Stephen Viars - Overcoming Bitterness: Moving from Lifes Greatest Hurts to a Life Filled with Joy

Imagine youre having coffee with a friend who knows you well, and during the course of the conversation they ask you, Do you have any bitterness in your life? How would you answer them? While admittedly this is not the kind of question we generally contemplate while standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, it is certainly worth considering in a more reflective moment. Do you have any bitterness in your life?

You Better Believe I Do!

As a pastor, Ive been in enough of these kinds of conversations over the years to know that the responses can be rich and varied. Some people become animated as they tell about their unfair or harsh treatment by someone in their past, and then conclude by proclaiming, You better believe Im bitter, and I have every right to be!

No pretension there. However, if you know the Bible well, you can probably think of statements to suggest that way of living might be displeasing to God. For example, Paul told the Christians in Ephesus, Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you (Eph. 4:3132).

The truth is that unrestrained bitterness will destroy us. As author Lee Strobel explains, Acrid bitterness inevitably seeps into the lives of people who harbor grudges and suppress anger, and bitterness is always a poison. It keeps your pain alive instead of letting you deal with it and get beyond it. Bitterness sentences you to relive the hurt over and over.

An unknown author noted that bitterness does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than the vessel on which it is poured. Many of us can tell stories from personal experience of how that statement is painfully true.

The costs of not addressing this issue are high and varied. Some people try to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol in an attempt to dull the pain. Others turn to shallow and illicit sexual relationships to find meaning and happiness in a new person or experience. Bitterness is often connected to anxiety, worry, depression, and fear. Marriages dissolve and families disintegrate if bitterness is left unaddressed. The Bible warns against unrestrained bitterness, because the God of heaven does not want anyone to suffer these terrible effects.

No, Not at All?

On the other hand, perhaps youre the kind of person who would say, Ive progressed in my relationship with the Lord to where Im trying to rid my heart and life of unrestrained bitterness because I know how damaging it can be to my walk with Christ. Thats wonderful, but it doesnt mean you or anyone else could say, No, I dont have any bitterness in my life at all. In the following pages, I will show that such a position is simply not possible. This side of heaven, we all have bitterness.

Three Distinct Categories

One benefit of studying the Word of God is that it brings clarity and understanding. Thats why those who identify as followers of Jesus Christ view the Bible as a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path (Ps. 119:105). We want to know everything the Bible says about various topics.