespers in the nave of St. Thomas Episcopal Church on Fifth Avenue. After several full days of teaching and learning, we all welcomed the freedom to explore the city and enjoy dinner on our own before returning to Greenwich.

Im a little bit feisty by nature so it suits me to balance a few days of teaching, and a full day of being quiet and prayerful while touring churches, with some storytelling in the back of a party bus. Its the perfect environment for me, as an Enneagram Two, to set the table for acquaintances to become friends, and Sean and I have been committed to our growing friendship since. He has been studying the Enneagram under my tutelage, and that of others, over these years, and he is now sharing some of his acquired wisdom with the rest of us in the writing of Speaking by the Numbers.

I have been waiting for someone to write this book about the art of communication and the ways the Enneagram might be helpful. Ive taught the Enneagram to literally thousands of people. And some of my students have become teachers themselves. They have chosen from many possibilities. One might choose The Enneagram and Education, another The Enneagram in Corporate America, or The Enneagram for Spiritual Directors, or The Enneagram and Parenting. The list is seemingly endless. Sean Palmer, knowing he was called to be a professional communicator, is well equipped with extensive experience as an author, teacher, preacher, public speaker, and professional coach. So, when he began to see all that the Enneagram had to offer to those of us who communicate for a living, he began the work that culminated in the writing of this book.

The trendy and oversimplified Enneagram that is presented on many social media platforms is hardly recognizable to those who have studied and explored the depth of Enneagram wisdom. As Sean explains in detail, there is a lot to the Enneagram. For example, in the mid-twentieth century, a scholar named Maurice Nicoll professed that there are three Centers of Intelligence: thinking, feeling, and doing. When Nicolls work is studied through the lens of the Enneagram, we learn that for each of the nine personality types one of these centers is dominant, one supports the dominant, and one is repressed. It is from that wisdom that Sean explores the three Enneagram stances and the value they offer to those of us who long to communicate successfully.

It is my belief that good communication includes at least these three elements: a relatable story, vulnerability, and hope. Ive known since our meeting on the party bus that Sean is a good storyteller, and he used that gift in the writing of this book as a way of letting you know that he sees you. He knows how you engage with the world. And he offers a more complete way forward, should you choose to receive it. He is vulnerable as he shares both the struggles and the successes that are the story of his journeya commendable choice for an Enneagram Three. And he offers hope by including a chapter that models speaking to all of the nine numbers in each of the three stances.

It has been twenty-five years since I first learned that, along with Enneagram Ones and Sixes, I am in the Dependent Stance and therefore, thinking repressed. I must admit I was shocked by that news, but I have adjusted to its accuracy over the years. When I read Seans story about his first year of preaching, I found comfort in discovering that he truly does understand my way of seeing the world.

He writes,

I failed to realize I was layering on too much information, either by the words I used or the actions I championed for them to accomplish. I was making a twofold mistake. First, they couldnt do what they didnt understand, and second, I made them feel stupid.

What they needed to hear was how much they mattered. They needed me to appreciate the work they were already doingsome were doing so much there wasnt much else they could possibly add. The church needed me to help them think strategically, not merely high-mindedly. I could help their thinking by only communicating the most crucial information and not every bit of information I had.

Sean continued by adding, Many of us will need to embrace the fact that our job is not to look and sound smart, but to help our hearers think well.

He does a really good job of offering the same teaching pattern throughout the book. He shares a story for each personality type and then teaches a model for how to speak to each number in the way they can both hear and receive the message. We are bombarded every day with talkers and teachers, sound bites and advertisements competing for our attention, leaving us little room for receiving and processing all the noise. But when someone speaks to us in ways that are respectful of our struggle to somehow learn to balance the three Centers of Intelligence, while using each for its intended purpose, everything changes.