Mike Mason - Practicing the Presence of People: How We Learn to Love

P RACTICING THE P RESENCE OF P EOPLE
P UBLISHED BY W ATER B ROOK P RESS
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Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Lowercase pronouns for deity have been maintained in quotations from the NIV in observance of copyright law.

Excerpts are taken from The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection. Copyright 1977 by John J. Delaney. Used by permission of Doubleday, a division of Random House, Inc.

A previous version of Fun was published in the July-August 1998 issue of Union Life, and a previous version of Sadness appeared in the March-April 1998 issue of Union Life.

Copyright 1999 by Mike Mason

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Mason, Mike, 1952
Practicing the presence of people : how we learn to love / Mike
Mason.1st ed.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-307-56906-6
1. Interpersonal relationsReligious aspectsChristianity
Meditations. 2. LoveReligious aspectsChristianity Meditations.
I. Title.
BV4597.52.M37 1999
241.4dc21 99-33834

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v3.1

Dedicated to

Thelma Box

and to all the people of

Choices

Changing the world

one heart at a time.

T wenty years ago I was sitting with my parents at the airport. Id been home for a visit and now I was leaving. My life was a mess. I was an alcoholic and that was just the tip of the iceberg. The relationship with my parents was, to put it mildly, strained, and our visit had not gone well. Nevertheless, in those last few moments of saying our good-byes at the airport, something pure and good rose up inside me.

We were sitting on plastic chairs at a little round chrome table. I have no idea what we talked about. Normally I would have felt bored and agitated, counting the seconds until I could leave the company of these dull, vapid people with whom I had nothing in common except blood. Besides clock watching, I would normally have been girl watching, staring past my old mother and entertaining thoughts that had nothing to do with our stilted conversation.

Isnt this a good picture of modern man? Plagued by distractions, addictions, obsessions, never at home in his own skin, never truly connecting with others, never at one with present reality, and anxiously awaiting a plane going nowhere.

This occasion, however, turned out to be different. I dont know why; I dont know what prompted it. I wouldnt have known I had this in me. But suddenly all the distractions around me faded away, and I found myself absorbed in my mother and father, paying them the closest attention. It was just as if I were sitting across from a woman with whom I was falling in love. I remember feeling bathed in a kind of glow shining from their faces. Some well of wonder opened up, and I was touched inexplicably with a deep tenderness, a rush of gratitude for who these people were and for all they meant to me. Though the place was crawling with pretty girls, for once I was overwhelmed by something prettier and sweeter. Moreover I felt this as a movement in my will, as if this were not just a phenomenon that was happening to me, but something I was choosing.

For the first time in my life I was experiencing the conscious ability to enter fully into the here and now. This felt different from anything I had ever known, and I liked it. I loved the feeling of choosing to be real. I loved the sense of being fully there for my parents, of appreciating and loving them. Paying full attention to the people I was with gave me a taste of freedom that was like nothing else on earth. How did I know how to do this? Search me. But I wanted this feeling to last forever, and I determined to try to hold on to it.

Of course, like most grand resolutions, this one vanished almost immediately. A few minutes later I was on the plane, still savoring the unusual lightness in my heart, still basking in the glow of love. But all too soon the world of illusion came crashing back in, and I forgot all about my wonderful experience. In fact, ten years elapsed before anything like this happened to me again. And more years passed before I learned that the practice of the presence of people really is something I can keep happening in my life simply by choosing and cultivating it.

This book was inspired, as is obvious from its title, by Brother Lawrences book The Practice of the Presence of God. For years Ive had a love affair with this beautiful classic. Of all the devotional books Ive read, this one seems to me the most practical. Ive read it many times, and gradually its simple ideas about prayer have been woven into my heart. I like to think of my book as both a homage to Brother Lawrence and a kind of sequel to his work.

I love to pray. Theres nothing Id rather do. Socially I often feel awkward and insecure. But leave me alone in a room or beside a quiet lake, and Im happy as a clam. A contemplative by nature, in years of solitude Ive learned a good deal about what is known as contemplative prayer.

One day in contemplation there came to me the phrase the practice of the presence of people. And with it came this thought: Why not take all that Ive learned about knowing God through contemplative prayer and apply it to knowing people? After all, since God is a person to whom we relate through prayer, shouldnt the principles of prayer also apply to knowing other persons made in His image?

Books originate in different ways: a persistent memory, an image, an opening sentence, a core idea. This book began with its title. For a long time thats all it was; I had no idea it would turn into a book. All I had was this compelling phrase the practice of the presence of people. Seven words, really just three words. For months I kept mulling this phrase over, pondering it and letting it ponder me.

While countless books have been written on the contemplation of God, I do not know of any book on the prayerful contemplation of people. Yet the more I pondered my phrase, the more deeply excited I became. In fact, so eager was I to experiment with this wonderful idea, I found myself spending more and more time with people!

Most amazing of all, I found that it works. By treating people the same way I treat God, I began to relax with them and enjoy them. Not only that, but the more I make my peace with people, the deeper grows my peace with God. The more I pay attention to people and connect with them, the richer grows my prayer life. The more I give myself to others, the more happy and fulfilled I feel.