Mark Meynell - When Darkness Seems My Closest Friend: Reflections on Life and Ministry With Depression

This book is not the illusive quick fix for the depressed. Nor is it a manual for those wanting to be a Jobs comforter. You will search in vain for platitudes, programmes or psychological props. Rather, like C. S. Lewiss A Grief Observed , it is a springboard from honest autobiography to (in this case) a realistic analysis of the tangible shadow that depression casts. With understanding and compassion, Mark Meynell undergirds the sufferer with a confidence in the Lord, who sometimes appears to work against himself in our lives. It is compelling yet practical reading, written with integrity, warmth and trust in Christ, who is the High Priest in touch with our reality. All who read this will feel deeply indebted to Mark Meynell, and to God who has taught him so much in the blizzard of suffering.

Roger Carswell, evangelist and author

A moving and fascinating description of the life of a preacher battling depression. Mark writes openly and honestly about his black dog, and in doing so is able expertly to explain the importance of Gods grace in breaking the depressive feelings of guilt, abuse, abandonment and betrayal. This book offers a light at the end of the tunnel, whether youre a sufferer or supporter.

Sean Fletcher, broadcaster

What makes this book on depression stand out from a crowded field is the mixture of fine writing, personal honesty, intellectual analysis, theological incisiveness and simple open-endedness: Mark does not proffer a cure, but he does offer you a walking companion for the dark journey. And anyone who has a friend with depression will find it even more helpful. So, all in all, its a must-buy and a must-read.

Julian Hardyman, Senior Pastor, Eden Baptist Church, Cambridge

A poignant and powerful description of one mans continuing journey to understand and manage depression. Mark Meynells eloquent book is written straight from the heart of pain yet it is brimful of hope and courage, and will help anyone whose life has been touched by mental illness. Meynell is defiantly not defined by his afflictions, which are only one part of the life of this exceptional man, minister and writer. In finding the courage to pen this important book, Meynell has illuminated not just his own experience, but will help many others to make sense of their own lives. He has certainly helped me to make more sense of mine.

Rachel Kelly, author of the Sunday Times top ten bestseller Black Rainbow: How Words Healed Me My Journey Through Depression , and ambassador for SANE and Rethink Mental Illness

A thoughtful and courageous book, which reflects on what it means to live as a Christian with depression. Writing from experience, Mark navigates us through the darkness of despair, and shines gospel light on issues such as shame, guilt and fear. As we journey with him, we are reminded that we are not alone and pointed to a Saviour who brings us purpose, grace and hope.

Emma Scrivener, author, blogger and speaker

As a fellow-sufferer, albeit one who has not suffered quite as severely, I welcome Mark Meynells courageous book. It is full of raw honesty, and powerfully articulates the struggles and confusions which depression throws up, especially to those in Christian ministry who, whatever the pretence, are not insulated from it. At the same time, it offers practical wisdom and hope to those who struggle, without being trite. Id recommend it to all who suffer, for them to read slowly and gently. Id also recommend it to those seeking to care for someone with depression, or understand its nature and how a sufferer can continue to serve Christ well through weakness.

Derek Tidball, author, Bible teacher and former Principal of London School of Theology

In this profound, unusual and very personal book, Mark Meynell reflects on living with the painful thorn in the flesh of a vulnerability to depression, and how that has affected his view of himself and the reactions of those around him as he seeks to pastor and teach while openly admitting his struggle. He touches on many difficult subjects the causes of depression, wrestling with suicidal thoughts, why God allows suffering, shame and guilt, what not to say to people who are depressed... and overall he demonstrates the extraordinary relevance and power of the Bible in helping us to connect our often mysterious and confusing experiences to Gods bigger story. But no trite or easy answers here. His creative appendix of music, books, poetry, and websites and blogs that have helped him survive his cave of depression is invaluable.

Richard Winter, Professor Emeritus of Counselling, Covenant Seminary, St Louis, USA

Marks empathy as a friend, his gentle love for Jesus as a pastor, provides us with wise guidance and that rarest of care that helps us feel that we are known and accepted. Mark does not write as one who has arrived. The hope he offers is neither trite nor cruel. Instead, he invites us fellow cave-dwellers and those who love us to walk (or collapse) with him on the road. Jesus kisses us and holds us there. He fights on our behalf there. Guilt and shame are no match for him. They run in fear and let us alone. For the first time in a long while, we rest.

Zack Eswine, Pastor, Riverside Church, and Director of Homiletics, Covenant Theological Seminary, St Louis, Missouri

INTER-VARSITY PRESS

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Mark Meynell, 2018

Mark Meynell has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as Author of this work.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher or the Copyright Licensing Agency.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version (Anglicized edition). Copyright 1979, 1984, 2011 by Biblica (formerly International Bible Society). Used by permission of Hodder & Stoughton Publishers, an Hachette UK company. All rights reserved. NIV is a registered trademark of Biblica (formerly International Bible Society). UK trademark number 1448790.

The lyrics on pp. 113115 are taken from The Rain Keeps Falling by Andrew Peterson, 2015 Jakedog Music/Music Services (Adm Song solutions ). All rights reserved. Used by permission.

First published 2018

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 9781783596508

eBook ISBN: 9781783596515

Set in Dante 12/15pt

Typeset in Great Britain by CRB Associates, Potterhanworth, Lincolnshire

Printed in Great Britain by Ashford Colour Press Ltd, Gosport, Hampshire

eBook by CRB Associates, Potterhanworth, Lincolnshire

Inter-Varsity Press publishes Christian books that are true to the Bible and that communicate the gospel, develop discipleship and strengthen the church for its mission in the world.

IVP originated within the Inter-Varsity Fellowship, now the Universities and Colleges Christian Fellowship, a student movement connecting Christian Unions in universities and colleges throughout Great Britain, and a member movement of the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students. Website: www.uccf.org.uk. That historic association is maintained, and all senior IVP staff and committee members subscribe to the UCCF Basis of Faith.

Slavko Hadzic and Kosta Milkov

More faithful friends this cave-dweller has not found

So many people have helped me to reach this point. Never has it been clearer to me how much of a collaborative effort life is! And thats before I even got to the business of writing all this down.