Ann Wilson - Ripped to Shreds: A True Story of Domestic Abuse in a Small Town

RIPPED TO SHREDS

A TRUE STORY OF DOMESTIC ABUSE IN A SMALL TOWN

Ann Wilson

RIPPED TO SHREDS

A TRUE STORY OF DOMESTIC ABUSE IN A SMALL TOWN

Copyright 2017 Ann Wilson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. [Biblica]

Scripture quotations marked AMP are from The Amplified Bible, Old Testament copyright 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified Bible, New Testament copyright 1954, 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV). Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-5320-2753-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-2749-9 (e)

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iUniverse rev. date: 04/12/2019

To the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

To my children, Ted, Marian, Tira, and Nicole, and my grandchildren, who suffered with me yet comforted me.

To my parents, Ken and Doris, and my grandmother, Debra, who took charge while I was healing.

To my siblings, Ken Jr. (deceased), Sara,
Tonya (deceased), Denise, Kelvin, and Toya.

To my aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends.

To every woman or man who has suffered, or is currently suffering, with domestic violence. A tragic end can be stopped in the beginning with awareness.

Purposed by God

There is a divine purpose for you.

Do not regret what you have gone through.

Others cannot see why.

There is a time set aside.

Your purpose will be known.

Hold on! Hold on!

You will survive.

Contents

I would like to give special thanks to the following people who have assisted me in the completion of this project. I appreciate your patience, understanding, and assistance. Thank you all for identifying with me, praying with me and for me before, during, and after this terrifying event that threatened to take over my life.

You all have been there when I needed you, and I can never thank you enough. Maybe you were there to lend a helping hand with typing my poems, helping me fill out paperwork, or translating materials for me. Whatever your role, please know that I will be forever grateful and you will always be in my heart.

To Candice Bray, Valerie Flowers, Darlene Holiday, Raven Harrison, Celeste Rivera, Nicole Blankenship, Lindsey Brown, Evelyn Bradley, Elizabeth Akens, Sue Taylor and Denise Jenkins -I love and appreciate you. To the medical staff at Lance-Madison Army Community Hospital, Colonel Andrews, and Nurse Henderson, I appreciate the extra special care you took in an effort to save my life. Hallelujah! It worked!

To the medical staff at Sims Thompson Medical Center and Doctors Henry, Avers, and Lauder, thank you for making those lifesaving decisions and sticking with me throughout these years.

I will never forget how safe I felt in your presence. Then assistant district attorney Alvin Campbell, Detective Raymond Owens, and Campbells team of lawyers worked hard to secure a conviction, which was not easy back when domestic violence was such a taboo subject, so I thank them all for making sure my abuser did not escape justice.

Dr. Brad Costner for giving me the necessary tools for becoming a strong advocate against domestic violence. I thank everyone who sat down for interviews during the course of writing this book. Your input was valuable. Maybe you blessed me with a smile or a short conversation during those years when it was hard for me to look in the mirror. To you it might have been a small act, but to me it was everything! I thank you because I desperately needed to feel love.

Finally, I want to thank Emily Kirkley for her encouraging words.

I am a survivor of domestic violence. I am writing this story to shed light on the devastation of domestic violenceand how it affected me and my children, my friends, my family, and other innocent peoplein hopes that it will help others. By reading my story, you will understand what I experienced. Domestic violence is serious, and the abusers become bolder in carrying out their controlling plans. I had no idea that the man to whom I was married was an abuser. He hid all the obvious signs and masked them quite well. I suggest that people find out as much as possible about the individuals they become involved with. Consider background checks. Take your time instead of allowing your emotions to run wild. Look out for yourself, as well as your family and friends. The abuser cannot love. This is a proven fact. Commonly, the victim cannot comprehend why that person cannot love, but this is true. An abuser manipulates and controls. It will be his or her way and nothing else. Each one has a way to keep his or her victim under his or her control. The victim gives in and thinks that there is no hope. I felt the same way. I was placed in bondage, and thats what it felt like. I gave in to misery, helplessness, and hopelessness, and I just wanted to die. I lost my identity, the person God had made me to be. I was living under what my abuser wanted me to be. In my case, I felt there was nothing that could stop this abuse but death. But there is hope, help, and resources, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Their number is 1-800-799-7233. It is open twenty-four hours, seven days a week, including holidays. They make referrals to place you into a safe environment. You can always call 911 too. I felt like I was at fault for the abuse, but this was not true. Each victim feels as though he or she has done something wrong to be abused. It is a normal reaction, but it is false. You are not at fault. I thought I could change him, but I could not. I did certain things that I thought would help him to see that I loved him, but it was to no avail. One cannot change the abuser. The only way to avoid the catastrophe of abuse is to seek help. That is a big start. It took years of counseling, hospitalizations, and surgeries after my husband shot me three times, which ripped half of the right side of my face off. I lost an eye, and I will always be in constant pain because of a nerve injury in my arm, not to mention the resection of fractured ribs from the bullets. I have bullet fragments all over my body that prevent me from having an MRI. Im telling my story to help people realize that it is not over if they are involved in relationships with domestic violence. You can survive. You just need to get help and get out of it. You are not alone. I survived to tell my story so that others can take heed. There is light at the end of the tunnel, with faith and hope. Do not be ashamed of getting help. For those who are not involved in domestic violence situations, dont be afraid to make phone calls to the police or social services, especially if children are involved in the homes, if you suspect domestic violence. You could be saving someones life. Remember that abusers cannot love. These people are cowards, and they strike unexpectedly. When I was growing up, I would see women with swollen black eyes, busted lips, and other injuries, and now I know that possibly they were victims of domestic violence. However, no one did anything for them. The law enforcement was not brought in, and these victims suffered in silence. Even at the time I was shot, the belief that women were at fault for the abuse was still pervasive. But now victims have a voice and can be heard. They can get the help and rehabilitation they need through resources available.