Helen Odessky - Stop Fear from Stopping You: The Art and Science of Becoming Fear-Wise

Praise for Stop Fear from St opping You

In such uncertain times, Im grateful that Dr. Odessky has come out with this new book to help you tame your fears and live a fuller, calmer life where you are able to handle whatever comes your way. Join the thousands of others her words have helped and decide to take control. Start today. S tart now.

Dr. John Duffy, author of Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety

When youre anxious, all you can see is your anxiety. It feels urgent, serious and overwhelming. You wonder if youll always feel this way. You wonder, Why me? Why now? Why wont it stop? You feel frustrated and hopelesslike theres nothing you can do. Thankfully, there is. There are many strategies to help manage and minimize anxiety excellent ideas from the new bookwritten by Helen Odessky, PsyD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in anxiety and also struggled with it herself.

Ps ychCentral

Copyright 2020 by Helen Odessky .
Published by Mango Publishing Group, a division of Mango Media Inc.

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Stop Fear from Stopping You: The Art and Science of Becoming Fear-Wise

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication number: 2019954734
ISBN: (print) 978-1-64250-242-8, (ebook) 978-1-64250-243-5
BISAC category code: SEL024000SELF-HELP / Self-Management / Stress Management

Printed in the United States of America

To May a and Alex

Table of Contents

Foreword

Fear has been gripping the hearts and minds of millions of people since the beginning of time. There are so many things we find ourselves scared of: spiders, heights, small talk, and even new relationships. Fear influences us in ways that we dont even realize until its too late. At times, fear stops us from even starting the process of accomplishing our goals. We were not meant to live in this constant stat e of fear.

In such uncertain times, Im grateful that Dr. Odessky has come out with this new book to help you tame your fears and live a fuller, calmer life where you are able to handle whatever comes your way. In this compelling guide, Dr. Odessky has all the tools youll need to finally look fear in the face and let it know you arent going to let it rule your life. Join the thousands of others her words have helped and decide to take control. Start today. Start now.

I was fortunate enough to read Dr. Helen Odesskys first book, Stop Anxiety from Stopping You , and my reflections on it ring true again for this la test work.

Read this book, and you will find everything you need to beat anxiety once and for all. Its not a trick, or a quickie one-off. Instead, it is a comprehensive, easy-to-apply system for anxiety eradication. Keep this book close. Take your time and work through it. Trust Helen to guide you through. It will change your life. It will free you. Finally.

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may f ear less.

M arie Curie

Introduction

The future does not belong to the fainthearted, it belongs to t he brave.

Ronald Reagan, Addre ss to the
Nation on Challenger

De ar reader,

As I write this book, the world is gripped by fear. Economic, social, health, and other fears have intensified in the face of a global health pandemic. While it is currently consuming the headlines of major news outlets, fear is certainly not a novel phenomenon. To fear, even to fear greatly, is unequivocally human. And, while fear is part of our nature, so is courage. When we begin to understand our fears and what they are about, we can harness them. When we acknowledge, accept, and act with purpose in the face of fear, we become fear-wise.

Unlike fearlessness, which operates under the illusion that no danger exists, being fear-wise creates a processing system for fear. Being fear-wise serves three important functions. First, it allows us to deal with fears in a more realistic fashion and calls for decisions and action in the absence of absolute safety or certainty. Next, it fosters a climate of developing creative solutions to address our problems. Finally, it allows us to hold on to faith and hope which, while not sufficient in and of themselves, are necessary to help us implement and course-correct in the areas of our lives we need it most. Specifically, at work, in relationships, and how we conduct our liveswhen we encounter failure, rejection, or defeat, and when our circumstances challenge us to a im higher.

This book focuses on personal fears that we face when we are in situations or periods of our lives that test us. Whether at work or in personal relationships, fears often show up as insecurity, difficulty with decision making, and feeling immobilized. These fears stand in the way of us experiencing fulfillment academically, derail our success at work, and block us from experiencing joy and satisfaction in our relationships. If we work through these fears and develop a fear-wise stance, we can open the door to greater purpose, accomplishment, and true intimacy.

Ultimately, we must all confront the challenges of life with both fear and courage. We all have some areas in life where we are more afraid and others where we show more courage. The good news is that courage is a muscle that we can build an d develop.

When we learn to address our fears and choose courage, we become fear-wise. In order to do so, we can practice the AAA model: Acknowledge, Accept, and Act with Purpose. First, we have to acknowledge whether the fear we feel is giving us the signal about something that is life-threatening or whether the threat is to our ego. Next, we have to accept our current set of circumstances and feelings. Finally, we have to decide to take purposeful action; being fear-wise is not a spectator sport. Becoming fear-wise is a process. Change is usually incremental rather than drastic or categorical. In the process of becoming fear-wise, the following steps are essential.

The Fear-Wise Steps

1. The Fear-Wise Learn to Give Up Their Excuses

Excuses are shields of armor to protect us from facing what is truly difficult. Even as we make excuses publicly or privately, there is a part of us that knows we are lying. Aim to speak and acknowledge the truth to yourself and give up your excuses. For example, if your excuse is I have not started dating after my divorce because I have not lost the twenty pounds I need to lose, you may want to acknowledge that the reason you have not started to date again is that it feels too vulnerable and you are afraid of get ting hurt.

Acknowledging your excuses allows you to solve the real problemyour fear of trusting someone else and the vulnerability you feel regarding entering the dating world after all these years. Being able to look at the real problem may be more painful, but it offers you a gift of creating a path forwardemotionally healing after your divorce. Only by acknowledging the truth can we crea te change.