Gary Thomas - Sacred Marriage Bible Study Participants Guide: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

Books by Gary Thomas

Authentic Faith

Devotions for a Sacred Marriage

Devotions for Sacred Parenting

The Glorious Pursuit

Holy Available

Not the End but the Road

Sacred Influence

Sacred Marriage

Sacred Parenting

Sacred Pathways

Seeking the Face of God

ZONDERVAN

Sacred Marriage Participants Guide

Copyright 2009 by Gary L. Thomas

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

ePub Edition July 2015: ISBN 978-0-310-88067-7

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Interior design by Christine Orejuela-Winkelman

CONTENTS

In one of the sessions in this study, youll hear me recount a time when my wife and I began a vacation with radically different agendas. Neither one of us was very happy with the resulting compromise; I didnt get near the amount of rest and recovery I was hoping for, and Lisa didnt get to see half the places she wanted to see, but you know what?

Maybe Gods agenda wasnt for me to get all the rest I thought I needed, or for my wife to get all the excitement she desired. Maybe God wanted to confront the pride that rules both our hearts; he may well have been far more interested in both of us being shaped into the image of Christ than in having our immediate perceived needs met. Scripture teaches us that our goal should be to do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:3 5).

In this passage Paul tells us that selfishness cant be managed, it needs to be crucified, and that Christlikeness is one of the goals of our journey together. A needs-based approach to marriage will usually spawn resentment, frustration, bitterness, and alienation when we discover the other person cant truly meet our needs as we would like them to. But if were looking for something else in our marriage spiritual growth, a place to learn how to love, an opportunity to have our sin revealed so that it can be confessed, repented of, and discarded then well value even the frustrating aspects of this intense relationship.

Ive found that many couples think they resent each other, when in fact what they really resent is marriage which I believe God specifically designed to pinch our feet. The lifelong relationship between a man and a woman is tailor-made by our Creator to teach us about selflessness, forgiveness, perseverance, humility, and many other necessary virtues. We may not initially get married in pursuit of such character transformation, but when we begin to embrace marriage as the threshold to spiritual growth, many good things will result. Its not until we crucify our pride and take on the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus that we can participate in marriage as God designed it as a human relationship between two sinners in which our Redeemer hopes to fashion two saints.

Its my belief that for too long, the Christian church has adopted a monastic model of spirituality that is all but blind to the powerfully soul-transforming aspects of married and family life. My prayer is that this study will help you view your marriage through an entirely new prism: a way to worship God, your heavenly Father-in-Law (youll learn about that in ), and a path through which he can shape you into a man or woman who more closely resembles Jesus Christ.

Quotations interspersed throughout each session of this participants guide are excerpts from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas (Zondervan, 2000).

God desires that we use the challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations of marriage to draw closer to him and to grow in Christian character.

INTRODUCTION

This DVD study series, based on Gary Thomass bestselling book of the same name, points beyond marriage. It is really about spiritual growth. Marriage is one powerful context in which God shapes us more into the image of Jesus.

Some people see marriage as a romantic fusion of souls and bodies. Others see it as a responsibility or a chore... a commitment to perform a series of duties for another person. Still others see it as their best highway to happiness. In this session we will discover that Gods design for marriage is richer and deeper than any of these perspectives.

Marriage has a sacred purpose. The intimacy and closeness of two married people creates a perfect setting for growth, maturing, and lessons in holiness. If we approach marriage with the right perspective and attitude, it can be one of the most glorious pursuits in all of life. If we come with the wrong outlook, it can quickly deteriorate into a place of pain, frustration, self-centered loneliness, and deep brokenness.

Building a strong marriage is one of the greatest challenges in the world. Yet, when we listen to the wisdom God has to offer, it can be a satisfying and life-changing journey that shapes our souls and connects us with God and each other.

TALK ABOUT IT

Before you walked the aisle and said, I do, what was your perception of married life? How has that perception changed over the years?

DVD TEACHING NOTES

Introduction: To be single or married? That is the question.

The contrast between seeing marriage as a romantic pursuit or a spiritual journey

The cultural development of romantic notions and expectations in marriage

Marriage for the glory of God

A new mind-set: Do I need a new marriage or a new perspective on marriage?

DVD DISCUSSION

1. When a couple is married and live in continual close proximity, the littlest and strangest things can cause irritation and petty frustration. Tell about a time in your marriage when something small or strange happened that stripped away the well-designed faades to expose the real and sinful you.

2. What is one virtue or character quality you realized needed to grow more in your life once you got married?

3. Most of us get very little training to prepare for marriage. When it comes to the spiritual dynamics of marriage, there is often no preparation at all. What do you wish you had learned before taking your vows and beginning your marriage relationship?

If you are afraid to face your sin, dont get married because this relationship will expose your sin like nothing else.

4. Gary suggests that marriage might be meant to make us holy more than happy. Do you agree or disagree, and why?

The state of marriage is one that requires more virtue and constancy than any other... it is a perpetual exercise in mortification.... From this thyme plant, in spite of the bitter nature of its juice, you may be able to draw and make the honey of a holy life.

Francis de Sales

5. Some couples live with a conviction that their marriage relationship is designed to meet their needs, satisfy their hunger for ever-increasing romance, and fill the void they feel in their heart and soul. How do you see this concept being promoted in modern culture? What are some of the possible consequences of viewing marriage this way?