Table of Contents
This powerful book guides us through the tender last years of a great and wise man who awakened on the journey through the loss of his mental activity.... A book of great inspiration, courage, and hopeevery word rings with truth, kindness, and the beauty of the human spirit.
ROSHI JOAN HALIFAX, author of Being with Dying:
Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death, and founder, Upaya Zen Center
This absorbing story is much more than a how to book on coping with Alzheimers. With a broader and more discerning brush, it paints a vivid picture of how love deepens and matures as a couple lives through adversity and indeed through the ups and downs of ordinary life. It is also a compelling narrative with page after page of pathos, humor, and insight.
HARVEY COX, author of The Future of Faith and Hollis
Research Professor of Divinity at Harvard University
This book is the bible for anyone whose loved one is dealing with serious or terminal illness.
NANCY BOTELHO, VNA Care Network & Hospice
This is a remarkable book, not only written skillfully but with a rare mix of loving attention, humor, practical wisdom, and a deep sense that two people are taking the journey into Alzheimers together.
REEVE LINDBERGH, author of Under a Wing and No More Words:
A Journal of My Mother, Anne Morrow Lindbergh
The majesty of loving comes through on every page of this wise and touching book. It has helped me to remember lifes precious gifts and fleeting yet miraculous nature. I heartily recommend this teaching memoir, rich with memorable life lessons and poignant anecdotes, to anyone wishing to deal with lifes most difficult passages in a deeply meaningful and beautifully growthful way.
LAMA SURYA DAS, author of Buddha Is As Buddha Does and Awakening the
Buddha Within and founder of the Western Buddhist Teachers Network
A masterful work full of courage, honesty, and, above all, love. Invaluable for all of us humansespecially so if you have a contemplative bent. I completed the book, put it down, and was so moved that I could not speak for hours.
LARRY ROSENBERG, author of Breath by Breath and Living in the Light of Death
and founder and guiding teacher at Cambridge Insight Meditation Center
This memoir is full of gems for relatives and friends struggling to cope with a loved ones Alzheimers disease. It is loaded with psychological and spiritual insights... and is perhaps the most helpful book for caregivers that I have read in my twenty-year history of working in the field. All of us can learn from her experience and wisdom.
DANIEL KUHN, MSW, director of Professional Training Institute
at the Alzheimers Association, Greater Illinois Chapter
An eloquent and honest account of a long, slow ordeal: because this life trial is experienced and shared by two brave, likable, and loving people, it transcends pain and loss and becomes an inspiration.
PETER MATTHIESSEN, author of The Snow Leopard
Ten Thousand Joys & Ten Thousand Sorrows offers a vision of lives well led, and of love in the thick of crisis and loss. This poignant story of Hob and Olivia entering the abyss of Alzheimers will move and enchant you, and disturb you in the best way. Beyond inspiring.
DANIEL GOLEMAN, author of Emotional Intelligence
A heartfelt, wise, honest, and tender book. Enormously helpful both to those facing Alzheimers and their loved ones.
JACK KORNFIELD, author of After the Ecstasy, the Laundry and
founder/director of Spirit Rock Meditation Center
This beautiful book is unlike any other personal account of living with Alzheimers disease that I have ever read. Ten Thousand Joys & Ten Thousand Sorrows changed the way I think about Alzheimers disease after thirty years of practice in this field.... This heuristic, epiphany-provoking, poetically written book offers patients and families practical insights into how they can live their love more fully and derive meaning from amidst the heartbreak of a mind-robbing illness.
PAUL RAIA, director of Patient Care and Family Support at
the Alzheimers Association, Massachusetts Chapter
Ten Thousand Joys & Ten Thousand Sorrows is a story of courage, love, and growing wisdom in the face of Alzheimers. Olivia Hoblitzelle charts the course of her husbands cognitive loss and their deepening insights into life and death, intimacy and separation. I was moved and inspired by this heartful and wonderfully honest account of the daily challenges of opening to the unknown. Olivia shares with us the gift of awareness and the grace of love.
JOSEPH GOLDSTEIN, author of One Dharma and
cofounder/director of Insight Meditation Society
This beautiful yet practical book provides a spiritual dimension to a caregivers challenges in handling Alzheimers disease and other terminal situations.... If you know anyone caring for someone facing certain death, this book could be the best gift ever. It glows with inner light and practical wisdom and surely will become a contemporary classic.
ALICE O. HOWELL, Jungian astrologer and author of The Heavens
Declare: Astrological Ages and the Evolution of Consciousness
This book, previously published as The Majesty of Your Loving, received the following awards:
Gold Medal: Independent Publisher Book Awards
Silver Medal: Nautilus Book Awards
ForeWord Magazine Book Award Finalist
Harrison Hoblitzelle, known as Hob, and
Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle in 1999.
FOR HOB
and for Ethan and Laura
FOREWORD
Alzheimers. Who wants to hear this dreaded word and its dreaded implications? Especially in the context of a family member, a friend, or yourself? And yet this disease is now an unfortunate risk of living a long life in our society.
In the case of Harrison Hoblitzelle, it came relatively early, at the age of seventy-two. No one asks for this, ever, at any age. But what can we do when it arises as an actuality in our family or in ourselves? How can we meet the calamity of the threat; the loss of everything we hold dear and that most fundamentally characterizes us or someone we know and love? How can we even contemplate the loss of the memories of the near and sometimes also the distant past, of the ability to be reliably oriented, effortlessly and consistently, within time and space, to say nothing of the web of our relationships and purposes? How can we contemplate the loss of what we take to be our mind and what it knows, the loss of ones very personhood, if you will? What, if anything, is the karmic assignment here? How are we called to be in relationship to such a turn of fate when it happens to someone we love?
These are questions that have a horrific urgency to them when Alzheimers all of a sudden becomes a personal reality. They beg for intelligent suggestions and approaches if not answers, for pointers to possible ways of being real and spacious in the face of what is befalling our loved one, ourselves, and our family. Behind such questions no doubt lies the hope that perhaps there is some kind of sensible and trustworthy coordinate system that we might discover and embrace, one that we can count on and steer by through the inevitable maelstrom of this disease. There is. Olivia Hoblitzelle offers us a robust example of it here, an approach that includes broad permission and encouragement for us to adapt it creatively to our own circumstances. The particulars of her experiences with Hob, as well as her nuanced reflections, suggestions, and seed thoughts at the end of each chapter are inclusive and all-embracing, inviting us to ponder and feel our own ways through these unpredictable waters. These gentle and inspiring encouragements are not based on any rigid adherence to belief systems, but rather in the cultivation of the heart. They skillfully remind us of the key virtue of kindness, and the power of cultivating self-compassionate intimacy with our own mind states and body states, especially in times of great upset and difficulty.