Michael S. Barry - The Art of Caregiving: How to Lend Support and Encouragement to Those with Cancer

Other books by Michael S. Barry

A R EASON FOR H OPE

Gaining Strength for Your Fight Against Cancer

A S EASON FOR H OPE

Daily Encouragement for Your Fight Against Cancer

THE ART OF CAREGIVING

Published by David C Cook

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked msg are taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group; and kjv are from the King James Version of the Bible. (Public Domain.) The author has added italics to Scripture quotations for emphasis.

LCCN 2007921062

ISBN 978-0-7814-4430-9

eISBN 978-1-4347-6557-4

2007 Michael S. Barry

Cover Photo: 2007 iStockPhoto

Cover Design: ThinkPen Design, llc

To

Helen Wade Buescher,

caring wife of Jack Buescher,

caring daughter of Riley and Helen Wyatt,

caring sister of Miles Wyatt

and sister-in-law Jane Wyatt,

caring aunt of my wife, Kay, and her sister, Joy,

caring great-aunt to my daughters, Sara and Becca,

and who may never know

how much I admire her

and appreciate her generous heart

or the hopeful joy

her candle has brought to so many,

including me

A LL THE DARKNESS IN THE UNIVERSE CANNOT EXTINGUISH THE LIGHT OF A SINGLE CANDLE.

ANCIENT PROVERB

Contents

C aregiving is an art, one more demanding than sculpting, painting, or writing poetryand its potentially more rewarding, too. Yet those who are called to practice this art rarely have the experience or education to guide them. Cancer is a diagnosis that often creates fear and turns lives upside down, sometimes more for loved ones than for the individual given the diagnosis. My friend and colleague Rev. Dr. Michael Barry uses his extensive experience, education, and innate talent to serve as mentor and understanding teacheran artists guide, if you willfor those providing care to those who are ill. Though focused on caregivers of cancer patients, these principles are equally appropriate for caregivers supporting loved ones through any disabling, intensive, or life-threatening condition.

Through years of ministering to the needs of cancer patients and their loved ones, Michael has developed a unique philosophy of caregiving, which he shares in this book along with numerous insider tips that you will find invaluable. He provides insights into principles described by psychologists as flowthe optimum emotional experience sometimes referred to as in the zonewoven with the biblical concept of joy. The timeless principles that Michael draws from Scripture are equally applicable to people of all faiths. Even more importantly, the wisdom he offers provides a framework for experiencing inner joy regardless of circumstances.

I have had the privilege of working closely with Michael in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, as we have shared in the rare experience of founding a new cancer hospital. Together, with a few other very carefully chosen colleagues, we shared the incredible gift of purpose provided freely by patients and their loved ones as they seek options for hope and healing that they can find nowhere else. I have repeatedly seen Michael lead caregivers through mysteries unlocked, facilitating powerful transformations and creating a healing environment for caregivers and patient alike.

Caregiving is more than an act of love; effective caregiving is an art of love. Now, through The Art of Caregiving, Michael helps you bypass the awkward stumbling of one who is called upon to perform a difficult art without experience. With Michaels help, you, too, can unlock the mysteries and develop your own art of caregiving, experiencing joy, flow, and the highest quality of life possible when you need it most.

J OHN M. M C N EIL

President and Chief Executive Officer

Cancer Treatment Centers of America at Eastern Regional Medical Center

B EST FRIEND, MY WELL-SPRING IN THE WILDERNESS !

George Eliot

I WILL STAY ON AT E PHESUS UNTIL P ENTECOST, BECAUSE A GREAT DOOR FOR EFFECTIVE WORK HAS OPENED TO ME.

1 Corinthians 16:89

I admire you and your willingness to help your loved one battle a mean disease. I appreciate your courage as well. But most importantly, I thank you for your help. You are, or can be, one of the greatest weapons in your loved ones fight against cancer. Did you know that within the health-care industry, it is becoming widely recognized that family members, close friends, and significant others can have a far greater impact on patients experience of illness, and on their long-term health and happiness, than any health-care professional? Thats because youre often at the front line of defense initiating medical care and also shoring up the rear guard by ensuring that your friend or loved one receives dignified care and protection. Those of us in the health-care field want to acknowledge your significance and applaud you for your courage, as well as welcome you to the health-care team. We appreciate you and value your commitment and love.

Ive written this book to empower you to be a candle of joyful hope to your loved one whose life has been darkened by cancer. Cancer treatment is often a nighttime journey through a wilderness in which patients and their caregivers are confronted with worry and fear, a journey in which the slightest flicker of hope means more than words can express. And you, with Gods help, will be that flicker of hope. You can do this. This book will be a candle of hope for you.

We know you need more than information to be an effective beacon of joyful hopeyou also need emotional support. My prayer is that through this book you might sense my heart touching yours and that youll discover you are not alone in your struggle to hang in there with your loved one; there are many, many others who are hanging in there with you.

Caregiving often has emotional highs and lows. In this book I will share some of the ways some health-care professionals minimize moments of sadness, low energy, and depression. I will teach you a philosophy of caregiving that creates high energy and engenders a life-giving and joyful attitude, even amid great difficulty.