Jason Mackenzie - The Dadly Book of Open: How Cultivating Vulnerability Makes You a Stronger, Wiser and More Courageous Father

Foreword

For as long as I can remember, I have always associated the word vulnerability with exposed weakness. I believe most men think the same way. In fact, even saying the word vulnerability out loud makes the majority of men cringe. The reason is simple. Most men desire to be viewed as a pillar of strength. We want to be viewed as a leader who empowers and guides others. Most men like to be associated with powerful adjectives, like: Strong, Assertive, Confident, Influential, and Wise. Vulnerability is not a term that comes to mind when we think of an empowering adjective to ascribe to ourselves as men.

What if we reframed vulnerability? What if we realized we could become a better man, a more influential leader, a more confident man, more assertive, and even stronger by leveraging vulnerability in our lives? Sound scary? Stay with me. I used to feel and think the same way.

Over the past few years, I have interacted with thousands of dads across the world. I have learned from other men/fathers about what pains us most in life. For the most part, dads struggle with patience, work/life balance, tempers, stress management, confidence, connection and deep relationships with our spouse and kids, guilt after taking time to care for ourselves to better serve others around us, and a lack of other likeminded men in our lives that we can go to when we need guidance and advice.

The reason we struggle with the challenges above is that we believe we are the only ones that struggle with them. We believe we are on our own little island, where we struggle with having patience, establishing the work/life balance, handling stress, finding confidence, etc. To add insult to injury, the last thing in the world we want to do is open up to another human being to tell them that we are struggling in the first place. After all, we are supposed to be strong. We cant show weakness. We cant show anyone that we dont have a handle on our life. We cant become vulnerable and ask for insight, guidance, or wisdom, since were the ones expected to have it!

What would people think of us if they knew we had struggles? What would people think if they knew we had challenges, and obstacles that we cannot overcome by ourselves? People would think less of us. People would lose faith in us. People would question our ability as a leader. They might even question our ability to do anything well. Does this thought process sound familiar? Is this you? I can tell you for a fact it was me, and its the majority of dads I have interacted with.

I have gotten to know Jason Mackenzie extremely well over the past year. Jason and I met through my podcast, The Good Dad Project Podcast. When I first met Jason, I still thought that VULNERABILITY=WEAKNESS. Jason first commented on a podcast episode. He then emailed me to ask if we could spend a few minutes on the phone so he could get to know me, the mission of the GDP, and to share his story. I have to admit, when I heard Jasons view on empowering ourselves and others through vulnerability, I thought what most men thought. I didnt really get it, and the concept made me uncomfortable. But then I heard Jasons story. Jason and I spent an hour on the phone talking about his experience with losing his wife, and his struggle with alcohol for years.

Something very interesting and unexpected happened during that conversation that I didnt realize at the time. Jason opened up his life, his story, and shared intimate details of his struggles with me. Its shocking when you consider that before this conversation, I didnt know a thing about him. As Jason continued to talk, it gave me a tremendous amount of comfort. The simple reason being that I, too, had gone through similar struggles as Jason. I, too, had been through extreme low points in my life. I, too, went through a time where I struggled with using alcohol to numb pain and hide who I was. As he shared his story, it reminded me that I was not alone in this continuous journey of manhood, fatherhood, and striving to simply become a better person. Through his story and his vulnerability, he empowered me. He shared his own strength to give me strength of my own.

I learned something profound in that one conversation. Vulnerability will not only empower you, but it also empowers those around you. Vulnerability can empower a group or even an audience of people. It means sharing your own story, your struggles and challenges. Think of any impactful speaker you have seen. The best speakers in the world are the best storytellers. They have a gift to not only tell a great story, but also share a lot of the details that many others wouldnt. True transparency has an opportunity to impact others in such a profound way. True vulnerability and transparency impacts the lives of others because its REAL. People relate to REAL. Being REAL is liberating.

What you are about to read in this book will change your life. Through Jasons story, transparency, and vulnerability, you will find this freedom. By the time you get to the end of this book, you will fully realize that there is tremendous strength and freedom in being vulnerable.

Larry Hagner

Founder of the Good Dad Project

Author of The Dads Edge

Introduction

Shining the light on our authentic selves is not easy. It can be damn messy at times. Ive had to accept that I am not the man and father I pretended to be for so long. Im learning how to deal with the full spectrum of human emotions - in my forties. And I wouldnt trade this experience for anything. Every single thing in my life is better than it was. After all these years, Im finally speaking with my true voice.

The trajectory of my life is very different than it was just two years ago. Im breaking free of comforts death grip on me and hurtling headfirst into the unknown. The career I fought so hard to build? Its not mine. It belongs to a previous version of me. Ive let long-time friends go because the relationships were no longer serving either of us. Ive created connections and built relationships with new and incredible people from all over the world. Im creating value for people by showing them more of myself. Im enthusiastically sharing the lessons Im learning from the mistakes Ive made. As I move in new directions, I am confronted with more discomfort than I have ever allowed myself to feel. I choose to face it head on. Its the birthplace of personal growth. Without it, I would die.

I realize now how cultivating vulnerability has transformed me as a father. Im more present, more authentic, and more connected to my kids. I used to drink in front of my daughters ev ery day. I never talked about it, because I didnt think there was anything worth talking about. In fact, I convinced myself they were too young to notice what I was doing. They saw me drinking giant glasses of whiskey and Diet Pepsi every night. After six oclock in the evening, I was slurring my words when I talked to them. I told myself they didnt notice.

Of course they noticed. Only a frightened man living in denial could have thought otherwise. Now I talk to them about why I drank, how it made me feel about myself, and what my life has been like since I stopped. Im living a life of increased significance, and my kids are watching everything I do. Ive discovered what Im passionate about and Im charging ahead with my life. They feel my happiness. Im a better husband because I love my wife in deeds, not just words. They will expect nothing less for themselves.

I was a typical father. I never gave a second thought to cultivating vulnerability in my life. I didnt even think of the word in that context. I thought vulnerability was a weakness that others would exploit. My job was to be strong and resolute. I would use my mind and body to defend, protect, and guide my family. My wife would serve as the heart and conscience of the family. That belief did nothing to make me a stronger man and father. It made me a much weaker one.