Ann Voskamp - WayMaker: Finding the Way to the Life Youve Always Dreamed Of

2022 Ann Morton Voskamp

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ISBN 978-0-3103-5222-8 (ITPE)

Epub Edition February 2022 9780310352204

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Voskamp, Ann, 1973- author.

Title: Waymaker : finding the way to the life youve always dreamed of / Ann Voskamp.

Description: Nashville, Tennessee : W Publishing Group, [2022] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021049412 (print) | LCCN 2021049413 (ebook) | ISBN 9780310352198 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780310352204 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Trust in GodChristianity. | DreamsReligious aspectsChristianity. | Christian life.

Classification: LCC BV4637 .V67 2022 (print) | LCC BV4637 (ebook) | DDC 234/.2dc23/eng/20211029

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021049412

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021049413

Printed in the United States of America

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To Shiloh

My heart is tied to your heart,

always and forever,

no matter what,

because, in a thousand ways,

the WayMaker split the seas and made the Way through to

the wonder of you,

to the miracle of Love,

to the dream come true

that is nothing less than the lovingkindness of His arms,

and in Him, no matter the way,

we are all,

always,

soul-safe.

Trust.

Where am I? Who am I? How did I come to be here? What is this thing called the world? How did I come into the world? Why was I not consulted? And if I am compelled to take part in it, where is the director? I want to see him.

SREN KIERKEGAARD

S till, its hard to confess: We were married only four short days when we cut our honeymoon three days short.

I close the bathroom door of our lime-green, shag-carpeted motel room, turn the shower tap to hot, let it thrum loudly, drown out the heart fracturing. I slide down the wall, crumple a bit on the chipped tile floor, and cry like a baby who wants her mama, tears mingling with steam. Hes a deeply kind man. Doesnt he want to grab my hand and gather me close, more than he wants to go home, grab his work boots, and feel the curve of some tractors steering wheel in his hands? Its not about needing to be living some dream scriptI just need the script running in my head to say Im wanted, that I wont be abandoned, that Im somehow seen and known and safe.

If you dont know youre really wanted in the beginning, you can end up somewhere you never wantedsomewhere you never dreamed. Neither one of us knew that then. Then, he just knew he wanted to get back to the farm and get back to the rhythm of work. And now, if Im crying-out-loud honest on a bathroom floor, I wonder if I actually wanted to find a way out too. To find my own exodus, out of me, out of this story I didnt sign up for. Where is the exodusthe way out of the things that hurt beyond wordsto a promised, expansive way of life?

Water drums in the empty shower. We may think we know what we want, but what we really want is to be known. Heard. Seen. Safe. My disillusion spills soundlessly all over the floor. How do you hope to find a way out of all thats going wrong in your one and only life? Everyones just trying to find their own way, to their own dream come true. The dream isnt ever truly about experiencing miraculous things, but about the experience of feeling miraculously known.