Andrew Parr - The Real You: How to Escape Your Limitations and Become the Person You Were Born to Be

After studying hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, coaching and a wide range of personal development techniques, Andrew Parr set up his own private practice to help people resolve personal, emotional and habitual problems. With nearly thirty years of experience, and having carried out over 17,000 one-to-one client consultations, he is one of the UKs most experienced hypnotherapists and personal-development coaches. He helps individuals and teams overcome limitations, and has his own practitioner academy based in East Sussex and online.

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First published by Penguin Life in 2021

Copyright Andrew Parr, 2021
Illustrations by Alice Parr, copyright Andrew Parr, 2021

The moral right of the copyright holder has been asserted

Cover design by Heike Schssler

ISBN: 978-0-241-45355-1

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For my parents who gave their lives, to you, dear reader, and to all the other everyday heroes

• Would you like to feel better about yourself, have greater self-confidence, increased self-worth and higher self-esteem, without becoming egotistical?
• Would you like to feel safer, more secure in the world, without having to overprotect yourself or shut yourself away?
• Would you like to feel stronger, more powerful, more in control of your life and the world around you, without needing to be overcontrolling of yourself or others?
• Would you like to feel that you have a unique place and purpose in this world, accepted and included, a sense of connection, without needing to change who you are?
• Would you like to experience more love and pleasure in your relationships without having to make sacrifices or experience loss in the process?
• Would you like to feel lighter and freer, more able to just be yourself?

If you can answer yes to any or all of these questions, this book is for you.

Dedicated to anyone who has ever struggled and to anyone who has ever dared to dream of something more, this book will give you an understanding of where your problems come from and why they may have been difficult to solve until now. Applied with honesty and persistance, my step-by-step set of exercises will help you make significant progress in improving conditions in each of the key areas of your life.

This book is not intended to replace any kind of medical or therapeutic intervention. If you are suffering with a mental health condition or any form of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) you should seek the relevant professional help.

It is 10.30 p.m. as I make my way on to the southbound platform of the Victoria Line at Oxford Circus underground station, London. There are only two other commuters on the platform, both male. Standing wide apart from each other, the first hasnt ventured much further than the passenger entrance and so is halfway along the platform. The other is way down near the opening of the tunnel where the trains emerge. I position myself midway between the two, as men do, half amused at myself for doing so.

As I hear a train approach, I glance left and see the lights coming down the tunnel and the man standing on the platform there. Just before the train emerges, I glance to my right to check the time, wondering if I will make the connection at Victoria.

An instant later I jolt back as an ear-splitting screech fills the tunnel. Covering my ears, I crouch back, sparks flying from the tracks as the speeding tube train attempts an emergency stop. When it finally comes to a standstill, only two-thirds out of the tunnel, there is an eery silence.

Oh my God, did you see that, did you see that? says the guy standing in the middle of the platform. He jumped, he jumped!

I look left and, indeed, the man by the tunnel opening has disappeared, leaving just the two of us on the platform.

The trains doors remain locked, keeping the passengers inside, and for a minute or so there is further silence.

Eventually the platform staff arrive but, bizarrely, they completely ignore the other commuter and I, as if we are invisible. Nobody speaks to us, nobody asks us anything. We take a seat on the platform next to each other and watch in silence as the staff evacuate the train and guide the passengers out of the station. When the platform is finally clear, we are still sitting there, bemused by what has just happened. The two of us, a silent train, a few staff and a person or body somewhere on the track.

I exchange a few words with my fellow witness and then, realizing this route is now closed and the staff seem disinterested in our presence, I head out of the station and jump into a taxi to complete my connection at Victoria and make my way home.

What had caused him to jump? What was he running away from? What was he trying to do?

One of the most common reasons people commit suicide is an attempt to escape what they are feeling or experiencing and because they can see no positive viable future. Oddly, looking back now, at the time of this incident I completely understood how he may have been feeling. I say may because it is actually impossible to know his motivations. But at this particular time in my life I was feeling stuck, trapped, even wanting the world to fall into chaos so I didnt have to face or deal with what I was going through. Ill share the details later but, not for the first time in my life, I understood why so many people want to bail out.

Each day feeling torn apart inside, I too wanted to escape. But not from life I know the terrible damage that can leave behind for others and so have never seen that as an option. What I wanted to escape from was what I was feeling so that I could get on with life.

Many, many people reach that desperation point and of course there are occasions where a change of circumstances may be in order (we will cover that later), but this book is not about encouraging anyone to run away from anything. Ultimately, I dont believe we can wherever we go we just take ourselves with us. It is especially not about encouraging anyone to run away from feelings and emotions because I do not believe we can do that either, though many people try.

This book is about escaping, resolving or overcoming our limitations or perceived limitations so that we can feel better now and move on in life. When we do that, new opportunities and new possibilities become available; things begin to change and we feel different. We make different choices, have different experiences, and tend to have, be and do more of what brings us greater satisfaction, pleasure, reward and happiness and that is what I want you to experience more of by reading this book.