Amy Jen Su - The Leader You Want to Be: Five Essential Principles for Bringing Out Your Best Self—Every Day

Leader A is the CEO of a thriving company. He has a big, ambitious vision and feels motivated to make a difference in his industry. Having just secured additional funding, hes excited by the growth potential of his organization. Today, Leader A has just come out of a meeting with a candidate for one of the most important positions he needs to fill on his leadership team. Hes totally fired up from telling the story of the organization and sharing his vision for where the business will be in five years. After months of screening candidates, he feels like he might have finally found the right person. He gets home still feeling energized and enthusiastic. Hes fully present at dinner with his family, and then after the kids are in bed, he gets back online for a productive hour that gives him a jump on the next day.

Leader B is also the CEO of a thriving company. He too has vision, ambition, and the motivation to make a difference in his industry. Today Leader B has just come out of a long day of back-to-back meetings. Despite all the time he put in, he feels totally frustrated by how little he accomplished. In one meeting he got lost in the details, gave a knee-jerk reaction, and created an unnecessary fire drill for his team. At home, rather than listening to his wife and kids during dinner, he feels irritated and distracted by the urge to get back on his computer. A couple of times he checks email on his cell phone, and immediately after dinner, he goes to his home office. After a few hours of work during which he feels like hes spinning his wheels, he collapses into bed, where he finds it difficult to fall asleep.

While it might be tempting to applaud Leader A and disapprove of Leader B, the reality is Leader A and Leader B are the same person.

Leader A and Leader B are representative of all of us. Weve all had Leader A days when we felt especially effective, present, and satisfied with a job well done. When were in Leader A mode, our energy and enthusiasm run high. We feel like were making a difference, adding value, and having a positive impact. Our work feels meaningful, as if were working not just to hit an external target but to fulfill a deep sense of purpose. Even if some days are jam-packed, they are, as one leader recently described it to me, good-busy days.

On the other hand, were all familiar with Leader B mode. When Leader B has taken over, we may feel rushed, reactive, overwhelmed, or exhaustedor all of the above. We may feel like were having little or no impact, or that no matter how much effort we expend, were not moving the needle. Leader B days can be especially hard if you dont feel connected to other people or if you find yourself in conflict-heavy interactions. Another sign that weve slipped into Leader B mode is that were more agitated, on edge, or irritable at home. All too often, its our loved ones who are negatively affected when we take our work stress home.

For the last two decades, Ive been an executive coach working right alongside leaders and professionals in a wide variety of industries, roles, and stages of career. While my clients work for companies of different sizes and stages of growth, the one commonality among them all is that our coaching sessions are composed of some combination of celebrating Leader A successes and problem-solving for Leader B challenges. I know this dynamic welllike many of the folks I work with, Im a full-time working parent as well as a leader of a growing firm. Im walking the same tightrope, wanting to make a difference and achieve big goals while managing the inevitable stress and accountabilities of todays leadership demands.

While leadership will always involve some combination of Leader A and Leader B, over the past twenty years Ive observed an escalation of conditions that increase the likelihood of Leader B mode. Were living in a time of rapid change, when a frenetic pace and an overfull plate are the normand sometimes even the ideal. Explicitly or implicitly, were encouraged to work harder and faster and to put in more hoursall while technology and industry disruption are evolving more quickly than ever. Its no wonder that much of how business is conducted today has created a rising trend of Leader B days. Here are some of the most common challenges I hear: