David Dillard-Wright - A Mindful Evening: Complete each day with a calm mind and open heart

We have a pernicious tendency to judge ourselves at the close of day. Nagging questions linger, perhaps on the drive home, while sitting at dinner, or lying down to sleep at night. Did I accomplish enough today? Did I pay the bills? Was I good enough as a partner or employee or parent? This analysis has the potential to spiral out of control, to become fodder for insomnia, to lead to chronic stress. The little annoyances of daily life can be magnified out of proportion, making Mount Rushmores out of molehills. Notice that if we have been engaged in work, the activities likely to be labeled as productive by our society, we have a tendency to criticize ourselves in the opposite direction. So we might ask questions related to self-care, like, Did I eat well enough today? Did I do my meditation? Did I start writing my novel? So there is a Catch-22 of self-regulating thought. We can criticize ourselves for being too worldly or too spiritual, for being too obsessed with success or for not being successful enough. We need to develop techniques of self-inquiry that do not become a sort of torture session where we castigate ourselves for everything that we did not accomplish over the previous day.

One beneficial practice is to have boundary rituals where we mark the transition from one phase of the day to another. I remember the old Mister Rogers Neighborhood episodes, where that smiling 1960s gentleman would change out of his work blazer and into his play cardigan, out of his work shoes and into his sneakers. Mr. Rogers was getting ready for his imagination time. I dont have the same extensive library of cardigan sweaters as Mr. Rogers, but I usually do take off my shoes and at least change shirts when I come home from work. Sleep experts usually recommend keeping electronic devices out of the bed and having a buffer between screen time and sleep time. I confess that I am not as good about that, and I tend to read a good bit before sleep. I do notice that sometimes the stimulation of the Internet or streamed programming makes for less sleep. In some cases, the screen time may be worthwhile, and at other times it may just be killing time that could be better spent asleep.

In an ideal world, we would all do some chanting and/or meditation each night, but it can be difficult to work into a hectic routine. Dinner has to be made and the dishes cleaned. Even ordering take-out requires a modicum of effort and cleanup. Animals, whether dogs, cats, parakeets, or boa constrictors, must be fed and watered. Families with children must make sure the homework is done and that the kids are fed and bathed. The laundry takes a good bit of daily effort. Oftentimes, adults have homework as well, maybe a report to be read or written, maybe a writing project. Finally, after all of that is done, it is quite understandable that most people just want to relax by watching a movie or television program.