Carol Ann Morrow - Forgiving: Is Smart for Your Heart

Forgiving

Is Smart for Your Heart

Carol Ann Morrow

Illustrated by R. W. Alley

Abbey Press

For Pat Barker,

who believes forgiveness

is the most important lesson

and teaches that lesson so well.

A Message to Parents, Teachers,
and Other Caring Adults

Weve all heard the expression Forgive and forget. The real order of the universe, however, is Remember and forgive. The purpose of this book is to help you guide your children in that true order. This does not mean allowing and accepting injustice, injury, or abuse. Adults as well as children need to name, recognize, and challenge these. Forgiveness goes a step further. It is letting go of any need to get even. It is believing that every person is more than any single actioneven actions that seem to cause pain and sadness.

Children are very forgiving by nature. They continue along this path, unless we teach them something else. And we do teach them in many ways most of them not verbal. We may teach them to hold grudges, when they see us withhold our love. We teach them volumes through what we reveal in our words of complaint, our words of anger. We teach them by our gestures, our postures, our attitudes. Who needs words?

Yet I dare to offer some. Psychologist William Damon, author of The Moral Child, encourages caring adults to nurture childrens moral growthas surely as we nurture their growing bodies with food and drink and exercise. Dr. Damon says that caring adults have four steps to take in fostering moral virtue. Ive applied the steps hes described to encouraging a spirit of forgiveness.

First, support and nurture the childs innate forgiving nature. Second, help the child see and name situations in which forgiveness isor could be expressed. Third, encourage forgiving words and actions. Lastly, challenge any lack of forgiveness by creating chances for a change of heart. No festering, only fostering!

You and I experience forgiveness every day in a very physical way. We experience a body renewed after a nights rest. Daily, we and the earth are given a new chance with the sunrise. As in our bodies and on our earth, forgiveness can be in our heartsand in our childrens hearts. Forgiving is smart for your heart.

Carol Ann Morrow

Your Heart Is Smart

S ome days have bumps in them. You can get a bump on your knee or on your heart.

T heresa broke Sarahs new pencil. Theresa says she didnt mean to, but Sarah feels sad. James didnt pick Ben for the team. Ben is mad at James.

S arah and Ben could hold on to their hurt feelings. They could stay sad or mad. But they could also make another choice. They could let go. They could forgive.

F orgiving is good for happy living. Your heart knows how to forgive. When you do it over and over, you get even better at it.

To Forgive Is to Give

T he word give is inside the word forgive. Giving and forgiving are a lot alike. When you say, Its okay, to Jasmine, you are giving her a gift. That gift is letting go of what she did or said. You give away your reason to be mad or hurt.

F orgiving is like erasing a chalkboard. Some teachers write your name on the board when you get in trouble. When your name is gone, everything is all right again. You can erase Jasmines name from your blackboard by forgiving her.

F orgiving does not mean that nothing happened. You know you could make Jasmine feel bad for what she did. But you want to help her to feel good and be good. You want to give her a new chance.

Forgiving Opens Your Heart

M aybe your mom said she would take you to the circus, but she forgot. Or your uncle said he would bring you a present, but he doesnt have one.

Y ou could be sad and quiet. You could pitch a fit or be mean. You might not talk or be friendly.

H urting people who hurt you may seem fair. But it really just keeps the hurt going. It traps both of you inside a dark cloud of bad feelings. Forgiving opens your heart, so you can let out the hurt and let love shine in.

How to Forgive

T o show forgiveness, you might say: Im okay. Its okay. I know you didnt mean it. Youre my friend. Ill let it pass. I love you.

D ont say: It doesnt matter, when it really does. Or, Forget it, if you wish someone would remember to act another way.

Y ou can also show forgiveness by your actions. Look your friend in the eye and smile or shake hands. Hug your dad or sit close to your mom. Do something extra nice. Dont wait too long, so the person knows this is about forgiving.

What Does Forgiving Look Like?

T here are many different ways to forgive. Lets say your little brother keeps taking your ball away. You can play with him for a while to show him how to share and play together.

M aybe your dad said he would go to the park with you. Now he says hes too tired. You can tell him, I like to be with you. You rest now and we can go tomorrow.

C arrie tries to sneak ahead in the lunch line. You let Carrie know in a kind way that she isnt being fair or polite: Carrie, get in line next to me. We can get there at almost the same time.