Candace Cameron Bure - Kind Is the New Classy: The Power of Living Graciously

Contents

I sat on the floor in the dark, knees pulled to my chest, face in my hands, sobbing. The three-by-two-foot closet of my dressing room at The View was the only place I could find to hide, work out my overwhelmed emotions, and pray to the Lord. I only hoped the closet door muffled the sound of my guttural cry, because I just couldnt keep it contained anymore.

I was about to go live on national television after hearing the reports of the San Bernardino terrorist attack after learning that fourteen people had been shot and killed and twenty-two others were seriously injured. The details were still coming in, and my cell phone kept ringing because Southern California schools had been put on lockdown, including the public middle and high schools my three kids attended. I felt so helpless, unable to protect my babies in Los Angeles from across the country in New York City. The heartbreak, disgust, and anger I was feeling had overtaken any sense of composure.

Moments before I crawled into my closet, I was in the bullpen getting details from the producers as the story unraveled, and Id called my kids and finally reached Lev on his cell.

The bullpen is what we call the open-plan office area where all the producers, writers, and their assistants work at their desks, making morning-of-show decisions, tracking the current news, and gathering research materials the cohosts may need to prove their point. Just like the area where pitchers go to warm up during a game, this area is crowded, chaotic, and often tense before a live show.

Are you okay? Do you feel safe? Tell me how youre feeling, I asked. After a brief chat, we hung up and I called my husband, Val, who had been filling me in on school details. When he heard the questions Id asked Lev, he got upset.

Why would you play into the fear? Why didnt you reassure him everything is okay and they arent in any danger? Youre causing panic that was never there for them.

I was speechless. How could my questions of concern to my children be overshadowed by Vals concern that Id said the wrong things to them? My emotions got hot and heated, which isnt typical for me unless Im on the brink of overload. I raised my voice in anger and started crying uncontrollably. Despite my attempts to keep my cool and lower my voice, Im sure everyone could hear me.

Thats when I did what Ive seen my daughter do when shes upset and wants to be alone. I hung up the phone and hid in the tiny closet in my dressing room. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to calm myself and figure out how to pull it together enough to get through the live, one-hour show that started in just thirty minutes.

Thats when I heard a knock on my dressing room door. I didnt want to talk to anyone, and I hadnt caught my breath enough to do so anyway, so I ignored it. But the knock persisted. I waited, hoping whoever it was would go away. They knocked again. I slowly opened the closet door and stood up, wiped the tears from my face, and took a deep breath. Maybe theyll leave, I thought. But louder and firmer, the knocking continued. So I opened the dressing room door, and there stood my cohost, Whoopi Goldberg.

May I come in? she asked gently.

Yes, I managed to whisper.

She took a step into my dressing room and closed the door behind her. There she stood with open arms as she said, Come here. She hugged me, like a mama bear hugs and protects her babies. I sobbed into her shoulder, knowing I was probably getting her crisp white shirt smeared with mascara. She didnt care about the shirt. She kept hugging me until I decided to let go.

Youre gonna be fine, she said. Ive got your back. I wont let you fall out there. Its gonna be okay. Just speak from your heart today.

That simple act of kindness was more valuable to me than any extravagant present. It was genuine kindness, pure and simple. Whoopi saw me in distress, and she offered compassion and protection, not because she owed it to me or because it would bring her personal gain but simply as a selfless act. She put herself in my shoes and offered exactly what she would have wanted in that moment if our roles had been reversed. Because of that moment of kindness, I was able to walk onto the set with a little more hope that day, just when I needed it most.

What Money Cant Buy

Picture Audrey Hepburn with her hair swept high behind a jeweled tiara, wearing big black sunglasses, in a classic little black dress. Maybe, like me, you think of her in Breakfast at Tiffanyswith her diamond choker necklace and long satin glovesas the ultimate image of classy.

Or maybe you think of elegant and prestigious hotels like the Plaza in New York City, or those perfume ads with stunning stars like Charlize Theron or Natalie Portman dressed in gorgeous gowns, surrounded by roses. When I say classy, maybe you think of black-tie affairs, strings of pearls, or striking high heels.

While those images certainly feel classy, I believe that true classiness comes from the heart, in the form of kindness. Because no matter what youre wearing, what youre driving, where youre staying, or how much cash you have in the bank, kindness never goes out of style, and it makes all the difference in the world.

Every day, in a hundred ways, women encounter ads trying to sell us things that promise to make us look and feel amazing. Ive bought my fair share of face creams, shapewear, and juice cleanses, I freely admit! But the things that make a woman feel good inside and outand make those around her feel good and happy to be with herare not for sale. Things like kindness, self-discipline, purpose, humility, grace, confidence, hospitality, and peace cannot be marketed in a slick magazine ad or in a movie.

Thats why I wanted to write this book. I believe our world is in need of more women who value the virtue of kindness. I hope this book will be a soul-inspiring invitation to you to embody gracefulness in moments big and small. Sure, its gonna take some effort. Kindness doesnt come easy, because it goes against the grain of our me-first mentality. But it will be so worth it, and frankly the stakes are sky-high if we dont.

We live in a unique moment in time. Im so grateful for the trailblazing women whove gone before methe ones who carved the path that you and I walk now. Women like Marie Curie, Rosa Parks, Emmeline Pankhurst, Jeannette Rankin, Gertrude Ederle, Amelia Earhart, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Billie Jean King, Valentina Tereshkova, and Lucille Ball, to name a few. These women pushed boundaries for the good of others, redefining what women can and cant do, and setting some seriously classy examples for us all.

When I was growing up, my parents encouraged each of us kidsmy brother, two sisters, and meto pursue our passions. If we had a goal, they helped guide us and support us to achieve it. Gender was never considered a true barrier in our house. That wasnt the case when my mom or my grandmothers were growing up, but it was for me and my sisters. Thanks to our parents support, we knew that if we put our minds to it, we could do anything.

Never before have women had the freedoms we have today. And choices? We have choices in abundance! My daughter Natasha recently graduated from high school. As weve walked through this season of transition together, Ive told her often that she has the power to choose exactly what her life looks like from here on out. The world is truly her oyster, and there are pearls everywhere she looks. What would women even fifty years ago have given to have so many choices?

Granted, we each have limitations. But for American women with strong resolve, nothing is off the table. We have more opportunities than weve ever had before.