Brent L. Top - When You Cant Do It Alone

Because I Have Been Given Much, from Light of the Years by Grace Noll Crowell, copyright 1936 by Harper and Row, Publishers, Inc. Copyright renewed 1964 by Grace Noll Crowell. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers.

When FaithEndures, by Naomi W. Randall by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. Used bypermission.

Where Can I Turnfor Peace? by Emma Lou Thayne by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. Used bypermission.

Libraryof Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Top, Brent L.

Whenyou can't do it alone / Brent L. Top.

p. cm.

Includesbibliographical references and index.

ISBN978-1-59038-958-4 (hardcover : alk. paper)

1. Top,Brent L. 2. Depressed personsReligiouslife. 3. Spiritual lifeChurch of Jesus Christ ofLatter-day Saints. 4. Depression, MentalReligiousaspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I. Title.

BX8643.D44T672008

289.3092dc22

[B] 2008019738

Printed in the United States of America

Publishers Printing, Salt LakeCity, UT

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

However halting our steps aretoward himthough they shouldnt be halting atallhis steps are never halting toward us. May we have enoughfaith to accept the goodness of God and the mercy of his Only Begotten Son. Maywe come unto him and his gospel and be healed. And may we do more to healothers in the process. When the storms of life make this difficult, may westill follow his bidding to come, keeping our eye fixed on him forever andsingle to his glory. In doing so we too will walk triumphantly over theswelling waves of lifes difficulties and remain unterrified amid any risingwinds of despair.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Come unto Me, 23

Preface

Thisis a very personal story. In fact, it is so personal that I havestruggled with whether or not I should write about my experience. Obviously, Ihave decided to share with you my story, but let me tell you a few of thereasons for my reluctance.

First, the natural man in me fears that you will thinkless of methat I lack faith, that I dont really understand(or believe) the principles I have spent my lifetime teaching, or that if I hada stronger testimony my experience would have been less painful.Self-disclosure is difficult.

Second, I hesitate to set myself up as an expert in anythingor to assume a position of authority. I dont have all the answers for myselfand my own familylet alone for others. My experiences areprobably not exactly like yours. My struggles are not your struggles and myweaknesses are not your weaknesses (lucky for you!).

But there are similarities in our challenges because of ourshared human condition and the desire instilled in us by the gospel to dobetter and to be better. We can learn from each other and help strengthen eachother. In doing so, we seek to fulfill our covenants to bear one anothersburdens, that they may be light (Mosiah 18:8) and succor the weak, lift upthe hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees (D&C 81:5). I am grateful for those who have succored andstrengthened me when my burdens caused my knees to buckle.

I hope that in some small way the things I have learned willbe a source of insight, inspiration, and strength toyouwhatever your burdens, whatever your challenges, whateveryour circumstances. Perhaps you already know these things, and I dont professto teach you anything new. I have learned, however, that there is strength inalways remembering the lessons we learn and continually applying them in thevarious seasons and circumstances of our lives.

Another reason why I am somewhat hesitant to be too open inthis book is the profound sacredness that I feel in the Lords tutoring of me.In my extremities He has cradled me. In my discouragement, He has buoyed me up.In those moments when I have been at a loss for explanations, He has given meunderstanding. At other times when I have been left withoutunderstandingwhen I can see no meaning in the madness, Hehas given me peace. You cannot experience these things without feeling a deepsense of reverence. I hope that my words will reflect that reverence.

Elder Orson F. Whitney observed:

No pain that we suffer, no trial we experience is wasted. Itministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience,faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure,especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies ourhearts, expands our souls, and makes us more charitable, more worthy to becalled the children of God... and it is through sorrow andsuffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we came hereto acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven (asquoted by Spencer W. Kimball in Faith Precedes the Miracle, 98).

The phrases it ministers to our education and that wegain the education that we came here to acquire jump out at me. Perhaps thatis because I am a teacher. The longer I live and the more I experience in life,the more I learn that education is not merely learning new things, but livingin a new waya better way. Yet the education that we came hereto acquire is more than just acquiring knowledge for ourselves to better ourlives; it is for sharing with others and helping to better their lives. Eachday I pass through the gates of Brigham Young University, where a sign readsEnter to Learn. Go Forth to Serve. So it is with our own educationalexperiences of pain and problems and difficulties and discouragement. Weenter them to learn what the Lord would have us learn, not just so we canendure more faithfully, but also so that we can go forth to serve othersthrough lifting and loving.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said that the Lord made known to himthat his own struggle against cancer was designed to give authenticity to hisministry (see Bruce C. Hafen, A Disciples Life, 562). In a much smaller way, I feel that, because of what I haveexperienced, I can testify with authenticity of the peace and strength thatindeed come to those who cast their burdens upon the Lord. In a way that Inever quite imagined before, I became a witness to the Lords promise: Mygrace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness (2Corinthians 12:9). I now have a better understanding of what Paul meant when hedeclared in the same verse: Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in myinfirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

As I have shared my experience with others I have noticedthat some people are surprised (and maybe even a little uncomfortable) with myspeaking so candidly about my own struggles. However, most have been gratefulto discover that they are not alone in their own feelings. With sharedexperience can come shared hope and shared strength from learning from eachother, by linking arms together and looking to the Lord as the ultimate sourceof our strength and comfort. It is to this end that I have written thisbook.

I, alone, am responsible for the ideas and applicationspresented in this book. They do not represent the official doctrine or positionof The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nor would I wantanyone to assume that I am speaking for the leadership of the Church. I fullyunderstand that the doctrine of the Church is declared only by the Lordsanointed prophets, seers, and revelators. I sustain them wholeheartedly. I havetried my best to ensure that the ideas presented here are in harmony with theteachings of the scriptures and leaders of the Church. If there are doctrinaldeficiencies, they come strictly from my own weaknesses. It is my hope andprayer that this book will, in some small way, strengthen your love andgratitude for the Lord and increase your understanding of the enabling power ofHis grace.