Grace - Forgiveness: Picking Up the Pieces

Forgiveness

Picking Up the Pieces

Grace

Copyright 2012 Dee Ann Wilson

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Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

The Ryrie Study Bible King James Version 1976, 1978 by The Moody Bible Institute of Chicago

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-6291-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6292-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012914701

WestBow Press rev. date: 08/22/2012

Contents

One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat. When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. Shes a sinner! Then Jesus answered his thoughts. Simon, he said to the Pharisee, I have something to say to you. Go ahead. Teacher, Simon replied. Then Jesus told him this story: A man loaned money to two people-500 pieces of silver to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that? Simon answered, I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.

Thats right, Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didnt offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didnt greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. I tell you her sins-and they are many- have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love. Then Jesus said to the woman, Your sins are forgiven.

Luke 7: 36-50

Overcoming Guilt, Rage, and Depression
My Personal Story

T he first emotion I ever remember feeling was pride. I was proud of myself because I could smoke cigarettes, do drugs, and drink alcohol like everybody else. I found that when I used drugs I could numb feelings and memories and I had friends. I also remember losing my innocence at age four. I wanted to forget that memory. Also, I wanted to find friends. Friends were the most important thing in my life when I was growing up because I had lived a life of isolation during my teenage years.

Maybe there are other reasons you have turned to idols. Everybody does. We all stray. Maybe you suffer from guilt. Maybe you have or have had violence in your home. Maybe you are a soldier with survivors guilt. My idols were sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. It almost killed me in the end. At first, my motivation was to have friends and be accepted by other people so I would not be so lonely. Then I began to try to escape reality and, in the end, it was revenge. I was out to conquer and hurt every man on the planet because I felt like a victim. As the years went by, the more revenge and anger I felt on the inside, the more horrific my life became on the outside. The more horrific my life became on the outside, the more revenge and anger I felt on the inside. It was a vicious cycle.

In 1978 I was kidnapped by organized crime. I was beaten, starved, held hostage, screamed at, forced into pornography, and threatened with death daily. The daily dose of fear was horrific. Everything my husband and I owned, and all the money we had in the bank, was stolen. And I was brainwashed into believing I was going to be a rock star. For about one year I was stalked (1977-78) and then for one year (1978-79), I was held hostage. When nothing was left for them to take I sold my soul and joined their family and in return, they allowed me to live. In 1979 I came home. I was destroyed. I was divorced for the second time by age 21 with unbearable guilt and shame. I was penniless, and my mind had snapped. I did not even have my own soul.

In 1979, after I came home, I went to a church that was having a lot of miracles happening in the congregation. It was called the Spirit of Love Church. I got my soul and salvation back according to James 5:19, 20.

My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins. James 5:19-20

If you have ever committed that sin, selling your soul or denying Christ, I am inviting you back to wholeness so that you may serve Christ and go to heaven, justified, and as righteous as Christ Himself with forgiveness of all your sins.

That was a beginning and I was so happy. I even went to Discipleship and Missionary School at Agapeforce for one year. Yet, when I left, I had to face the drugs, drink, and mental illness again and I was fighting a losing battle. I was also raped by a member of the Spirit of Love church and kicked out of Agapeforces Missionary School, so I gave up and left the church.

In 1980, I found myself locked up in a mental hospital. The diagnosis was mental illness due to an overdose of cocaine. The doctors and therapists told me I had a chemical imbalance in my brain because I had done too many drugs. Then I was placed on medication and therapy for addiction to drugs and alcohol. During these deep dark days I lost everything and everyone except my immediate family. Then, for the next 32 years, God reached down from heaven; healing, blessing, teaching, and leading me on an adventure. Life has steadily gotten better and better even though for the first few years I saw no difference in my life.

In 1980, when I got locked up I lost all my friends along with most of my familys loyalty and friendship. I was marked and no one wanted anything to do with me. I found I could no longer do simple things like: find and hold a job, function without medication and therapy, lose weight, nor go back to school and finish. At first I thought everything was normal, didnt everybody drink, do drugs, and sleep around? That was normal life for me and I kept trying to find my answers in Education. When I found I could not stop the drugs and alcohol, or find and hold a job, or finish school, I was hopeless. Then, after I did sober up, ten years later, I felt it was everyone elses fault. I blamed everyone else and I had a hard time looking at myself. I could not look myself in the mirror, or look at what I was doing in daily life, without remorse and guilt for the things I was doing or had done. I felt I was a victim and I wanted revenge. Revenge, depression, anger, and hopelessness usually bring about violence against the ones we love then often times suicide or murder. This attitude brought me, terrible sexual perversions, but God was patient and merciful.