Sondra Ray - The Loving Relationships Treasury

Copyright 2006 by Sondra Ray. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except brief excerpts for review, without the written permission of the publisher.

Celestial Arts an imprint of Ten Speed Press PO Box 7123 Berkeley CA 94707 www.tenspeed.com

Distributed in Australia by Simon and Schuster Australia, in Canada by Ten Speed Press Canada, in New Zealand by Southern Publishers Group, in South Africa by Real Books, and in the United Kingdom and Europe by Publishers Group UK.

The material quoted from A Course in Miracles is used with permission from the publisher: Foundation for Inner Peace, PO Box 598, Mill Valley, California 94942, www.acim.org

For information on The Loving Relationships Training and Rebirthing worldwide:
The New York and Philadelphia Rebirthing Centers
c/o Tony Lo Mastro and Maureen Malone
1027 69th Avenue
Philadelphia, PA 19126
(215) 424-4444 or (212) 534-2969
For more information about Sondra Ray, visit www.SondraRay.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file with the publisher.

eISBN: 978-0-307-80469-3

v3.1

The New Paradigm is the paradigm of joy. It is the unholy relationship made holy, with gratitude and praise being the building blocks to mutual bliss. But the New Paradigm begins with you. You cannot remain stuck in old patterns and habits and expect to create new, healthy relationships.

So lets talk about finding a mate in the New Paradigm. The first key is to be happy with your self before trying to find someone else to be happy with. It is a myth that there is someone out there who will complete you. Only you can complete you. People do not change each other; they only change themselves. Being in a holy relationship will inspire you to be your highest self. Being in an unholy relationship will drive you further away from your highest self, and eventually from each other.

The second key is to pray to God and the Masters to find the right person for you. You can go on my website and do the kahuna prayer I wrote for finding a mate. I have received so much great feedback from people who have had wonderful results. Surrender yourself and your prayer into Gods hands and even if you feel like you are not quite ready, trust me, God will make you ready! It also helps to prepare your living space for a new relationship. One of my friends once said to me, People deserve to live in gentle, loving environments, where aliveness, delight, and joy are the norm. Anything less is an insult to the human spirit. I love this statement. Prepare every room for God and your new mate will feel welcome, too.

The third key is to devote energy to your spiritual path. If your goal is to attract a mate who is ready to handle the New Paradigm, then you both must have an equal commitment. Of course, this begins with you. If your commitment isnt whole hearted, you cannot expect your mate to be fully committed.

Each relationship is, in fact, a spiritual workshop. My favorite definition for a New Paradigm relationship is from Gary Zukovs book, Seat of the Soul. He calls it a Spiritual Partnership in which you are together for the evolution of your souls and you are committed to each others spiritual growth. Another definition I like is this: a holy interpersonal environment for the evolution of two souls who are aware of the deeper reason they are together, who take the time to allow a higher vibration to flow through them, and make equality and wholeness a way of life.

What are the qualities of this New Paradigm relationship?

First and foremost it is continuously transforming. It is about movement and growth as the couple constantly shifts from the old mentality of inferiority versus superiority, to one of equality and balance. The traditional roles of domination and submission cease and true cooperation can exist between people who are consciously breaking old destructive patterns and habits.

Of course, transformation and growth arent possible without clear, honest communication. As men and women find their voices and allow themselves to articulate their feelings, couples are empowered to fearlessly reveal their deepest doubts and most fundamental needs. The ability to communicate is the cornerstone of being able to solve problems, which can be a stumbling block for even the most enlightened couples. Here are some important points about communication in the New Paradigm: Set aside a private time to create a safe time and space with no interruptions. Always use a calm tone of voice and use compassionate phrasing, such as: What I feel is or, What I need is Remember, you can disagree without becoming upset. Just because you disagree doesnt mean youve stopped loving each other. Also, no withholding; no secrets; no silent treatments. Without trust, you have nothing. Do not interrupt each other and truly listen. Dont rehearse your rebuttal while the other person is speaking. Remind yourselves that you are both on the same side. Keep going until there is satisfaction, even if you need to take a break to get there. This may mean letting go of a position, but always be willing to go for the highest spiritual idea, no matter who wins. Know when you are stuck and use spiritual practices to get clear; if necessary, get a third party to help you negotiate fairly. Because men and women are hardwired differently, self realization techniques are the essential software that a couple may use to reenergize their commitment and find their way back to each other and to God.

In closing, it is so important to mention the attitude of gratitude. Some people say I will be grateful when , But this does not work. Be grateful for whatever you have and for whatever is unfolding for you right now even if it is not what you think you wanted. Try telling people this: I am grateful that you exist, and see what happens! Appreciation is one of the highest vibrations and has a truly healing effect.

Love, Sondra Ray

Postscript: Because this book contains excerpted material selected from my previously published books, Loving Relationships, Loving Relationships II, and Creating Sacred Relationships, certain passages and concepts have been repeated.

R elationships are how most people process themselves and help each other along the path of enlightenment. The first, and most important, step is to be clear about your relationship to God. You may need to examine your beliefs in regard to God, since all of us bring a huge amount of conditioning to this prime relationship. Hopefully, you will come to realize, as I have, that you must maintain oneness with God to be grounded in your being. That is because Gods power courses through you, pours energy into your thoughts and desires. And like God you are the creator of your own world.

If you are unaware of this power, and something terrible happens to you or your relationship, you wont take responsibility for it. You may even blame God for your misfortune. Such negative thinking can take hold of us from birth. A negative birth experience can create trauma that lasts a lifetime. That is why it is important to realize that we create our reality. Otherwise, we blame ourselves or our partners for every misstep along the way. If both partners are enlightened, any problem can be resolved.