Alice Fryling - Seeking God Together: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction

I was introduced to spiritual direction well into my adult life. I had been involved in Christian ministry for decades. When I heard about spiritual direction, I felt as if I was seeing an old friend I had never met. Spiritual direction (this new but old friend) led me deeper into the love of God. Spiritual direction helped me experience more intimately the God of love. And spiritual direction equipped me to be in relationship with others where I could love as I was loved.

This book grows out of my own experience in both receiving and offering spiritual direction. My enthusiasm for what spiritual direction gives individuals and the people of Gods church continues to grow. As I have watched people awaken to Gods love in new and deeper ways, I have become more and more convinced that spiritual direction is an ancient tool which the church will continue to use for years to come.

But when I explored the possibilities for the ministry of spiritual direction within the church, I noticed two problems. First, sometimes individuals want to meet with a spiritual director and cannot find one. Second, for some people the step into personal spiritual direction is too big. The intimacy of meeting with one other person in a spiritual direction relationship may intimidate some who are unfamiliar with the practice. Discovering the richness of spiritual direction in small groups may be a good way for people to begin, as small groups are often a more familiar experience for many Christians. And of course, in small groups spiritual direction becomes more accessible to more people.

This book is designed to help people who are new to spiritual direction begin to understand how this ministry might work out with small groups of people. It is also designed for those who would like to start a ministry of spiritual direction in their church, as well as for individuals who desire to form a small group for spiritual direction on their own. I begin by describing and defining spiritual direction and then give practical help for those who want to facilitate or participate in group spiritual direction. I describe holy listening and suggest skills to help us listen more lovingly and attentively. In addition, we will look at some of the topics likely to be discussed in the spiritual direction encounter, specifically prayer, the Bible, temperament, sin and discernment. I also include practical helps for people leading spiritual direction groups.

The purpose of group spiritual direction is to provide a place where individuals can experience what it means to be listened to and loved by others, so that they can learn to listen more attentively to God in their daily lives and be used by God to spread Gods grace and love throughout the world. God is using this ancient tool in life-giving ways in the twenty-first century. It is a privilege to participate in this experience.

I was very nervous the first time I went for spiritual direction. I had never done anything like this before. I wasnt even sure I knew what spiritual direction was. And Id never met Ed, the spiritual director I found through a brochure someone gave me. We arranged to meet at a historic church near the campus of the University of Wisconsin. As I walked up the steps, I wondered how I had gotten myself into this.

Ed met me in the hallway of the church. We went into a large, Tudor-style parlor and sat in two wingback chairs. I thought, This is like a scene from a novel. Ed looked more like a college professor than the retired minister that he was. He even had a briefcase; he opened it and took out a doily and a small candle. This seems very Roman Catholic. What if I dont know what to do? As Ed lit the candle, he said This is to remind us that we arent alone. Good thing. I guess he means that God is here with us.

Then Ed introduced himself to me and asked me a few questions about myself. He read from the book of Isaiah: Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. Maybe this wont be so bad after all. Ed said he liked that passage. I said I did too. Then he asked me a question about my relationship with God. I dont remember the question or my answer. What I do remember is that when I had finished what I wanted to say, Ed just sat there, waiting and listening for more. This is different, I thought. People dont usually wait for me like that. They usually just talk more. But Ed waited and looked at me. What I am supposed to do now?

We sat in the quiet for several minutes. I wonder if Jesus looked at people the way Ed is looking at me. I dont remember who broke the silence, or what we said, but I do know that after every question Ed asked me, he waited. And waited. When I left that first spiritual direction session, I felt a deeper peace than I had experienced for a long, long time. Perhaps, I thought, we really werent alone in that room. God was indeed with us.

I went home to the more familiar experiences of my life, to my own stresses and anxieties, and I realized that God was still with me. Before my meeting with Ed (and the Spirit of God), I certainly knew that God was with me. I knew that God had made me and sustained me. I knew that God promised peace. I knew all of that. But I had forgotten. I was like Jacob in the Old Testament. His life was full of very stressful circumstances. One night he had a dream where he met with God. When he woke up, he said, Surely the LORD is in this placeand I did not know it (Genesis 28:16). Thats what my first spiritual direction session did for me. It reminded me that God was in my life. I had not been aware.