Julie C. Donaldson - Dont Throw Rocks at His Window: Real Advice to Mend a Broken Heart

The true stories on pages 14, 19, 22, 28, 31, 40, 49, and 59 are used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Donaldson, Julie C.

Dont throw rocks at his window : real advice to mend a broken heart / Julie C. Donaldson.

p. cm.

Summary: Using humor, common sense, and honest conversations, the author walks readers through the steps of not only surviving a broken heart, but also explains the process of learning to nurture strength in yourself and how to receive help from Heavenly Father. Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-60641-157-5 (paperbound) 1. Separation (Psychology) 2. Forgiveness. I. Title.

HQ801.D693 2011

241'.6765dc22 2010037580

Printed in the United States of America R. R. Donelley, Crawfordsville, IN

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To all the guys who broke my heart: Im over you. Really.

And to Freddie, who captured it: Lucky us.

A Broken Heart and a Bad Car Ride

I should have known something was wrong when Zack* offered to drive me home.

I lived across the street from him. Literally. Even though I throw like a girl, I could chuck a rock from my front porch and hit his bedroom window. (Not that I did that. Of course not.)

One day, after wed been hanging out at his house, Zack said, Hey, get in my car and Ill drive you home.

I laughed. What a kidder. It was just one of the things that I liked about him. We had gone on a few dates in the two months since he had moved onto my street, and we hung out at his house almost every weekend. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him.

No, really, get in, he insisted, and so I got in his car and he drove across the street and stopped in front of my house.

I remember my mom and dad were out front working on the lawn.

Zack gripped the steering wheel and said, I hope youre not letting me keep you from dating other people.

A broken heart, no matter how it is delivered, hurts.

I stared at him, not understanding what was happening. Then I noticed the sinking feeling in my stomach and the heat spreading over my face and neck. My breakup sensor was beeping fast and loud. I couldnt believe it was happening like this. I looked out the window. He was breaking up with me in front of my house with my mom and dad standing ten feet away. This was awful.

Can we talk somewhere else? I asked.

Zack was nice enough to drive around the corner so he could finish breaking my heart without my parents looking on. Oh, he was very nice about it. He told me he thought that I liked him more than he liked me and that we should probably stop hanging out. He was so nice he even called me later to ask me if I had cried. (This was when I did not throw a rock at his window.)

His being nice didnt lessen the pain of a broken heart, though. I still missed him. I still felt rejected. I still cried, even though I didnt want to. A broken heart, no matter how it is delivered, hurts.

Actually, the word broken doesnt do justice to how it really feels.

In a war movie, your heart would be the wounded soldier with his guts spilling out all over his hands.

On a cross-country car drive, your heart would be the roadkill.

In an art museum, your heart would be the Picasso painting that looks like a person was taken apart and then stuck back together with all the parts in the wrong places.

On a mission to Mars, your heart would be the astronaut who gets stranded outside of the space shuttle without a tether and goes floating off, silently screaming, to suffocate in cold, dark space.

Okay, enough with the painful analogies. Suffice it to say, a broken heart hurts. But it doesnt have to hurt forever. You can mend a broken heart. I no longer cry over Zack, or any of the other guys who broke my heart. I found healing, and even though it was a difficult road, I made it. And so can you.

So lets walk this mending road together, from despair to hope, from broken heart to mended heart, from an end to a new beginning.

*All names have been changed to protect the guilty.

COME ON, TRY IT!

(YOU'LL FEEL BETTER)

What does your broken heart feel like?

Make up your own analogy and draw a picture of it.

First Things First: Introductions

Since we are going to take this journey together, I believe introductions are in order. And, no, I dont mean Ill introduce myself to you. I want to introduce you to yourself.

If this were a book with a worldly perspective, I would tell you to go look at yourself in the mirror. But this is a book with a celestial perspective, and while man looketh on the outward appearance, the Lord looketh on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). I would have you see yourself the way the Lord sees you. If I could, I would take away all your earthly trappings, both good and bad. I would erase the natural man or woman, healthy or sick, strong or weak, handsome or homely. Then I would show you the radiant, glorious, magnificent spiritual being that you are.

Not were. Not will be. Are.

You dont remember this, but I have it on good authority that you once walked with God, the Creator of the universe, and He saw infinite potential within you. Among the billions of people who have lived on this earth, you are a member of the finest generation, held in reserve for these last days. Out of all of Gods children, you are among His strongest, noblest, and most valiant.

In fact, you were probably among those who were mentioned by Abraham when he said, Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones; and God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers (Abraham 3:2223).

You are a radiant, glorious, magnificent spiritual being. Not were. Not will be. Are.

You might want to write that scripture on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror, but even if you dont, I do hope you will write it in your heart. I want you to understand that you have the potential to one day be like God, with thrones, kingdoms, principalities, powers, dominions, and exaltations (see D&C 132:19). You will be more glorious than you can now fathom. That potential to be like God is within you right now, just like a tiny seed has within itself all of the potential to grow into a great tree, or a flower, or a squash plant. (The best kind of squash plant.)

So I want you to keep in mind your true identity as well as your eternal potential as we work together to mend your broken heart. When I tell you that some actions are beneath you, this is what I mean: that as one of the finest and most glorious of all of Gods creations, you owe it to yourself and to Him to be the best version of yourself that you can be.