Monica Victorian - The Test: A Look into the Life of Mo Nichole, the Model

The Test

A Look into the
Life of Mo Nichole, the Model

Monica Victorian

Copyright 2016 by Monica Victorian.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Rev. date: 12/09/2016

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Contents

S OMETIMES, I HAVE to check myself. Its just amazing how much anger I have built up, and at the end of the day I found it easy to point the finger at this person and that person. Then I get angry at God. I often wonder what did I do to deserve this life? Where are my happy moments? When will it be my turn? Over and over I have replayed these disappointments in my head. The disappointments that other people have thrown at me and of course my own. But then I stopped believing all of the things that I was told that I couldnt be or the things that I couldnt do. I stopped believing that I was just living in a fantasy world. For once I started to believe. I began to believe in myself, and I began to believe that anything that I put my mind to would come to pass. I began to believe in Gods promises, and no matter what my circumstances are I began to put in the work!

Everyones story is different. At the end of the day you have to find that place in your life that makes you happy. Once you find that which makes you happy then nothing can be taken away from you nothing

I have been adopted my negative thought was that in which my own parents have given me away. Hurt like hell. But then I thought of the positive. I was given to a loving family that would give me the world if they could and could do things that my biological family could not.

I went to jail my negative thought was Omg what will people think of me? Now I have to start over! But then I thought of the positive. I didnt go to prison!!! I was doing what I needed to do to survive at the time. I messed up but I was given a second chance. For those that have something to say about my 2 day jail experience, well let me go and pull out those skeletons in your closet!!

I am giving these scenarios simply to make a point. Take every negative aspect in your life and turn it into a positive! I dont care how bad it is, it can be turned around! Trust me, I know! I have given up on a daily basis and I started to rethink. I turned that negative energy into positive energy and it completely changed my day.

I also found it important to change the company that I surrounded myself with. I was never one to hang out with a lot of people to begin with. But, I did realize being around people that constantly talked negative into every situation or put me down was not healthy for me. The company you keep can truly make you depressed!!! I choose to be happy and positive!! Even if that means losing family members or lifetime friends.

There comes a point in ones life where you sit back and you get out that old scale. Trust me those good opportunites in your life definitely outweigh the bad ones. Its all about how we take each and every opportunity that comes our way and mold it into what we want it to be. The only person that is preventing you from getting what you want in this world is you. Nothing or no one can stop that. Of course you may encounter a few mishaps along the way, but I never said that achieving those goals would be easy. You have to play your part and not give up.

Then there is that test. You know what I am talking about!! The test that you keep getting but somehow or another you choose to keep failing it. Over and over again

CHAPTER 1
The Test

I COULDNT SLEEP. It was the second night in a row that I lay in bed with a million and one thoughts going through my head. I was searching for answers; begging God to speak to me and guide me on the right path. I felt as though everyone was against me and of course I did what I always do best; I push people away. Then I found the answer I was looking for. Its time to pass the test.

I have so many questions. People tell me all the time, God gives his toughest battles to his stongest soldiers. or Keep pushing. This only means that your breakthrough is near. But, I have been at war with the enemy since the day I was born. I am not saying that all of my problems come from another source. I admit I have had my share of mistakes in the past. However, I am more than willing to admit when I am wrong and realize that some issues that occurred in my life could have been prevented had I made better choices. At the end of the day I still have to question: What is my purpose?

I laid down most of my problems to someone recently searching for answers. At this point in my life, not only am I clueless as to what my next move is but I have run out of options. He told me, I think that God keeps giving you a test, but you fail it every time. That statement and his voice keeps replaying in my head

That leads me to the next question. What is the test? Is it because I havent been completely honest my whole life? I know that I have kept a guard up about things because I wanted to fit in or I didnt want people to judge me. Or maybe its because I havent been putting God first or going to church enough. I keep trying to find the answers expecting to finally hear a voice in my head (or even out loud) go off saying, Thats it!. Instead the voice told me to get a pencil and paper and write all of this down.

I am very observant. I have always laughed saying that I am an investigator by nature. I am pretty sure that I would have made millions if I had decided to become a private investigator or even an attorney (its not too late). I am saying this for a reason. People go through things all the time. Some things are good and some are bad. As an observer I notice how some people may take the good things and cherish them as blessings, remembering what it took to receive that blessing and also remembering where they came from. Others, on the other hand, take those same blessings only to brag and boast about what they have, flaunting their achievements as if they received them on their own. They seem to have forgotten that as quickly as they got it, in the blink of an eye it can be taken away.

Then we have the bad times, the test of faith. The test that proves just how strong or weak a person really is. Some of us give up daily, not realizing that our breakthrough was at the tip of our fingers.

Going through bad times can put a lot on a persons shoulder. These last six months have really done it for me. I think I have developed more grey hair at my young age then some have in a lifetime. I have given up almost every single day for the past six months also. I get tired, I cry, I start arguments, I pray, I plan, and then I start all over again the next day. I think what keeps me going is the pain I feel every time I look at my life, because I am tired of disappointing myself and the ones I truly love.

I think my test starts and possibly ends by telling my story. Crazy thing is I think I may just be up all night doing so. I know that my story is a testimony that is waiting to be heard by so many, so that I can touch lives all over the world. This is my testimony. This is the test that I will take, and I refuse to fail.

CHAPTER 2
Letting Go