Michelle Andrea Williams - Finding My Damascus

FINDING MY DAMASCUS

Michelle Andrea Williams

FINDING MY DAMASCUS

Copyright 2017 Michelle Andrea Williams

Editor: Caroline Anschutz

Cover Design by Michelle Andrea Williams

with Lynn Eggleton

Cover Photo: Photographer - James Smith

Location Cuyahoga Valley National Park

pixabay.com/en/users/jameslee-158922/

Printed in the United States of America

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without prior written permission.

Some names and identifiers have been removed to protect individual privacy.

ISBN-13: 978-0999170212

To my God, Creator, Teacher, Healer, Friend, and Savior

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1The Rabbit Hole

Chapter 2Crying Out

Chapter 3The Dance

Chapter 4Surrender

Chapter 5Road Map

Chapter 6Covenant

Chapter 7First Meeting

Chapter 9Do You Believe?

Chapter 10The Knitting

Chapter 11Engagement

Chapter 12Wedding Dress

Chapter 13The Big Day

Acknowledgments

Reference

Appendix

Resources

About the Author

Damascus is a city in Syria, an ancient place appearing over fifty times in the Bible. The Bible chronicles Damascus as a way of identifying places, people, and events - war during the time of King David, a direction in the Song of Songs, and prophecies spoken against the city in Isaiah. God used this city in many ways throughout the centuries, but what Damascus is for me is a place of dramatic change.

Saul was a learned scholar who studied the Law and was well versed in what God expected of himknowledge and adherence. Others went against the Law, and Saul considered them enemies of the way of life he vowed to protect. He believed the followers of Jesus were blasphemers and should be dealt with according to the Law he knew so well.

Damascus was a place in which Saul of Tarsus headed to arrest Christian men and women. Damascus was to extend Sauls reach outside Jerusalem to bring these followers of Jesus of Nazareth under control. Damascus was a mission on behalf of the authority given to Saul by the Temple. Saul had so many expectations of what would happen when he arrived. God had different plans for Damascus and for Saul.

Sauls vision of God changed after the encounter on the Road to Damascus. His transformation during the three days of blindness, fasting and isolation revealed a new-born creature, a beloved child, and a believer in the Messiah. Damascus became the place God used to get Sauls undivided attention, a place in which a healing would occur, and where believers came to help.

Damascus was ground zero for Saul to become Paul, a new person, a reborn believer, and a profoundly changed man. Damascus was not just the place of conversion, or of healing and baptism, it was the training ground for the journey to begin. Paul spent time with other Christians, preached in the Temple for the first time, and experienced condemnation for his beliefs. All he experienced in Damascus would show him the life God was leading him to liveas a follower of Jesus Christ.

The following chapters offer stories of my life before, and the first several years after I became a Christian. Each story has a lesson for what God was preparing me fora great and demanding journey. It was my training ground, a place in which I needed to re-learn, examine, and contemplate my life and my choices.

God brought me to a place of self-evaluation, and it was a struggle. Change is hard and difficultI still go through massive and profound changes. Life would get no better by me doing the same things over again. God knew this and lead me to seek change, healing, and growth.

Although these lessons happened between 2010 and 2012, each remains fresh because I wrote in a journal about each one. Writing down my thoughts and feelings was great therapy and helped sort out many issues. After two years of writing, I filled three complete journals. I look back to understand the Michelle I used to be and the Michelle I have become the one God designed.

The changes I underwent helped prepare me for the most difficult journey of my lifeto be who God created me to be and to be a believer and follower of Jesus Christ.

STUDY GUIDE

Each chapter holds a study guide. A journal to log your thoughts and discoveries may be useful. I pray God will lead you through each question to find more of Him, of His Son, and fill you with the Holy Spirit to understand more of who He created you to be His.

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

Ezekiel 36:25-27

FINDING MY DAMASCUS

THE RABBIT HOLE

PAULS LESSON:

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

Romans 7:24

The story of Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, in its 1972 movie adaptation, Alices Adventures in Wonderland, freaked me out. The story, the characters, that Cheshire Cat and his creepy shadow smile, the chaos, all gave me great anxiety, but it was Alice who troubled me the most.

From where I sat on my couch at age seven, legs tucked under, and eating an apple, Wonderland was not a wonderful place. It was a land full of insanity and confusionwhere havoc wreaked. Everyone around Alice was nuts. They knew it but didnt care. Even the Cheshire Cat said, Everyone in Wonderland is mad, otherwise they wouldnt be down here.

Were Alices decisions born out of the lunacy and the unpredictable world into which she had fallen? Eat this, drink that, grow tall, shrink small. She never knew what would happen next. Was Alices fate in the hands of others who were untrustworthy, always changing, and selfish? Did she have any control at all? She was the one who had fallen down the rabbit holethe long dark tunnel, falling, falling until she hit bottom into the insanity.

The summer before my sophomore year in high school, I went on a two-week vacation with extended family. I knew the relatives my entire life, but spent little time with them without my parents. One of the male relatives sexually molested me over this two-week period. It was subtle at first, a touch here, a brush there, which could have seemed innocent. Then it built up to a clear, repulsive violation. I ripped apart at the seams. My safety, security, and sanitygone.

I reported it to my family and was on a flight home the next day. A round of Im sorry that happened and What do you need? but then nothing. No charges filed, no counseling, not much talking after the eventsilence. Like it never happened, but it did.

My actions and decisions became foreign, haphazard, and compulsive. I headed away from the safety of my home looking for situations that were unhealthy and dangerous. I became a victim again and again. Each encounter painted the undeserving, worthless self-image I framed.

Feelings of anguish and filth prompted me to bathe often to rid the dirtiness enveloping me. At midnight, 3 a.m., 2 oclock in the afternoon, looking for a way to wash it all away and disappear. It didnt work. Clear signs of trauma, but no one noticed. This lasted the rest of the summer.