Nancy Regan - From Showing Off to Showing Up: An Imposters Journey from Perfect to Present

Title Page

Text copyright Nancy Regan, 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission from the publisher, or, in the case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, permission from Access Copyright, 1 Yonge Street, Suite 1900, Toronto, Ontario M5E 1E5.

Nimbus Publishing Limited
3660 Strawberry Hill Street, Halifax, NS, B3K 5A9
(902) 455-4286 nimbus.ca

Printed and bound in Canada

Editor: Whitney Moran
Design: John van der Woude
Cover photography: Timothy Richard
NB1577

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Title: From showing off to showing up : an imposter's journey from perfect to present / Nancy Regan.

Names: Regan, Nancy (Television news anchor), author.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20210379065 | Canadiana (ebook) 20210379162 | ISBN 9781774710319 (softcover) | ISBN 9781774710647 (EPUB)

Subjects: LCSH: Regan, Nancy (Television news anchor) | LCSH: Women television news anchorsCanadaBiography. | LCSH: Television news anchorsCanadaBiography. | LCSH: Women television personalitiesCanadaBiography. | LCSH: Television personalitiesCanadaBiography. | LCSH: Public speaking. | LCSH: Self-confidence. | LCGFT: Autobiographies.

Classification: LCC PN4913.R44 A3 2022 | DDC 070.92dc23

Nimbus Publishing acknowledges the financial support for its publishing activities from the Government of Canada, the Canada Council for the Arts, and from the Province of Nova Scotia. We are pleased to work in partnership with the Province of Nova Scotia to develop and promote our creative industries for the benefit of all Nova Scotians.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. Ill meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase each other doesnt make any sense.

Rumi

You may hate this book.

Dont you just love language?! One of my favourite things about words is their ability to hold different meanings, even when grouped in the exact same way. That first sentence of minewhich might strike you as a strange way to launch a bookcan be perceived as possibility or permission. Heres my explanation: yes and yes. The possibility exists that the content and intent of this book will not appeal to you. While it may resonate profoundly for some, it may drop with a thud at your feet. Thats okay. Its not for you. And heres the permission part. I give you my blessing to dislike it. To be honest, its the possibility of your disdain that gives this book wings.

You see, most of my life has been devoted to collecting gold stars. Approval has been my most severe addiction. But like any drug or substance, as it turns out, approval cannot fill me up. Well, thats not entirely true. It can make my heart singfor a moment. But after the singing, the sinking. Despite living a privileged life and having many opportunities that led to a fascinating career, I still fell victim to deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. I stood for years in a spotlight, yet it never really lit me up. It couldnt. Like any high, it was always short-lived, and the aftermath brought truth into focus. Thats what this book is about for me: bringing my truth into focus. First and foremost, for me. But I also believe that in telling our stories, we free others. With this book, Im embracing all parts of me, in the hope it will help you accept all parts of you. Because frankly, I believe thats the only true path to comfortto serenity.

Im asking you to join me on a journey that might seem a bit like something out of an adventure movie. Were going to venture into a deep, dark pit that seems impossible to scramble out ofcomplete with steep walls, and maybe even some triggered booby traps la Indiana Jones. My own Temple of Doom. The good news is, I lived to tell the tale. At times, the very writing of this book dragged me back into that darkness, but it also brought me to a whole new understandingthat its an adventure I can choose. Now Ive got all sorts of tools to help me find my way out and get back to living my life. Thats my personal version of the Holy Grail, and its what Im going to endeavour to share.

As the longtime co-host of a TV newsmagazine, I interviewed some of the biggest stars in the world (Oprah, Madonna, Russell Crowe, Meg Ryan, Mel Gibson) and spent thousands of hours on live TV, but what you might never have guessedwhat I never wanted anyone to knowis that behind my seemingly confident exterior was an interior landscape littered with perfectionism, insecurity, and a paralyzing fear of failure. Its something I have struggled with for my entire life, but working toward overcoming those challenges enriches my life, and now it fuels my ability to help others.

Having spent most of my life on one stage or another, as a TV broadcaster, actor, and speaker, these days Im a presentation coach. Those three aspects of my career have woven themselves together to support me in coaching others in the art of presentation. I love helping clients dig into whatever is holding them back, and in my experience, the words public and speaking, when combined, strike terror into most peoples hearts.

Jerry Seinfeld captured it best when he zeroed in on the humour beneath the popular statistic that public speaking is peoples number-one fear. As he so eloquently quipped, this means that at a funeral, most people would rather be lying in the casket than giving the eulogy. This is hilariously close to the truth. So the question is, what are we so afraid of?

The book you hold in your hands was originally meant to be a guide to overcoming the fear of public speaking, which is the work I do one-on-one with clients. Not long into the collaborative process with my editor, though, she told me she thought focusing solely on public speaking was limiting the books potential, that the structure was strangling what was morphing into a more organic project. In my mind it was always meant to be a subversively soulful approach to helping people learn to stand comfortably in the spotlightthats what I love doingbut my editor recognized that I was hiding part of myself behind the podium. And so, this book is less about doing and more about being. Im stepping out of the spiritual closet and Im hoping youll come along.

Although the content of this book isnt specifically focused on the fear of public speaking, I do think this common phobia provides a valid and valuable example, and its the realm from which I draw a lot of my own experience to share with you. What Ive realized through my journey is that my discomfort with being myself in the spotlight, boiled down, was plain, old-fashioned, primitive fear. My craving to be accepted was just the flip side of my deep dread of rejection.

When coaching, I always lead with the firm conviction that public speaking is just like shooting a foul shot in basketball; its a skill that can be acquired, practiced, and mastered. However, if you really want to be comfortable in the spotlight, youve got to get comfortable with yourself. For most of us, theres a deeper issue that lies beneath the fear of public speaking: the fear of public