Diva Nagula - From Doctor to Patient: Healing Cancer through Mind, Body and Spirit

Rock bottom is further down than you think.

I didnt hit rock bottom when I was diagnosed with stage four non - Hodgkin s lymphomaat that point I was optimistic, if afraid of the unknown. I didnt hit it when the oncologist told me I needed chemotherapyat that point, I was furious with God.

I hit rock bottom when I went into remission.

After completing my last round of chemo treatment, I was completely depleted. I was so fatigued that my daily exercise goal was just to walk to the mailbox and back. I had gained weight because Id been sedentary. It wasnt just my body that was a wreck. During my cancer treatment, Id become so angry that Id alienated everyone. Id exited my business just before my diagnosis, and within the same year Id divorced and moved to a different city. Id stopped reaching out to friends, who didnt know what to do with someone who was so sick. I had no willpower, no drive, no reason to get up in the morning.

What was worse in remission was that I didnt have the cancer to be angry at anymore.

My cancer journey had changed my identity. Before cancer, my identity was being a doctor. I had helped thousands of patients in my lifetime. With the news I needed chemo, it was official: I was very sick. My identity switched to that of a patient. Other physicians and oncologists cared for me, but I looked everywhere for answers about how I could recover my health. I didnt feel I could lean on anyone for support; one by one Id crossed everyone off my list. I isolated myself. It wasnt just my physical body that had cancer. It was also my relationships, my mind, and my spirit.

After the diagnosis, the cancer and I became one and the same.

Then, after five rounds of chemo, Id beaten cancer. I had been elated for just a moment when the doctor told me I was cancer - free . In the next moment, I wondered, Who am I going to share this with? Except for my parents and my immediate family, I was alone.

A few weeks later, I was in a parking lot, out of breath from the walk from the store back to my car. I looked up from the keys in my hand and saw a familiar face coming toward me. Holy crap , I realized, its Adam.

Adam was a personal trainer and a good friend of mine. Id moved to North Carolina for the summer, and after my diagnosis I just lost touch. I never reached out to him when I got sick. He has such a positive disposition, and seeing his face instantly lifted my spirits.

As we exchanged pleasantries, I remembered how great Id felt when I was working out with him. We would work on strength training and conditioning, but Adam also had boxing pads. Suddenly I said, You know what? I want to do that again. I want to beat the crap out of those pads.

I wanted to beat up on the cancer and on everything Id just gone through.

I needed physical exercise, and I needed to release the emotions that had built up over five months of chemo and isolation. I needed to let go of the anger and animosity and mistrust Id been harboring. I was ready to fight for my well - being .

That chance meeting with Adam started a transformation in my body, mind, and spirit. I was able to reconnect with him, and we had a great bond. My friendship with him allowed me to remove the label of distrust Id put on all the people in my life. I began to heal my relationships.

As we trained together week after week, my body transformed. Endorphins finally flowed freely to my brain, which improved my mood. I lost weight and my clothes fit nicely. My self - esteem grew as I saw positive changes in my body.

I was filled with hope. Maybe there was a reason Id run into Adam in the grocery store parking lot. Maybe there was a reason the cancer hadnt killed me. I was given an opportunity to make something of my life. This journey has taught me so much about caring for myself, and I realized my story and my knowledge was now a gift I could offer to others.

In remission, cancer no longer defined me. I began to connect with something bigger than me.

Chronic inflammation is the root of many diseases and illnesses. In my case, it led to the diagnosis of non - Hodgkin s lymphoma, a blood cancer. For me, chronic inflammation stemmed from poor lifestyle choices such as improper diet, insufficient exercise, high stress levels, and the lack of a support network of friends and family. As I looked back at all the factors that had led to my diagnosis, I realized Id made myself sick.

As a doctor, I always looked out for the best interest of my patients. But I was also an entrepreneur, stuck in the stresses of growing my business. I had created an unhealthy lifestyle for myself. I ate poorly. I rarely exercised. I wasnt fully present with my friends and familyin fact, I wasnt always fully present with my patients. I was often somewhere else, trying to get to the next patient, the next procedure, the next development that would advance my business.

I never took time for self - care . I was incredibly hard on myself, constantly pushing myself to succeed and achieve. I never showed myself the love and compassion I needed. My lack of care ultimately destroyed my spirit. I saw the same lifestyle stressors in my patients, and I now have no doubt that these influences had a negative impact on their healthand may be having an impact on yoursas they did mine.