Dylan J Sessler - Defy the Darkness: A Story of Suicide, Mental Health, and Overcoming Your Hardest Battles

DEFY
THE
DARKNESS

A Story of Suicide, Mental Health, and Overcoming Your Hardest Battles

By

Dylan J. Sessler

2021 Dylan J. Sessler

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the author, except permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permissions contact:

Print ISBN: 978-1-7372861-0-3

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-7372861-1-0

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021912373

First Edition

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Visit the authors website at www.DylanSessler.com

Printed in the U.S.A.

This book is typeset in Open Sans and Garamond.

Self-Published by Dylan J. Sessler ( www.DylanSessler.com ).

From the author: I am not a Mental Health Professional. The thoughts and ideas expressed in this book are based upon my own experiences and my own research. This book will not cure your mental health issues, it will only offer you a different perspective. Understand that your life is different from mine and I assume no liability for losses or damages due to the information provided. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own choices, actions, and results. Finally, if you are struggling with any kind of mental health emergency, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255.

Dedicated to the man that showed me how to live.

Rest in Peace

~Donald J. Sessler~

July 17, 1960 August 12, 1996

Contents

Introduction

As I watched my fathers face, I recognized a dark truth. He wasnt coming back. How could I understand at six years old that he was lying to me for the last time? I dont know how; I just knew there was something profoundly wrong. I felt his pain and suffering through his faade. What I recognized at six years old was a feeling that has yet to be explained outside of an instinct. My instincts were absolutely right. My father left that day and never came home. He ended his life in a secluded park outside my hometown. The dark feeling in the pit of my stomach told me something was wrong before it even happened. What do you do when you are faced with that for the first time in your life? What do you do when you face it as a kid who knows nothing of the world? My ignorance didnt save me from what happened. In fact, it was my ignorance that drove me to the self-destructive decision to put a gun to my own head at age twenty-five because of what I had seen.

What people dont tell you about dealing with suicide or most mental health issues is that its more than just the blame you place on yourself. Its the darkness you surround yourself with. Its the feelings that remind you of how you and all the people in their life failed to keep them going. In response to what you faced; you vow to make a difference. Although, you forget about yourself in the process because you feel undeserving. They dont tell you about the downward spiral of how guilt compounds your shame and shame compounds your guilt. The onset of the depression, the anxiety, the PTSD just reminds you how lonely you feel, but you believe so deeply that you deserve it for failing them, you remain silent... no one would understand anyway. They dont tell you that. They tell you, it wasnt your fault, like that is supposed to change it all.

There is a sense of animosity when people tell you how to feel when it doesnt feel right. That animosity only isolates and confuses those who struggle even more. Defy the Darkness is for anyone who doesnt know how to keep going. It is for the person who is struggling to see beyond their darkest days. It is for all the times someone told you that you arent good enough. It is for all the life moments that broke you. It is for the people who have been told how they should feel rather than being allowed to feel. It is for all the years youve struggled alone with pain and suffering. It is for every time youve hit rock bottom. I hope that, with this book, you will find a way to step into the light. This book is for you.

If you are struggling to find your purpose or understand the world around you, I am hopeful that Defy the Darkness will help you find a way to move forward and step into the light. I have experienced, observed, and carefully studied the effects that life has on people. I didnt get the luxury of living a normal childhood which also gave me the opportunity to pay attention to the world around me. Now, one of the greatest joys in my life is watching people defy the darkness within themselves and learn to truly live. I want this book to serve as your gateway to the life you deserve.

I believe in the power of adaptation and our inherent ability to control human physiology. I believe the human mind is the source of our undeniable power to succeed. Let this book serve as a guiding light to redefining your life. Let it serve as the permission to feel what you need to feel and to love yourself. Allow it to show you how to love your story and value every success and failure you have ever experienced. They have all brought you here to reading this book. Whether this is the worst time of your life, or the best, or somewhere in between, let Defy the Darkness remind you that your empathy should also be practiced on yourself first. You cant expect someone else to change a part of you that you should be changing yourself. It will always be up to you.

Many years ago, I found myself searching for a solution to an unanswerable question. It was a simple question, yet one responsible for lasting repercussions in my life. You see, our internal choices affect us the most. Defining who we are as a person requires years, if not decades, of thought and contemplation, and we often dont get it right the first time. In the aftermath of my fathers death, I was trying desperately to answer: Why? This impossible question caused me to suffer deeply, and time offers no respite from lifes many complexities. Even if we try to hide from it, we are always tuned into who we are. The body knows more than we give it credit for; the questions you hide from are the ones that unleash torrents of stress.

My story could have held me underwater my entire life. Every unfortunate thing that happened to me could have served as the fuel for me to continue to play victim. I easily could have resigned myself to the very depression, anxiety, and fear that was borne out of the experiences I endured. I could havebut I didnt. Every ounce of life within us is capable of igniting the rocket of change and sending us soaring into a world we never imagined could exist. Every struggle, every ounce of pain, every wrong, and every loss is the undercurrent of strength you have been searching for. Stop shying away from those parts of your character you consider weaknesses and build them into your strengths. This isnt possible with waiting; it takes action. I wrote this book to help you gain perspective, to find your strength, to reimagine your life, to focus on your passion, and to identify the best version of yourself. I wrote this to help you take action.

My thoughts on perspective are supported by my personal experience, the shared experience of others, and the scientific research of many extraordinary people. This perspective has the potential to become foundational if you choose to learn it. I built my foundation in the aftermath of my greatest trial: the suicide of my father. While defiance led me to anger, sorrow, fear, and ignorance, I began to realize that I was blind to all the possibilities that lay beyond my emotions. This is not to suggest that my viewpoint toward emotion is negative; far from it, in fact. What I am asserting is that emotion has a way of constructing unseen obstacles that impede learning and development.