Valerie Harris - From Molested to Majestic

The Beginning

I was born in Huntsville, Alabama, and I am the second child of three children born to my mother and father. My sisters and I grew up in absolute poverty. I remember walking to various places as a result of my parents not having transportation. My father seldom stayed employed due to his struggle with alcoholism. He was an authentic product of both his mother and fathers generational irresponsibility. Though he made life unstable, unsecure, and unsure for us, the accountability was not solely his but the lineage he was derived from. After all, he was only a pattern of the generation before him.

Now, my mother always taught both my sisters and I to pray and to try to live a life that was pleasing unto the Lord. Consequently, we were taken from her parental custody and placed in a foster home on account of our quality of life at the time. My mother was in the process of divorcing my father in order for the courts to release us back in her custody, and this process took about a year and a half. While in the foster home, a seventeen-year-old foster minor took an inappropriate interest in me. He would come into my room late nights to wake me and then proceed to take me into the bathroom to have intercourse with me. I was only seven years of age, unprepared, unequipped, and unknowledgeable for what would come after this.

Finally, when my mother regained custody of her three children after divorcing my dad, I was so elatedbelieving that this phase of my life was finally over, but it was only the beginning. Painfully, this sexual abuse kept happening to me somehow. No matter where I went, no matter where I lived, I found myself always being the victim of a repetitive cycle of sexual abuse. It then happened by a relative who was also a teenage boy of seventeen years of age, and it happened more than once as well as the first incident. At this time, I was eight and trapped again. I remember going to school depressed, wishing that someone could sympathize with my situation. I was afraid to mention this to anyone, though there were signs that something was happening, but no one was able to detect it or asked, Is everything okay? After both encounters with both teenage boys, there was blood in my underwear. Now when I was in foster care, my foster mother thought I was starting my menstrual cycle, and my biological mother, when in her care, took me to see a doctor, and he only prescribed cream. Years later, I thought that was oddly strange that a doctor who performed an examination could not discern something inappropriate was going on! This continued to happen throughout my life, but I have decided not to share the third abuser.

My Teenage Years

Truthfully, I was a very odd teenager! Even my friends were strange. I would choose to have conversation with individuals whom not everyone would commune with. I would find myself, in some way, wanting them to know that they were special and valuable. I was also very witty. I would be in my classes imitating ministers in my church and how they preached and prayed.

I truly enjoyed it, but it got me in trouble in the classroom setting, as I recall one of my teachers saying to me, Get out and go to the principals office.

As I started dating, keep in mind that I lost my virginity at seven years of age; I had mixed feeling about sex. On one hand, I thought that it was the most painful thing to engage in, but there was also a curiosity of what it really was like with someone special. When I turned eighteen, I was dating a young man whom I thought the world of at that time. He was very poetic like myself. We would have deep dialogues about life, marriage, and success. We would share poems with one another that we thought were profound masterpieces. Honestly, we lived in a fictitious world. We were dreamers with no real sense of reality, just imagination.

On the day of my eighteenth birthday, I told my mother not to wait up for me that night because I was going to spend the night with one of my friends. When realistically, I was going to celebrate my birthday with my poetic boyfriend. Prior to this day, for about three days, I debated whether or not I would have sex with him on my birthday. This debate was so strong in my spirit. I loved him but feared I would become pregnant. I said to myself, With my luck, I will do it and get pregnant .

My oldest sister already had her first child, and my youngest sister was pregnant with her first child, and I didnt think I was ready for that chapter of life. Unknowingly at the time, I didnt realize that this was God troubling my spirit because I was getting ready to embark upon a new chapter in my life. The chapter of salvation! Glory to God! I didnt do it!

Later some time, I saw my boyfriends face on the news for killing someone. This case had not been solved for about a year because no witnesses would come forth. As you could imagine, I was horrified, dumbfounded, at a loss for words, confused, and shocked all at the same time. I was thinking, Here is a young man whom I had talked about marriage with, and he has killed someone! I instantly thought, My boyfriend is a murderer .

The day he was able to call me was an awkward and uneasy conversation. Even though he disclosed to me the details of what happened, I decided not to continue a relationship with him.

After such devastating news, I was in a very low place in my spirit. I felt as if my world had collapsed, and the person who was meant for me was no longer part of me. So, while coming from my oldest sisters apartment, one day, I told God that I was giving him my life because it had been filled with such pain, disappointment, and emptiness so often. I said that to God, not knowing that it was the time of salvation for me. God was using this situation as a vehicle to drive me into his presence at an appointed time. Not only that but also God was saving me from that life he never intended on me having with this young man, and as a result of that, God exposed what was going on in secret that I could not see to give me direction for where I was going in him. The next week, I found myself praying and reading the Word, and the profanity that always filled my mouth was no longer a part of my vocabulary. I began to wonder what was really happening with me!

The Process

A s I was growing closer to the Lord, my mind was being attacked by the enemy.

The devil often reminded me, If God love you so much, why did he let three persons sexually abuse you when you were a child?

I want to take the time right here at this moment and teach you a fact regarding your adversary. It is important that you understand that the enemy will always try to destroy what God has placed inside of you. He wants to snatch your destiny. He doesnt wait until you are mature enough to handle it. Hes an intruder.

Now, before I explain how God dealt with this reoccurring issue that was becoming magnified in my thoughts, lets look at the life of Joseph in the book of Genesis. He was the son of Israel. We discover that his beginning wasnt so glorious either. But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably (Gen. 37:4 NKJ). Understand that the enemy hates you because of what God has created you to do. If the devil cannot kill you, he will try to destroy you. And if he is unable to destroy you, he will try to steal your purpose in God.

When we examine Genesis 37:2027, we see how the devil plotted to kill Joseph, but God prevented them from taking his life by allowing Rueben to speak up and delivered Joseph from his brothers hand:

Come therefore, let us now kill him and cast him into some pit; and we shall say, Some wild beast has devoured him. We shall see what will become of his dreams. But Rueben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands, and said, Let us not kill him. And Rueben said to them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit which is in the wilderness, and do not lay a hand on himthat he might deliver him out of their hands, and bring him back to his father. So it came to pass, when Joseph had come to his brothers, that they stripped Joseph of his tunic, the tunic of many colors that was on him. Then they took him and cast him into a pit. And the pit was empty; there was no water in it. And they sat down to eat a meal. Then they lifted their eyes and looked and there was a company of Ishmaelites, bearing spices, balm, and myrrh, on their way to carry them down to Egypt. So Judah said to his brother, What profit is there if we kill our brother and conceal his blood. Come and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brothers listened.