Peggy Weber - Enough as You Are: Overcoming Self-Doubt and Appreciating the Gift of You

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2019 Peggy Weber

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Cover art credit: Irina Shisterova/iStock/Getty Images Plus/Getty Images

eBook ISBN: 978-0-8294-4710-1

Based on the print edition: 978-0-8294-4709-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019948170

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To my husband and best friend, John;

my children: Kerry, Matthew, and Elizabeth; and their spouses: Colm, Nell, and Jeremiah;

and my AMAZING grandchildren: Marian, Cordelia, Cillian, Jerome, Rose, Dominic, Brigid, and James Henry.

They fill my life with love, laughter, and inspiration.

Sitting in church on Good Friday, my mind wandered, as it often does when I am in a quiet and reflective space. I began thinking of the prayer said at Mass before CommunionLord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed. I say it so often, and my focus usually is on wanting to be healed from my sins, from my failings, and sometimes even from illness. But on this sacred day, I was dwelling on the words I am not worthy. I suppose none of us feels worthy enough to have had Christ die for us, but that humbling thought can slide all too easily into self-doubt. On that afternoon, I realized that I have often felt that I truly was not worthy of this sort of love. I had always been taught that Jesus died for all of us, but did I really think that meant me, too? Part of me wondered whether God really knew what kind of person I was. Could he really love me that much to die for me? Did he truly understand all my flaws? If I believe that God knows everythingand I dothen he must see how I hold grudges. He must know that I worry too much and that I listen to gossip. And dear Lord, he must know that I am one of the most impatient people on the planet. Sitting in that pew, I was banking on being able to squeeze into the train car going to heaven and pray that no one asked for my ticket. I will try to be really quietthat in itself will be a challengeand I will pray, Thank you, God, for dying on the cross for everyone here and maybe even me.

That experience in prayer made me consider how many times I have felt unworthy in my life, not just of Gods love but of love from others, too, and how many times I have failed to love myself. So often, I have wondered whether I was smart enough, attractive enough, or cool enough. Daily, I would ask myself if I was a good enough writer, mom, wife, sister, or Catholic. I have worried about whether our family would have enough money and security, not trusting that we would somehow make it through, not trusting that God would care for us as a shepherd cares for his flock. To this day, the questions and doubts continue. I wonder if I did enough in my younger days to live now with good health. Why did I eat so much chocolate? Should I have filled out more crossword puzzles to keep my brain going?

I have wondered about all these questions and so many more. I have spent a lot of time wondering if I am any-number-of-things enough.

But on that day in church, somehow, through the grace of God, I realized I had the answer to all my worries in the very words of the question I was asking. I was right to focus on being enough. I just should have realized that to be enough for God, I need to be nothing more than my truest self, flaws and all. I should have figured out a long time ago that God loves even me and that, all along, I am enough.

Now, I have not spent every waking moment of my life feeling inadequate. But I want to share my struggles because I hope that in my doing so, others can avoid bearing the weight of the enough-o-meter Ive been lugging around. As I enter the fourth quarter of life, it would be easy to look around and wonder if I have done enough, traveled enough, and even loved enough. But I have actually come to feel satisfied. I spend time with my grandchildren. I qualify for senior discounts. I am finally figuring things out. It is a struggle at times, but mostly I am content. And as I look back, I just want to wrap my arms around my younger self and say, Fret not. You are fine. Dont waste your time worrying about whether youre worthy. Youre already enough, as you are. You really are good enoughflaws and all. All of us are flawed. All of us are wonderful.

This lesson of contentment doesnt mean I plan to turn into a slug of self-satisfaction. We all can improve, learn, eat better, exercise more, pray more. But within the core of our being, we are enough today, this momentnot when you get a better job, not when you lose ten poundsright now.

I hope this book can help you reflect on your own needs and insecurities and on what adopting a philosophy of enough can mean. I hope this book will help you explore why you might also be comparing yourself to others, feeling inadequate, or wondering if you are enough. I hope the book encourages you to embrace who you are, where you are, in an increasingly competitive, comparative, social mediacentered world of FOMO (fear of missing out) and YOLO (you only live once). Along the way it is good to remember that we have help. In this book, as I have done in my life, I enlist the insights of some holy peopleour saints. I am particularly struck by the forthright, simple wisdom of St. Francis de Sales, who stresses accepting yourself and choosing your own path to holiness. And at the end of each chapter I invite you to use the Examen questions. The Examen is a prayer technique created by St. Ignatius Loyola that offers daily reflection on Gods presence in your life. I hope it helps guide you as you pray about being enough as you are.

The best part about knowing that we are enough is that we do not have to measure ourselves against the world and feel wanting. We can know that we are flawed people in need of love and assurance and also know that God already has given this to us in full measure.

Be who you are and be that perfectly well.

St. Francis de Sales

For whatever reason you decided to read this book, thank you. We are beginning together to change the channel, so to speak, and listen to a voice with an affirming message about who we are. Are you ready? Are you hopeful? Are you willing to believe you are enough?

As you begin this book, you might want to grab a pad of paper and a pen. I like using a yellow legal pad and a fine-point, roller-ball pen. Perhaps you are high-tech and want to use your phone or tablet. Pick up whatever is useful to you. Now, make a list of five things you would like to do on a day off. This is not a bucket list. Its just a list of possibilities. Perhaps you want to take a hike or go to a movie or have lunch with a friend. You might even be practical and list catching up with laundry or grocery shopping.

How about buying a bathing suit? Did that make the list? Probably not. Most people do not feel excited about the chance to slip into polyester and spandex and stare at a full-length mirror that shows the body at every possible angle. When I have embarked on this task, I have rarely found myself twirling around, examining every inch in the three-way mirror and saying, I love the way I look! Bathing-suit shopping is just not a task that most people relish. A study at Flinders University in Australia found that even just imagining trying on a swimsuit can worsen a persons mood. It makes sense. I have heard the fittest people I know say something like, I dont like my thighs. We always wish we had more muscles or more curves or a flatter stomach or a big T-shirt to cover everything up. Something always seems to be lacking.