Daphne Scott - Waking up a Leader: Five Relationships of Success

Let me tell you a story about an ambitious thirty - year - old physical therapist. Well call her Daphne, because thats her name. After receiving a degree in physical therapy, Daphne started treating patients and found she was quite skilled. Soon she earned a promotion and took on a leadership position at the company where she worked. At the same time that she was leading teams and treating patients, Daphne decided to pursue clinical research, which meant writing and publishing papers. She continued to climb the corporate ladder, becoming regional manager, then director of leadership development, then director of clinical outcomes, at which point she had three clinics reporting to her.

Yet, somehow, it wasnt quite enough. Daphne was still aspiring and decided it was time to get a doctorate of science in physical therapy, as well as two certifications in executive coaching. She also began pursuing her own leadership development business, supporting other leaders through coaching and speaking engagements, outside her full - time job. By then, Daphne was a fellow in the American Academy of Orthopedic Manual Physical Therapists, a board - certified orthopedic specialist, and a partner in her company. She was making more money than she ever thought possible.

And she was miserable.

Okay, I was miserable. For over ten years, I had worked and studied and sacrificed. I had achieved a high level of professional success, but my relationship with my partner started eroding, I hadnt seen my family or friends with any regularity, and all of my plants were dead. I had gained fifteen pounds, and I woke up every two hours each night with anxiety and mild panic attacks. I was stressed out, I couldnt relax, and I didnt know what to do.

As a healthcare professional, I knew that medicating myself to sleep wasnt the answer, but I didnt know what the answer was. In a last - ditch effort, I googled how to manage stress and stumbled upon a meditation website. I was a little skeptical that sitting and doing nothing could take away my stress, but I was desperate, so I decided to give it a try. I took a six - week introductory meditation class at a Buddhist center in Chicago, then practiced haphazardly for the next eighteen months.

Through meditation and learning some necessary leadership skills, I slowly realized a truth that changed my personal and professional life. It was that my stress and anxiety hadnt resulted purely from situations, circumstances, or people, but from the way I was relating to those things. In other words, the problem wasnt something outside methe problem was within me.

The good news was this: if the problem stemmed from something inside me, then so did the solution. Over the next year, I continued waking up to a new way of thinking and relating that resulted in more peace, joy, and well - being , and I started coaching my clients to do the same.

There was just one problem: I also stayed in the career that had brought me more stress than joy and had led me to hit rock bottom.

I knew I didnt want that life. I knew I needed to make a change. But I was terrified. My work was my identity. Who would I be without my title and position? How would I ever make as much money somewhere else?

At the root was fear of the unknown. I chose the familiar and yet miserable because I didnt know what would happen if I walked into my bosss office and quit. Ultimately, integrity forced me to take a chance. I couldnt stand that I was coaching people to live their best lives and explore what was possible when I wasnt doing it myself.

So, I quit my corporate job and started my own business. I also left my relationship. My new life wasnt immediately filled with rainbows and unicorns. I created a big mess and disappointed a lot of people, but it was something I had to do. In the end, it was totally worth it.

Does my story of misery and stress sound familiar? Are you working too many hours, neglecting friends, and sacrificing your health in the name of professional success? If so, youre not alone. Many organizational leaders share this experience, even multimillionaires like Arianna Huffington, who passed out from sheer exhaustion, hit her face on her desk, and woke up in a pool of her own blood.

As I discovered, the solution is first found within. As leaders, we spend a lot of time and energy trying to control our external world. We talk about being productive, we buy eighty planners and fifty calendars, we might even attend meditation retreats or spend weekends away in the woodsand then wonder why these things dont make us more productive or, at minimum, less stressed. Its like weeding a garden: if we only pull off the tops, the weeds quickly grow back. To effect real change, we need to get to the rootour inner life. External actions will follow, and they will be much more effective. That time in the woods or using a planner will have the desired end.

At the same time, however, leaders do need to consciously learn transactional skills to effectively lead and manage others. This is the yes and of leadership: we must transform the internal without ignoring the external. We need both.

Most leadership books focus solely on the transactional skills involved in managing: planning projects, organizing schedules, forecasting budgets, and so on. Some focus on transformational skills to help leaders renew their vision and better themselves. Few leadership books, however, cover both planes: transforming the way leaders see the world, their businesses, and themselves, while simultaneously helping them transact skillfully in the workplace. This is one of those books.

Through my own inner growth and experience coaching clients, I came to see that we all have five key relationships that require our attention if we want to thrive:

1. Time
2. Money
3. The self
4. Friendships
5. The unknown

How we manage these relationships dictates our well - being . In this book, well explore how you can maximize your full potential through each relationship. Youll learn the transformational (internal) and transactional (external) leadership skills that will help you become a more effective leader. Youll discover new ways to use thought, feeling, and mindful attention to become more comfortable within yourself and in the world around you.

When life isnt going our way, our default as humans is to blame the external worldthe things happening outside us. This book will challenge you to look inside for the source of your present unhappiness, frustration, stress, or dissatisfaction. Doing so will take work. Internal change isnt a quick fix. But if you approach this book as a guide with a sense of vulnerability and willingness to be truthful about whats causing your discontent, youll reap the rewards personally and professionally.

I have lived and tested these concepts as a formerly stressed - out , miserable leader who found a way to bridge the internal and external with a deep sense of peace, calm, and self - worth . I worked in corporate America for twenty years, leading teams and managing people. For the past fifteen years, I have coached others through the concepts I describe here. However, this book is grounded not only in my own experience but also in research and real - world examples of these transformational and transactional skills in action.