Sari Solden - Women With Attention Deficit Disorder: Embrace Your Differences and Transform Your Life

WOMEN WITH ATTENTION

DEFICIT DISORDER

Embrace Your Differences

And Transform Your Life

Newly revised 10th Anniversary Edition!

by Sari Solden MS, LMFT

Introduction by

Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo

Forewords by

Edward T. Hallowell, M.D.

and John J. Ratey, M.D.

Underwood Books

Nevada City, California

Women with Attention Deficit Disorder

ISBN-13: 978-0-9785-9091-8

Copyright 2005 by Sari Solden

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without explicit permission from the author or the authors agent, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages.

Contact Sari Solden at
P.O. Box 3320, Ann Arbor, Michigan 48106
or at

Published in eBook format by Introspect Press.

Converted by http://www.eBookIt.com .

The ideas in this book are based on the authors personal experience with ADD, and as such are not to be considered medical advice. This book is not intended as a substitute for psychotherapy or the medical treatment of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and the various medications described herein can only be prescribed by a physician. The reader should consult a qualified health care professional in matters relating to health and particularly with respect to any symptoms which may require diagnosis or medical attention.

Cover illustration is a detail from the painting Hera by Francis Picabia, 1928, Collection Gaston Kahn, Paris.

I dedicate this book with gratitude and love to my husband, Dean, who ventures boldly each day into the eye of the hurricane, where together we find calm and peace in the center of the storm.

A Note to the Reader

I wanted to write this book... because it became clear to me through my work as a therapist that there are many women who have been struggling with serious unexplained and often mysterious difficulties their entire lives. These women are leading lives filled with secrecy, shame, and a quiet desperation, unable to describe their difficulties to close friends, family or even mental health professionals in a way that could lead to self-understanding. Many of these women have been going through life confused and foggy, unable to access their considerable strengths. They experience their lives as a continuous treadmill, and express feelings of being trapped, unable to make sense of their lives.

I wrote this book because Ive watched these women cross a line at some point and see their lives begin to shift. I want to let other women know that Ive seen women with these kinds of difficulties learn how to move ahead and begin to take back their lives.

I know that other women can also embark on this same emotional journey, learning to embrace their lives in a new and powerful way.

I NTRODUCTORY S ECTION

Sari Solden opened up the field of women who have ADD almost single-handedly when the first version of this book appeared a decade ago. I remember how enthusiastic I was to read it back then, and I am equally enthusiastic to read this new, updated version.

Women with ADD had an immediate impact upon the many readers who were eager to know about the particulars of female life with ADD. Saris book filled a large void and it did so beautifully. Before Women with ADD , many people thought that no woman could have ADD. The many who did were misdiagnosed as depressed, anxious, or just ditsy. I have had the pleasure of treating many women, and seeing their lives change dramatically for the better, who came to see me because they had read Women with ADD .

What I love about Saris approach is that it is personal, humble, funny, and real. She avoids the stilted prose one so often reads in dry journals and instead provides warm and supple words, words that capture the spirit of ADD from a womans perspective and offer positive and practical approaches to making life better.

I am always skeptical about the women vs. men dichotomy. After all, we are each human, more alike than not alike, and it can be misleading to suggest that women lead an entirely different life from men. And yet, in some ways, they do. Sari captures the unique female experience without overly generalizing the separation between men and women with ADD.

I love her humor, her sensitivity, and her warmth as she details the trials and tribulations in life with ADD, as well as how she celebrates the potential triumphs of this interesting kind of mind. Sari knows from firsthand experience how embarrassing and difficult ADD can make life, but she also knows from personal experience what an advantage ADD can be if it is managed properly. She captures the fun, the pizzazz, as well as the fizzle and disappointments. But above all she captures the reality of the experience of being a woman who has ADD.

What is it like to be embarrassed to look into your pocketbook for fear of others seeing what a mess it is inside? What is it like to feel so ashamed of your living room that you dont invite people over? What is it like to feel stupid even if you know you are smart? What is it like to worry that you cant be a good enough mother because you have ADD? What is it like to get distracted at just the wrong moment... like in the middle of making a presentation, or when trying to remember an important number, or even in the middle of making love? Sari will tell you about all this and much, much more.

It is wonderful to see this classic book in its new incarnation. I trust it will help as many thousands of readers as the first book did.

Edward Hallowell, M.D.

Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D. is a child and adult psychiatrist and the founder of The Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury, MA. He was a member of the faculty of the Harvard Medical School from 1983 to 2004.

A graduate of Harvard College and the Tulane School of Medicine, Dr. Hallowell is an expert at offering practical ways to approach some of lifes most difficult challenges. He is the co-author of the national best sellers, Driven to Distraction (Pantheon, 1994) and Answers to Distraction (Pantheon, 1995) and Delivered from Distraction (Ballantine Books 2005), all of which discuss attention deficit disorder in children and in adults.

Current developments in cognitive science are enabling researchers to uncover the many secrets of the brain. Techniques such as neuro-imaging allow us to observe, measure, and analyze brain activity as it occurs, leading us closer and closer to an understanding of the brains tremendous complexity. For many individuals, however, the excitement of this progress is accompanied by the threat that ultimately everything will be defined in terms of matter, and the more ethereal category of the human spirit will no longer by acceptable.

Most recently, neurological discoveries have been complemented by advances in genetics. Yet this advancement is met with resistance as well as by those who oppose the idea that we may be controlled by the past or defined in any way by our genetic destiny. To many, this idea seems to invalidate the core of our very existence, namely, the quest to achieve our own individuality. If even our most subtle characteristics were determined by our genetic history, this achievement would be impossible. What we are beginning to learn, however, is that genetic guidance is exceedingly sensitive to the environment. In fact, neuroscientists, along with others who are delving into the mysteries of human consciousness, emphasize that individuality is apparent throughout the brain. This variation is, for the most part, due to each individuals unique experience of the world. We are learning that everything counts, that everything we experience impacts brain development. While the brain remains susceptible to environmental influences throughout life, the greatest impact occurs in utero, during the first stages of existence.