Jennifer Cook - The Asperkids (Secret) Book of Social Rules, 10th Anniversary Edition: The Handbook of (Not-So-Obvious) Neurotypical Social Guidelines for Autistic Teens

By the same author

Sisterhood of the Spectrum

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ISBN 978 1 84905 790 5

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eISBN 978 0 85700 779 7

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Home Design to Empower Everyday Superheroes

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eISBN 978 0 85700 727 8

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An Insiders Guide to Loving, Understanding and Teaching Children with Asperger Syndrome

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eISBN 978 0 85700 647 9

THE
ASPERKIDS
SECRET
BOOK OF
SOCIAL RULES

10TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION

THE HANDBOOK OF
(NOT-SO-OBVIOUS) NEUROTYPICAL
SOCIAL GUIDELINES FOR AUTISTIC TEENS

JENNIFER COOK

ILLUSTRATED BY TIM STRINGER

First published in Great Britain in 2022 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

An imprint of Hodder & Stoughton Ltd

An Hachette Company

Copyright Jennifer Cook 2022

Illustrations copyright Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library and the Library of Congress

ISBN 978 1 78775 837 7

eISBN 978 1 78775 838 4

Jessica Kingsley Publishers policy is to use papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products and made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes are expected to conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Carmelite House

50 Victoria Embankment

London EC4Y 0DZ

www.jkp.com

For Brett,

Thank you for rewriting the rules with me.

For YOU,

If you wonder whether you believe in miracles,
perhaps youve forgotten that you are one.

Im not one whos usually at a loss for words, but this timeI am. I had no ideanonethat this book would be what its become, not to me, not to my own kids, not to almost 100,000 English readers, and certainly not in translation from China to Denmark.

But there is someone who did. From the minute she read the first draft Jessica Kingsley told me that it was something special. A decade later, Im even more thankful for her foresight and for the support of the entire Jessica Kingsley Publishers family. In the first edition I wrote that I sincerely appreciate your vision and dedication and [am] so proud to bear the JKP mark. Those words are just as trueif not more sotoday.

To my readers (of all ages). Your trust is everything. Your words have blown me away. Your courage and laughter is the stuff I will hold deep within my heart forever. There just isnt breath enough in my body to thank you enough for every message, hug, honor, recognition, review, post and smile. Youve made me the proudest, most grateful girl on the planet.

To my husband, Brett, to my children and to my mom, Janethank you for being my wonderful, nutty, sometimes exasperating, always inspiriting, perfectly imperfect family. I love you. May you never get tired of hearing it.

Finally, to those whove taught methrough kindness or hurt, through love or abandonmentexactly who I am, thank you. I never couldve done it without you.

Dear Journal,

What the heck? How is it possible to be so smart and so clueless at the exact same time? It seems like everyone else speaks a language that I dont. I watch them. I listen. I imitate. I acta lot. Have you heard my newest nickname? The tennis team has taken to calling me Happy Head. They actually mean it to be nice. I think Ive become the seniors pet. The cute little redhead with the smile plastered on her faceits plastered, all right. And plastic. Im completely petrified of feeling left out. Again. Its probably just a matter of time, though. We both know that I always manage to blow it somehow. Just give me long enough and Ill screw up any friendship. Seriously, I wish someone would just give me some rules on how to be normallet me know when THAT book comes out. It seems to be the only one I havent read.

Love, Jenny

Present Day

There wasnt a rule book when I was a teenager, like I wished. There was no peek into the secret guidelines that I knew had to be there, but couldnt ever figure out. There were rules, I was sure of it. Everyone else seemed to get them. But not me. Over and over, Id mess up without even realizing it. Then try to cover it up. Then have to find new friends. For thirty-four years, that was the cycle, until I learned a new word: autism. And all of a sudden, I made sense. It all made sense. No, there wasnt a rule book then. But there is now. Part code-cracking, part doodle pad. Completely honest and all yours. Well, ours

Welcome to the (Secret) Rule Book.

Lets talk for a minute about name calling. Now, I dont mean the rude kind. Nope. Im talking about the names were going to call ourselves in this book .

Trust me, this matters.

There are, undeniably, thousands of aspects to you. No one part of you could possibly define all of you, right? Thatd be ridiculous. Same goes for me. And, youre reading this book because we happen to share one important aspect: our neurology. Basically, thats the way our brains happen to be designed and function.

Yes, my friend, Im saying our, because though our kind of minds may be less-than-typical in the world, around here, we are whats in common. Its not you versus me or us versus them, its we, who, together, happen to occupy the same particular part of the Human Spectrum called autism.

And its that name, autism, to which I was referring when I said we needed to talk about name calling.

In this world, there are a lot of things you can call me and honestly, as long as theyre nice words, I dont mind which ones people choose.

Same goes for how I think about autism.

When describing those of us whose brains work in particular patterns with a particular kind of wiring, the names folks have used to explain Us have changed (and probably will change more in the future).

Some people say autism, neurodiverse, neurodivergent, on the spectrum, or a combination of all of them.

But waittheres more. Some people really care whether we say person with autism or person living with autism instead of autistic person. The reasoning being that in person first order, the person is emphasized as being more important than autism as a characteristic. On the other hand, others really like calling themselves autistic or autistic people because it is an identity and part of the person they are.

Can you see how the whole name-calling thing can get really tricky really fast?