Ray Giunta - The Grief Recovery Workbook: Helping You Weather the Storm of Loss and Overwhelming Disappointment

GRIEF RECOVERY WORKBOOK

GRIEF RECOVERY
WORKBOOK

Helping You Weather the Storms of Death, Divorce,
and Overwhelming Disappointments

CHAPLAIN RAY GIUNTA
with Cathy Giunta

GRIEF RECOVERYWORKBOOK:

Helping You Weather the Storms of Death, Divorce, and Overwhelming Disappointments

Copyright 2002 by Ray and Cathy Giunta.

Published by Integrity Publishers, a division of Integrity Media, Inc., 5250 Virginia Way, Suite 110, Brentwood, TN 37027.

HELPING PEOPLE WORLDWIDE EXPERIENCE the MANIFEST PRESENCE of GOD

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in association with Yates and Yates, LLP, Literary Agents, Orange, California.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

Other Scripture quotations are taken from the following sources:

The New King James Version (NKJV), copyright 1979, 1980, 1982, Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers. Used by permission.

New American Standard Bible (NASB), copyright 1960, 1977 by the Lockman Foundation.

Cover Design: David Uttley
UDG / DesignWorks
www.udgdesignworks.com
Interior Design & Layout: PerfecType, Nashville, TN

ISBN 1-59145-024-1

Printed in the United States of America

02 03 04 05 06 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I would like to dedicate this book to all of those who have suffered a loss, journeyed the road of grief, and found the love in their hearts to share their experiences. Without your strength, courage, and commitment to help others, this guide for people who are just beginning their journeys would not have been possible.

Contents

The following workbook has been designed as a step-by-step self-help course for those experiencing catastrophic loss of any kind. It can also be used as curriculum by individuals in a group setting, and is a training tool for those wanting to become compassionate care providers. I have trained thousands of people who have wanted to know what to say, what to do, how to help in the everyday crises of life as well as in national crises.

Anyone, everyone, can be a chaplain on some level to the survivors of crises in his or her spheres of influence. There are tragedies every day happening all around us. In fact, that is how I first began this work. In 1987, I had seen the newspaper headline reporting the tragic deaths of two small boys who were hit by a car while riding a tricycle. It had caught my eye and my heart. I suddenly wondered who was helping their single mothers with the practical matters of the tragedy. Who was helping them pick up the pieces, bury the boys properly, cope with the arrangements and the costs? I found out the answerno one was helping them. No social services group can meet all the needs of the traumatized. They were about to fall through the cracks of societys official safety nets. So I volunteered. We Care, our organization providing compassionate crisis care, was begun that simply. Our compassionate Christian social work began slowly to fill a growing gap in crisis care, and the work ultimately included the nations escalating number of mass tragedies, from school shootings to terrorists bombings, including sixty-eight days at Ground Zero after the World Trade Center attack on September 11, 2001.

If you are interested in using this workbook as a self-training tool, I commend you and direct you to the back to Appendix 2, which is an addition to the workbook course provided just for you. Youll also notice that a CD has been included in this volume. It contains prayerful, chapter-by-chapter guidance for moving beyond your loss and reaching out to others. Finally, feel free to contact us for our audio series, which captures the material as it was taught in a live setting to people who came for healing and training. Twelve audio tape sessions are available to assist you as you go through this book.

Now begin the workbook, choosing a loss from your own life to examine as you go. And please contact us at any time at www.wecare4u.org.

Serving you,

Chaplain Ray and Cathy Giunta

Introduction
Take Only Memories,
Leave Only Footprints

Each day, I take my morning walk. Down the steep hill I go, over the concrete bridge that covers the seasonal creek and then turning right at the end of the bridge. By this point, I am deep in my thoughts of praise and adoration for God as I enter a nearby wilderness preserve through the rear gate.

Traveling a path covered by a canopy of black oaks and lined with berry bushes, I come to the entrance of the nature center near the preserves front gate. I have walked this way on many days sharing my fears, failures, and hopes with the One who loves all of us. On one fog-filled winter day, though, I noticed something different. There, to my right, almost hidden by the undergrowth, was a sign with this message: Take only memories, leave only footprints. The weathered old sign had probably stood as a sentry, greeting the wilderness visitors for years, reminding folks like me to tread lightly in this beautiful place. On that morning, though, it would also suggest something different to me.

I hadnt taken this morning walk in a few days; I had been gone, working with survivors of a tragedy in another city. I had them on my mind when I saw the motto, and a thought occurred to me: Those inscribed words also could be applied to another kind of wilderness we all face in lifethe wilderness experience of loss. Perhaps the Creator of both nature and humanity means for us to approach our grief recovery just that way: Take only memories. Leave only footprints.

We always leave something of ourselves after a loss, dont we? Some leave their joy, never believing theyll laugh again. Others vow to leave their heart with the person who has forever gone. Still others leave their desire to live. And some, when they can no longer take the pain, leave their very lives. And whatever we take is rarely what is going to help us through our crisis.

Regardless of the type of loss you have experiencedbe it death, divorce, separation, illness, professional setbacks, betrayal of trust or friendshipany loss produces grief. Any loss is some form of death, an ending which changes everything, and we deal with loss in many ways, using healthy and unhealthy means to process it. Some people simply medicate themselves, hoping to survive the pain until it goes away. Others attempt to ignore itworking harder, praying longer, and doing more worthy deeds. Others, overwhelmed with the flood of aching emotions, find self-destructive answersalcohol, prescribed and illicit drugs, unhealthy attachments, or even promiscuity. These solutions only provide temporary relief, though, not a clear path through grief. I have counseled thousands of people through this journeyin living rooms and at national disaster sitesand have seen all kinds of resolutions to loss. And far too often, I see people defeated by the loss, losing their way, never moving into life again.

But thats not you.

You have picked up this workbook because you have had a loss thrust upon you, and now you want to help yourself handle it. You may be feeling a flood of things or nothing at all, but I have no doubt that you feel you have been left at the entrance to your own personal wildernessand you are lost. And yet here is the good news: You are already looking for signposts to help you find your way through grief s wilderness.