Ed Young - Fifty Shades of They: Insights That Bring Life to Your Relationships

INSIGHTS THAT BRING LIFE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR

ED YOUNG

Copyright 2014, Edwin B. Young

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher at the address below.

All scripture, unless otherwise noted is the NIV translation THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Excerpt from The Navy SEAL Code
Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, Narcissism Epidemic: Living in an Age of Entitlement (Atria Books 2010)

Cover Design by Fellowship Church
Cover Illustration by Fellowship Church
Editing by Cara Highsmith, Highsmith Creative Services, www.highsmithcreative.com

Published in Dallas, Texas by Creality Publishing
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition 14 13 12 11 10 / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
ISBN 978-1-942306-03-0

This book is dedicated to anyone who wants to get the most out of their relationships. From business partnerships to marriages, classroom acquaintances to lifelong friendships, we all experience relationships. Why? Because life is not a solo sport. We are created as relational beings.

The words, insights, and truths captured on these pages were written to help your relationships grow into a vibrant picture that influences the world around you. Whatever your relational world looks like, this book is in your hands to help you experience another level of meaning and purpose!

I went to high school with a kid named Larry. Id say we were friends; not close friends, but we hung out a good bit because we played a lot of sports together. After my junior year in high school, my family and I moved from Columbia, South Carolina, all the way to Houston, Texas1,004 miles away. I pretty much lost contact with Larry until six years later. One night I got a phone call from one of my closest friends.

Ed, he said, do you remember Larry?

I said, Yes, I remember him.

He said, Are you sitting down?

I said, Yes. Why?

He said, Ed, Larry just murdered someone.

I said, Are you kidding me? Larry? That was the last thing I expected to hear on the other end of the phone that day. I knew Larry had been getting into some trouble after high school, but murder? What happens in someones life to take them from being the innocent kid you played basketball with to someone who has been convicted of murder?

Two weeks later I found myself sitting across from Larry at a picnic table in a state penitentiary prison yard. In the midst of our conversation I said, Larry, I just have to ask you; where did the wheels come off? Where did the problems begin?

And with tears streaming down his face he responded with four bone-chilling words I will never forget:

I had these friends...

I had these friends. I cant count how many times Ive heard that four-word phrase from people. From junior high school students to high school students, from high school students to college students; from those who are married to those who are single; those with kids and those without; business owners, professional athletes, stay-at-home mothers, and divorced fathers; whenever I talk with someone in the throes of a drug problem or an alcohol abuse situation or violence or anger or illicit behavior or whatever; whenever I ask them, Where did the wheels come off? When did everything start messing up?
They always start with, I had these friends...

So often we dont realize the sheer force and influence relationships have in our lives. I would say, generally speaking, the majority of issues we face today all go back to one powerful question: Who are THEY?

For just a moment, take a panoramic look at the relationships in your life. They are who you are hanging around, rubbing shoulders with, doing business with, and doing life with. The aspects that shades of color contribute to a work of artthe tiny details that greatly impact the final resultare what they mean to your life and mine. Its the undeniable power of they.

Maybe you recognize the fact that some people in your life are the wrong kind of they. And, while you may not end up in the penitentiary like my friend Larry, you know they arent taking you where you need to go. Maybe as you take that panoramic view of those youre closest to, you see some pretty good people. Youre pretty sure youre surrounded by the right kind of they. But how do we know for sure if were surrounded by the right they? This book will unpack fifty simple, sushi-sized servings of truth and insight you can apply to your life to help you find, become, and grow with the right they.

In my 50-plus years of life, more than thirty years of marriage, more than twenty-five years of ministry, and twenty-eight years of parenting, Ive seen all kinds of relationships. Ive learned a lot about people. Ive seen the relationships of young adults and married couples, families, business partners, and lifelong friends grow, thrive, and leave a lasting legacy. Ive also seen the other end of the spectrum with heartbreak and wreckage. What is the difference? They. If you show me who they are in your life, I can show you where your life will be in the future.

So, before you turn the page and begin to discover who the right they are, what they have, and what they do, Ive got to ask you, as you look at your life: Who are they?

Years ago I was approached by a Hollywood producer to sit down with an adult film actor and discuss our difference in opinions on sexuality. Its not every day you get to sit down and talk openly about the Bible with a porn star, so I thought about it, prayed about it, and obviously talked with my wife Lisa about it. And then, I called this producer and said, Lets do it, and lets host it here at Fellowship Church.

So, days later, the limousine pulled up, she got out along with her boyfriend/agent who also used to be a porn star, and we sat down, cameras rolling, to begin the discussion.

Her argument out of the gate was, I help marriages. I help spice up their sex life, she said. I help give singles a sexual release. I like to live on the edge, and its not like Im hurting anyone.

We talked for some time. I answered many of her questions about God and the Bible. Then, after a while I said, Think about sex as you would a Maserati. What if you gave me a Maserati? I would take excellent care of the car. I wouldnt take it off-roading. I wouldnt trash it or mess it up. Then I said, You might not realize it, but you are taking this Maseratisexand going off-roading with it. You are taking the content (sex) out of the right context (marriage), and its only going to lead to chaos. Ive counseled enough people and seen enough lives damaged and destroyed by pornography to know its not going to work for you.

I went on to say, Do you know why you are here? Its not for a television show. Youre here because God has driven you here. You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, and if you truly want to live on the edge, if you want the best, if you want to discover how good God is, you have to give it all to Him.

She began to lean in and got teary-eyed. You could see the gears turning in her head. Obviously God had orchestrated our paths for a purpose greater than what that Hollywood producer had. And as she left the church that day she turned to her boyfriend and said, What if hes right?