Elle Wright - A Bump in the Road: A Story of Fertility, Hope and Trying Again

Praise for A Bump in the Road

A Bump in the Road is honest, open, raw, emotional and powerful. Elle has shared a story of heartache and hope, and I know her words will be a comfort to others who might feel alone in their struggles. No one should feel isolated by their grief or loss, and with this book Elle has managed to be a hand in the darkness to ensure they arent. This book isnt only for those whove been through fertility challenges, its for everyone... In this book, once more, her heart is laid bare

GIOVANNA FLETCHER

I tore through this beautiful, hopeful book in a couple of days. Elles fortitude is extraordinary and Im beyond thrilled that she finally got to write her own happily ever after

ELLIE TAYLOR

Another beautiful book, for the many people who are going through this journey. This book gives so much support, hope and strength; a beautiful light at the end of the tunnel. I didnt want to put it down

JOOLS OLIVER

A raw and honest account of Elles journey... A Bump in the Road reads like a letter from a friend who is pouring their heart out. Full of candour and wit, I have no doubt this heartbreaking but hopeful memoir will offer comfort to a great many women who are facing similar journeys

SARAH TURNER, THE UNMUMSY MUM

To see a voice given to some of the feelings many, including me, have experienced after baby loss moved me to tears. This is a book I will pick up again to remind me that pain is as real and valid as hope. A beautifully emotional and healing read, written with the kind of sensitivity that those who have been trying to find hope after baby loss will appreciate

GENELLE ALDRED

Heartbreaking yet uplifting... I was truly holding my breath

CAT STRAWBRIDGE, THE FINALLY PREGNANT PODCAST

Praise for Ask Me His Name

It takes a huge amount of courage to re-integrate into the world again after your anticipated version of motherhood has been so brutally and painfully ripped away from you. Yet fuelled by the love of Teddy, Elle has managed to transform her pain into power becoming a beacon of healing light for all, which is so very much needed in this world

ANNA LEWIS (SKETCHYMUMA)

To be able to openly share the unthinkable and write about Teddy with such truth, honesty, beauty and humour takes huge courage. This is such an important book that spoke to me on so many levels it will give you a deeper understanding about the reality of grief and the true meaning of a mothers love

IZZY JUDD

Bold, compelling and heart-wrenchingly honest, this story of how humans can cope in the darkest of hours will blow you away

MARINA FOGLE

First published in the UK by Lagom

An imprint of Bonnier Books UK

The Plaza, 535 Kings Road, London, SW10 0SZ

Owned by Bonnier Books

Sveavgen 56, Stockholm, Sweden

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Ebook 9781788703901

All rights reserved. No part of the publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or circulated in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing of the publisher.

A CIP catalogue of this book is available from the British Library.

Designed by IDSUK (Data Connection) Ltd

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Copyright Elle Wright, 2021

Illustrations in chapters 17 and 21 Anna Lewis (Sketchy Muma)

Elle Wright has asserted her moral right to be identified as the author of this Work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and

Patents Act 1988.

Elle Wright will donate 1% of all author royalties from the sale of every book to Tommys. Bonnier Books UK will also donate 1% of the published price royalty from the sale of each book to Tommys. Tommys is a registered charity in England and Wales (1060508) and Scotland (SC039280)

Every reasonable effort has been made to trace copyright holders of material reproduced in this book, but if any have been inadvertently overlooked the publishers would be glad to hear from them.

Lagom is an imprint of Bonnier Books UK

www.bonnierbooks.co.uk

For O, because Id do it all a thousand times over if it led me to you.

And for the doctors, nurses and midwives who were there to hold my hand in delivering the good news and the bad.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

Well, sometimes it takes one to have one too...

Contents

A Note From Emma Cannon,

fertility and womens health expert

FOR MANY, THE ROAD TO PARENTHOOD IS A LONG AND EMOTIONALLY CHALLENGING ONE. So often their pain is poorly understood by those who believe that because they are not ill, they do not suffer. This could not be further from the truth; those who fail to conceive, lose a pregnancy or a child, suffer deeply. However, when we use painful life experiences as a doorway to access our feelings, then healing ourselves is possible. When we share our story with others, we invite them to heal themselves. We turn wounds into wisdom.

Elles ability to tell her story without the need for victimhood, whilst managing to be the teacher, is extraordinary. The children being born into our new world will need new skills: compassion, curiosity, kindness. When we evolve through our own pain and heal, we change old patterns and we develop the ability to have empathy and compassion for others. These gifts will be passed on to our children. No one wants to suffer. Yet when we allow ourselves to breathe in again, a renewed appreciation for life is born that could not have been reached without our previous experiences.

Longing to conceive comes from the desire to love. It is the greatest human story of all.

Emma Cannon,
October 2020

AS I WALKED INTO THE HOSPITAL THAT MORNING, I WAS STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING . How could this cruel version of events actually be my reality after already losing my first child, Teddy, at three days old? And yet here I was, back in the hospital delivery suite half a year later to deliver mine and my husbands baby at almost 15 weeks. A baby whose tiny heart had stopped beating a couple of days prior because of some medication I had taken. This was a termination for medical reasons after another heart-breaking diagnosis something I never imagined I would have to live through, let alone so soon after the death of our son. Yet here we were.

I wont go into the detail of how I delivered that tiny baby, silently, into the world during that first week of January 2017; its simply too painful to relive. But I will say that it was something that changed my perspective of chasing a happy ending forever. I think this was the moment it dawned on me that this journey to the motherhood I craved so badly was not going to be as straightforward as I had hoped.

The following week, feeling desperate and lonely in my quest to become a mum again, I began writing. This was when my blog was born, and I started to process the emotions I was feeling. It was my form of therapy, a huge cathartic release as those words poured out onto the page. I felt like I was writing more than I would ever publish in my little corner of the internet but it felt too good to stop. A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say. And, as (bad) luck would have it, it turns out there are plenty of us out there the unlucky ones. The women whose journey into motherhood, or whose yearning for more children, has yet to be fulfilled by the universe. So my writing became a place to tell this story, my motherhood story, in all of its (quite frankly) unbelievably shitty detail.