Korrie Jo Vance - Beauty Comes With a Beast: Overcoming an Eating Disorder

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Print ISBN: 978-1-54397-810-0

eBook ISBN: 978-1-54397-811-7

Dedication

I dedicate this book to all of you beautiful people who are battling with, or love someone who is suffering from an eating disorder. This road is hard and scary, and believe me, it is not a straight shot from the pits of this illness to recovery. Instead, I compare it to having twenty necklaces that are all tangled up, and you have to work hard and have patience to struggle through the process of untangling them one by one. Each necklace represents a different time period, situation, fear, etc., but just as it is an amazing relief and feeling when you successfully sort them all out, it is a rewarding and freeing experience when you reach recovery and a happier and healthier you.

I also dedicate this book to my amazing husband, Jermyn, who has loved me at my best and loved me even more at my worst. To my mom and very best friend, Jodie, my amazing big brother, Daniel, my sister-in-law, Crystal, my nephew, Oliver, and niece, Sloan who are the joys of my life. To my incredible therapist, Megan York, and to my dad, my hero, Joe McKinney, who showed me that overcoming addiction is not only possible, but it is beautiful. And, to my Grandma, Wanda McKinney, from whom I inherited my love for writing. Your journals gave me the push I needed to break away from so much bondage without any guilt or questions, and they showed me what was truly inside of your heart.

I want to thank the amazing team that has helped make this book what it is today, for my editors and teachers, Mrs. Diana Locke and Mrs. Linda Weatherford, for Brittany Sipler for taking my amazing photos, and for the entire team at BookBaby who made this process a dream come true!

If you are struggling with an eating disorder, know that you are not alone. Know that you are not crazy. Know that you are sick enough to reach out for help, no matter your size or how deep into this mess you are. Find someone who you can talk to. Dont worry about what other people will think about you; self-care is important, and you have the resources. It will not go away overnight; it will take hard work on your part, but when you can enjoy food and life again, it will all be worth it.

National Eating Disorders Helpline Phone Number: 1-800-931-2237

For 24/7 crisis support, text NEDA to 741741

Introduction

Hi, friends! Im Korrie and I am so very excited that you have chosen to pick up my book and go on this journey with me. At the time I am writing this, I am finishing up my last few semesters of college at Missouri State University in West Plains, Missouri, where I am studying to be a teacher. I love writing, reading, coffee, Harry Potter, and Disney, and you will see references to them a lot throughout these pages. Those things most everyone knows about me, but what very few people know is that I am also battling anorexia and have been for the majority of my life.

I am currently sitting in my living room surrounded by books, my notes, and of course, a cup or two of coffee (because one is never enough). It is a perfect spring day and the sunshine is pouring in through the windows. I have a mile-long to-do list and homework on my desk waiting for my attention, but I choose to just sit here and start writing this book.

I know you are probably wondering why I am writing a book about overcoming an eating disorder when I have not yet overcome it, but here is why. I have dealt with this demon for over half of my life, and I am fighting with everything in me to kick it to the curb. One of the end goals I set for myself was to write a book that would help others fight it, too. By the time I finish this book and you are reading it, I hope to be a recovered woman, or at least much further along on my journey, but I know that I cannot rush the process no matter how much I might want to. I want to break free from the trap inside of my mind and the lies I tell myself. I will be unbound, unafraid, and healthy.

The church girl inside of me just screamed a big ol, AMEN SISTER!

Throughout the pages of this book, I will share with you my past, entries from my journals, posts from my blog site, Chapter 30: Turning the Page , the secrets of my eating disorder, the lies I believed, things I have tried while reaching for recovery that have helped and that have not helped, and how we can live a life without an ED! (I cannot wait to get to that last part.)

I am very excited, as well, to share advice with those of you who are trying to help others navigate through this trench. You are the support team and play a major role in the person that you loves recovery. I will talk to you about things you can do and say to help your loved one, friend, patient, or colleague; as well as things that you should not do or say to them. This is important because eating disorders are a subject that is not discussed except when involving a celebrity, so the vast majority of people do not know how to deal with an eating disorder when they have it or how to help someone who does.

I am not doing or saying any of this so that you will feel sorry for me. I want to be transparent. I want to assist others and give them hope. If I can help equip one person to charge through their battle like the warrior they are, then my own fight will have more meaning.

Publishing my story is one of the scariest and hardest tasks I have ever done. Not because Im afraid of the response, (well, that is not completely true), but because it is raw, unfiltered, and my deepest secret for the world to know. However, I have found that opening up about things that we struggle with make us seem more human and more relatable to those around us. I want to kick down the doors, break down the walls, and cut down the fences in which I have trapped myself. By doing this, I want to become more approachable to those who are also suffering, so they know that they are not alone. So that you know that you are not alone. So I know that I am not alone.

Most of the chapters are short because I want people of all ages and lifestyles to pick up this book and receive the help and advice they need the way I wish I would have when I first developed this illness. I also do not want you to be overwhelmed by medical terms or so much content that you fail to see what is most important.

I hope that throughout this journey you laugh with me, cry with me, and overcome with me.

(Note: Due to privacy, some names and situations have been changed in order to protect their identity.)

Before You Start Reading

I want to encourage you before you start reading the content of this book, whether you have an eating disorder or not, to sit down and write everything you know, or think you know, about EDs. Write down your questions, your fears, your worries: basically, anything you can think of that you are unsure about or want to know. Write down what you think an ED is and what it is about, even if it seems mean or cold-hearted. These notes are just for you and your education on the topic. I suggest that you leave several spaces in between each question or comment so that as you read and you find an answer or explanation, you can write it down underneath it. I want you to do this very important step because my whole purpose of writing this book and putting my life out in the open is to break down barriers and end the stigma of what eating disorders are thought to be and what they are thought to look like.

If I do not answer a question that you have, use it to do some research at the library or on the Internet. And, of course, feel free to write to me via email, , find my author page on facebook and instagram, or type @endingthestigmawithkorrie on your posts and I will do my best to answer your questions.