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YOU ARE GORGEOUS...
you deserve satisfaction and laughter in your life. You deserve pleasure. You deserve love. I can tell you this a thousand times, but you wont believe me until you experience it yourself. You wont believe me until you begin acting as if you already believe it....
Learning about your hunger, tasting a raisin as if it were the first you ever ate, stopping when you are satisfied, its all part of waking up to being alive....
Geneen Roth
By teaching you to trust your body and yourself... to put aside self-judgment... to conquer the obsession with food and dieting, this unique and practical workbook will help you to find out what it is youre really hungering for. From there, breaking free is only a matter of time.
WHY WEIGHT?
G ENEEN R OTH is a writer and a teacher who has gained international prominence through her work in the field of eating disorders. She is the founder of the Breaking Free workshops, which she has conducted nationwide since 1979. She is also the author of Feeding the Hungry Heart, Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, and When Food Is Love. A frequent guest on television and radio programs, she has written for and been featured in Time, Ms., New Woman, Family Circle, and Cosmopolitan. Her poetry and short stories have been published in numerous anthologies. Born in New York City, she now lives in northern California.
Visit geneenroth.com
Other books by Geneen Roth:
F EEDING THE H UNGRY H EART
B REAKING F REE FROM C OMPULSIVE E ATING
PLUME
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
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Copyright 1989 by Geneen Roth
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
Breaking Free is a registered trademark of Geneen Roth, Breaking Free, P.O. Box 2852, Santa Cruz, California 95063
Plume is a registered trademark and its colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Roth, Geneen
Why Weight? : a guide to compulsive eating / Geneen Roth.
p. cm.
ISBN 9780452262546
Compulsive eatingPopular works. I. Title. RC552.C65R67 1989
616.852del9
88-35324
Ebook ISBN 9781440674488
The ideas, procedures, and suggestions contained in this book are not intended as a substitute for consulting with your physician. All matters regarding your health require medical supervision.
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Acknowledgments
Without Sara Friedlander, this book would not have been written. She provided enthusiasm when I had none, ideas when I drew a blank, matzoh balls when I needed food, and unflagging devotion to this project, to my well-being, and to our work together. Sprawled beside me at 8 a.m. or 11 p.m., she edited my writing, drew charts, suggested exercises, and rushed with me to the vet when we thought Blanche had cactus needles caught in his nose. This book is as much Saras as it is mine.
Jace Schinderman provided the structure for the book. She was the first person in the book chain, sending outlines and exercises to me by Federal Express and putting her life on hold as she absorbed my work and became an expert in curing compulsive eating. For eighteen years, she has been there whenever I have needed her, and this time was no exception.
I am deeply grateful to the participants of the Breaking Free workshops who continue to inspire me with their courage and their vulnerability. And to everyone who has written to me since the publication of Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating, telling me their own stories and asking for help. This book is for them, for you.
I would also like to thank: Angela Miller for finding the way out; Nancy Wechsler for her keen mind and sympathetic soul; Maureen Nemeth for her loyalty and competence; Becky Luening for the speed and sensitivity she brings to her work; Judith Lateer for a fine beginning; Jane Mycue and Judith Scott for taking such good care of Blanche and me; and Elaine Koster for making it clear that my writing was worth waiting for.
Finally, I want to thank Matt Weinstein for so much of everything, but, this time in particular, for knowing when to laugh and when to take me seriously, and for teaching me to do the same.
Introduction
I was a compulsive eater for seventeen years. I went on every diet I heard of or read about: the prunes-and-meatball diet, the one-hot-fudge-sundae-a-day diet, the applesauce-and-chicken-wing diet, Stillmans, Atkins, and Weight Watchers. I lost weight on all of themusually I spent three weeks losing ten pounds and four days gaining it back. But gaining the weight back (often with a bonus of two or three pounds) wasnt the worst part. The worst part was how much I suffered through all of it. There were many times when I awoke at three in the morning, sweating and breathless, having dreamed of slicing off pieces of my thighs, my arms, even portions of my face. I felt that mutilating myself would not hurt more than having thunderous thighs, upper arms that flapped, and cheeks that were as round and pasty as a Chinese pork bun.
I stopped dieting nine years ago on a day that I remember well: I took the rusty old postage scales that I had been using to weigh each ounce of food I ate and I threw them into the garbage. I tore up my diet charts and burned them in my bathtub. Then, I told myself I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I was hungry.
I was terrified.
The determination not to diet was the most frightening decision I had ever made. Anyone who has ever believed that if she listened to her hunger she would destroy herself, knows the extent of that pervasive and very real fear.
I stopped dieting because the pain of what I was doing to myself was greater than the fear of being fat for the rest of my life. I stopped dieting because I was suicidalthe struggle with my weight had become a matter of life and death. I planned ways to kill myself: driving over the cliffs on Highway One; swallowing a bottle of Clorox; slitting my wrists on the blue tile floor in the bathroom. I stopped dieting because not one diet worked and I realized that if I wanted to be certain of being fat for the rest of my life, the best way was not to stop dieting.
In time, and by following the guidelines described in this book, my body reached its natural weight. But being thinner is not the best part; the best part is living a life in which I am not obsessed about food. The best part is knowing that the answers are not outside me, in any prescribed diet. The answers are within mein my head, my heart, my stomach. I can listen to myself; I will not destroy myself. When I am hungry, I can eat; when I need comfort, I can ask for it. The power and joy I feel now, compared with the helplessness and utter despair I felt for 17 years, is the best part. And it gets better and better.