Kagiso Msimango - The Goddess Mojo Bootcamp

Eight years ago, I terminated my relationship with my unborn daughters father early in my second trimester. I dumped him for getting me pregnant. I am kidding, but the reason I ended our relationship sounds equally ludicrous. He wanted to marry me, and I had no idea how to do that, so I pushed him away. A few months later I found myself head over heels in love with a baby girl, and I wanted better for her. Thus my journey to learn how to attract and maintain happy, healthy, romantic relationships began in earnest. You see, I suck at relationships; in fact I have first-hand experience with a fair number of the relationship challenges explored in The Goddess Mojo Bootcamp . My baby roused in me a determination to heal the issues that made relationships confounding for me, and acquire knowledge that would empower me to create better ones.

I gave it my all.

I attended seminars and workshops, took courses and read books, sought mentors, teachers and coaches. I did a lot of introspection, which resulted in much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I may be exaggerating, but only a little. A lot of money, time and energy were invested in getting on top of my relationship game.

Recently I was chatting to a friend on Facebook and he asked me when I was writing my next book.

I am writing it now, actually.

What is it about?

Relationships.

Ive got to read it! U suck in that department.

I know!

Geez, bitch.

You are the one who said I suck. Whats with the name calling?

Oh, I meant to type that I suck. LOL. But you suck too my friend.

This friend has known me for nearly two decades and has been privy to my romantic misadventures. I often text him when I want to dump my beloved, which is regularly. Not because they deserve regular dumping, but because relationships are challenging, and often when I encounter relationship challenges I am very tempted to somersault off the couple wagon. My friend will text back:

Dump him, friend. I can have him, mos ? He is tooooooo gorjus.

That usually has me changing my mind. We all need a friend who will tell you happily that they covet your beloved. Its good for perspective.

There are many things that I am naturally good at, like writing, public speaking, losing post-baby fat, strategy, marketing and coaching, to name a few. Its a fair-sized list. Relationships, on the other hand, are not something that I am naturally and effortlessly good at, and that is good news for you. I dont know how to teach anyone to lose post-baby fat because it pretty much happens by itself. I know. I am a bitch, a skinny bitch. I am also useless at helping people who are scared of public speaking because I find it easy and exhilarating. Imagine that you wanted help to quit smoking. Would you go to someone who has never smoked or to someone who managed to drop a pack-a-day, 15-year smoking habit? The former will tell you to just stop, with absolutely no insight into why you struggle to just stop. The latter will be able to sympathise and empathise with your struggle.

If you were to make up a job title that most aptly describes what you do, what would you call yourself?

I am a Cheerleader and Liberator of Women.

I help women develop the bold daring required to pursue the lives they truly want, instead of settling for what they think they can get. Okay is a four-letter word, you are meant for more is boldly printed on the cover of my first book, The Goddess Bootcamp . The kinds of women I attract arent interested in playing small. They are brilliant, talented and ambitious warrior goddesses. Imagine my surprise then, when many of these warrior goddesses came to me, not seeking support in missions of revolution and world domination, but wanting to find and/or keep love. My response was to attempt to nudge them to pursue other, more mental, material, vocational or spiritual pursuits. This wasnt because I was unqualified to coach them towards their relationship goals. I am qualified.

I really didnt understand my resistance, until one day it came to me. My reluctance to support these women in attaining the relationships they sought was due to my socialisation. Weve grown up in an era where responsible, well-intentioned adults condition younger female charges to value numerous things above relationships. You must travel, own property, discover your life purpose, know how to give yourself an orgasm, start your own business, get a post-graduate qualification, maybe even climb a very high mountain; basically pack in enough life to write your memoirs, before you even think about a serious relationship.

Who needs a man, when you can take over the world?

Not Us. We are brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous goddesses.

It is sadly ironic that no one ever says to a man, you are brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous, why do you want a woman? Men are free to desire relationships, yet women, who tend to value relationships more than men, are the ones pressured to depreciate them. The fact that relationships tend to be a higher priority for women does not make men better than women, or women better than men. It just makes us different. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but for most women a fulfilling love life is no less essential to a happy life than a formidable career or a long bank balance. We confuse equality with sameness. Weve erroneously come to believe that to prove our equality to men we have to be the same as men. This is not true. In fact, if you are just like someone else, then why are you necessary? Nature is too efficient for duplicates. Seeking connection, harmonious relating, community, and valuing the we above the I are feminine inclinations. Whether you are male or female, when you long for, build and nurture your relationships (platonic, familial, romantic, even business) you are expressing your feminine side. Prioritising the pursuit of a relationship in this hyper-masculine society of ours is popularly positioned as a disability of some sort one needs to be cured of, but because it is an inherent need that cannot be ignored for many of us, we dont stop craving it. Our craving is simply accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt.

Please give yourself permission to want and pursue that epic romance.

Once Id identified and dismantled this oppressive programming that cool, happening, dynamic, educated, successful, financially independent women like you and me have better things to do with our awesomeness than crave coupledom I committed to helping my clients conjure the romances they yearned for. I did research on helping people find and keep love, and discovered a lot of weird and wonderful things; some empowering, others elating, some funny, several saddening and too many that were just plain outrageous.