Bronte Spicer - Its Okay to Cry

Its Okay to Cry: The Gentle Way to Dissolving Depression

Bronte Spicer, 2021

www.brontespicer.com

Let me be clear. Im not a doctor, psychologist, counsellor, or psychiatrist. Im a woman who dissolved a twenty-year bout of depression. I am a mother of three gorgeous children, and wife to a beautiful man. I am a teacher, author, mindfulness mentor, sacred space holder, intuitive guide and retreat alchemist. As a Certified Kiloby Inquiries Facilitator, I teach others how to befriend their thoughts and feel their feelings using a set of advanced mindfulness techniques called the Kiloby Inquiries.

The information in this book is for educational purposes only and is not intended in any way to be a replacement for, or substitute to qualified medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, or as a replacement for, or substitute to psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment, or therapy from a fully-qualified person.

Should you have medical concerns, please seek independent advice. As you read my story and learn the techniques I used to dissolve my depression, should it raise any concerns for you, please seek advice from a mental health professional or call Lifeline on 131114.

If you think you are suffering from a medical or psychological condition, consult your doctor or other appropriately qualified professional or service immediately.

I am a Kiloby Inquiries Facilitator and not a physician, mental health or addictions counselor. I do not give advice about how to live ones life. I do not employ psychological techniques to improve ones thinking, personal story or belief systems. What I aim to do is assist people in seeing through their identity, not constructing or changing it, as mental health counselors or therapists do.

This book is a memoir and guidebook. It reflects my recollections of experiences over time. Some names and characteristics have been changed, some events have been compressed, and some dialogue has been recreated. As the author and publisher, I hereby exclude all liability to the extent permitted by law for any errors or omissions in this book and for any loss, damage or expense (whether direct or indirect) suffered by a third party relying on any information contained in this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. All permission requests are to be directed to the publisher using the address below.

978-0-6452678-2-2

Book cover design: Ellie Schroeder

Light code art: Debbie Hall

Printed on demand and distributed by IngramSpark

Published by Bronte Spicer

brontespicer@gmail.com

Acknowledgement
Of Country

I want to acknowledge, thank, and hold my love for the Dja Dja Wurrung speaking people of the Kulin Nation for tending to, loving, and caring for this sacred land on which I write. I acknowledge and thank all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders for being the most devoted, connected and dedicated caretakers of this land we call Australia. I offer my deepest condolences to the traditional custodians of this land for the raping of Aboriginal women, separation of families, stolen children, murders, massacres of whole communities, obliteration of sacred sites and atrocious disruptions to the delicate nature of the land since the European settlement in 1788. I trust that as we come together and listen, we can find a new way and live in harmony. With an open heart, I express my deep love for our Earth mother herself. For offering the most abundant medicine, magic and beauty. Thank you for gifting us with your raw elements for us to be nourished, thriving, clear and connected and for holding the space for us to know ourselves as free, peaceful and incredible human beings.

Captivating and relatable. It left me wanting more.
K. Reavley

Vulnerable and powerful.
D. Gale

This is the book the world needs right now.
S. Hardy

I wonder how my life may have been different if I had read
this book as a young woman.
A. Goodfellow

For Jackson, Ivy, and Maggie, may all of your dreams come true.

For Mum, who did everything for me when I thought I couldnt do anything.

For Elizabeth, in loving memory of your daughter Holly.

Contents

Foreword

When we were growing up, neither our parents nor anyone else in the world explained or demonstrated to us how to truly feel our feelings. We cant really blame our parents for this any more than we can blame their parents or their parents. Weve all been doing it, all humans, apparently since at least the dawn of language... and probably before.

We do learn how to think about, analyse or label our emotions. Most of us were involved in an education system that was very focused on teaching us a label or a name for everything in the world, including for every emotion that we might experience. At first glance, this learning of language for emotions may seem like the answer to our emotions. We presume, if we can think about, talk about and even understand what were feeling, surely we can bring about a better feeling or let go of negative feelings. What we come to learn in life as we grow up is something else entirely. Most of us learn that thinking about, analyzing and labeling our feelings really isnt the answer. That may help us at certain moments, just to take the edge off of things, but most of the time when were analyzing or thinking about our feelings, we are actually making them worse.

When were thinking about analyzing or labeling our emotions, our focus is in the mind in our thoughts. When our focus is in our mind almost exclusively, we dont have any attention in our inner body. And yet, our inner body is exactly where we feel all emotions. As Bronte mentions in her book, even if we get to therapy, therapy is quite often focused on encouraging us to talk about our feelings. Anywhere and everywhere we look in the world, we find the same message; feelings are meant to be thought about, not felt. And yet we all know that at a very common sense level, that doesnt make any sense.

We know this but because we are conditioned so strongly to be in our heads about our feelings, this wisdom within us gets buried. When we are not directly feeling our feelings and instead thinking about, labeling or analyzing them, a whole host of issues can occur as a result. One of those issues is depression.

Bronte Spicer does an exceptional job of speaking about depression in a way that anyone could relate to. In this book, Bronte gives you her experience. Shes not just telling you about her pain. Shes giving very direct instructions on how to dissolve depression, the gentle way, as she says.

When I first started putting this work out into the world fifteen years ago, I had no idea how many thousands of lives would be touched by it. And not just touched by it, healed by it. The Kiloby Inquiries are bringing astonishing results to our clients at The Kiloby Center for Recovery and all around the world. The Kiloby Center is the first substance abuse treatment center in the U.S. to focus primarily on mindfulness. Independent research showed of the 76% of clients who reported trauma when they arrived, only 12% reported those symptoms when they left, 70% of clients arrived at the centre with anxiety symptoms and 3% reported those symptoms when they left and 73% of clients reported depression when they arrived while 9% reported those symptoms when they left.