Steve Young - The Law Of Love

2022 Steve Young

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher, Deseret Book Company, at permissions@deseretbook.com. This work is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church or of Deseret Book Company.

Deseret Book is a registered trademark of Deseret Book Company.

Visit us at deseretbook.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

(CIP on file)

ISBN: 978-1-63993-031-9 (paperback) | eISBN 978-1-64933-131-1 (eBook)

Printed in the United States of America

Brigham Young University Press, Provo, UT

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Book design Deseret Book Company

Cover design by Sheryl Dickert Smith

Art direction by Richard Erickson

To Barb, Braedon, Jackson, Summer, and Laila

I wrote this for you and because of you. You teach me how to love every day.

The law of love is loving as God loves, seeking anothers healing, expecting nothing in return.

We live in a world that is held together by loveorganized by love, maintained by love, and nurtured by love. Ultimately it will be redeemed by love and even now it is in the process of being redeemed by the love and kindness that we offer each other.

Chieko N. Okazaki (19262011),
counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency,
Being Enough (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 2002)

Love is the greatest of all the commandmentsall others hang upon it. It is our focus as followers of the living Christ.

Joseph B. Wirthlin (19172008),
of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles,
The Great Commandment,
Ensign , November 2007

Contents

From Tough Teammate to Cease-fire

W hen I joined the team in 1987, the San Francisco 49ers had already won two Super Bowls and were on their way to two more. My new teammates included some of the most famous athletes in the world at the timenames like Joe Montana and Jerry Riceas well as other future Hall of Famers and Pro Bowl players at almost every position.

Head coach Bill Walsh thrust me into this very visible and sophisticated locker room. He recruited me by telling me that quarterback Joe Montana had had two back surgeries and wouldnt be able to play much longer. I was sorry to hear about Joes injuries but also enthusiastic about joining the best team that any quarterback could ever want.

From the very first day I could tell that I was in for a wild ride, especially jumping in as the new guy ready to replace the king. Fellow players and fans alike naturally felt they needed to let me know where their allegiance lay. I just wanted to survive. I felt the heat from whispers in every corner. But in one place it wasnt a whisper; it was like the roar of a lion.

Defensive player Charles Haley was one of the many future Hall of Famers on the team. If Charles spotted a weakness, he would exploit it with torrid attacks in the training or locker room. Bystanders awkwardly laughed, but to the victim it was brutal. Most would respond in kind, trying to throw it back with more velocity. But that just emboldened Charles to ramp up the attack.

The target that Charles attacked most vociferously was me, even though we had been teammates for five years. To him I was a threat to Joe, who needed to be defended. Anytime he got a chance, Charles sliced me down to size in front of whoever was around.

As the new guy on the team I didnt want to counterattack; besides, that just wasnt my style. It got so bad that I tried to avoid Charles as much as possible. Every day I pulled into the parking lot and looked for his car. If it was there, I checked with friendly trainers or equipment guys to see where he was so I could avoid him. Most of the time Charles set up camp in the training room, where we went for physical therapy, ice, tape for our ankles, and so on. If I needed treatment for bumps and bruises, I would handle it myself somewhere else. Better to just stay off Charless radar.

Even though I was recruited to replace Joe Montana, he recovered after his two back surgeries and returned to play, much to everyones surprise. This left me in the wings for four frustrating years. Finally Joe stepped down, and I took over as quarterback in 1991.

Tensions escalated. After Joes departure, we were struggling as a team, and I was struggling even more. Replacing Joe was no joke. It all reached a boiling point in front of 90,000 people in the Los Angeles Coliseum as we lost to the LA Raiders 126. Just as the clock ran out, Jerry Rice was open in the end zone, but I didnt see him. In desperation, I threw the ball weakly to no one.

After the game Charles was furious and distraught, ranting about Steve Young being terrible and why it was all so awful. He was on a tirade and just wouldnt quit.

Finally after no relenting, Ronnie Lott was called over from the Raiders locker room. Ronnie had been traded earlier that year from the 49ers to the Raiders and was trusted by all of us. He was able to calm the waters.

After that game, the weight of it all was as heavy as I can ever remember. I was no stranger to losing games, but this was different. I was dropped off at the house late at night. I slumped down in the driveway and sat next to the parked car. I leaned back against the tire, just forlorn. I didnt know what to do, what my next move was. I thought, well, let me just go to sleep. Just try to get ready for what is coming tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

Obviously, things became more complicated in our locker room and especially for me.

A few weeks later, we landed in Seattle to play the Seahawks and everyone jumped on the buses from the airport to the hotel. I had been distracted and was last to jump on. There was one seat left... next to Charles. He looked at me and motioned to the empty seat. There was no other choice, but all the same, I was surprised at the invitation and steeled myself for more verbal jabs. I sat down in silence. I thought I was going to get an earful for the twenty-minute bus ride in the dark. But Charles didnt say anything.

I had heard that his wife was ailing, so I said, Im sorry to hear about your wife. I hope she is doing better.

He replied, Thanks. Its been tough. Silence. Then he told me how they had been together in college and she had been struggling for some time. I asked him about his college days. I enjoyed hearing his story. Then he asked me if I had a family and was surprised to learn that I was single. I realized that neither of us knew much about each other, even though we had been on the same team for five years.

We chatted the whole way to the hotel, and something miraculous happened. It was as if we had seen each otherreally seen each otherfor the first time. There wasnt the mutual demonization that can happen in a vacuum. I wasnt asking Charles about his wife to impress him or win him over; I genuinely wanted to know how he and his family were doing.

Nothing memorable was said. What was memorable was the change in our relationship. What had been a war was now more peaceful. Sure, he kept teasing me, but in a less caustic, damaging way. I even started to give it back to him, playfully in careful doses. But the war was over. It had escalated way beyond where it should have. My professional life already felt difficult beyond difficult, and to have a sense of peace in my relationship with a former enemy was just miraculous. That miracle happened because of a brief conversation between two humans who were forced to sit next to each other.