Keith Barret - Making Divorce Work: In 9 Easy Steps

DO YOU WANT THE GOOD NEWS OR THE BAD NEWS?

THE BAD NEWS IS YOURE SPLITTING UP

THE GOOD NEWS IS YOURE SPLITTING UP!

NO, I HAVENT MADE A MISTAKE;

THATS EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT TO SAY.

INTRIGUED?

YOU WILL BE

I KNOW I AM.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Keith Barret. I am a divorced man. I can honestly say Ive never been happier.

You may not realize it yet but if you are reading this book you are embarking upon one of lifes great adventures. In a sense I envy you.

Ive called this book Making Divorce Work, but you neednt feel left out if you never actually married and all youve done is simply split up with the love of your life, common law spouse, live-in lover, partner, significant other or soul mate. Dont worry. This book is about failure in all its many forms and Im sure it applies just as easily to you.

So what? if youre happily married, So what? if youre not divorced What is the opening salvo of any divorce? Thats right, the wedding! So even if youre in the happiest place youve ever been and you think your marriage is rock solid, dont worry, any way you look at it youre on the first step towards divorce.

There we are,

D I V O R C E

That word again. It makes some people wince. Why? Divorce. Divorce, divorce, divorce You say its an ending, I say its a fresh start. Is the glass half full or half empty? If youre a man whos recently divorced, the chances are you dont have any glasses left, certainly not the crystal stuff, so come on and join me in raising a beaker to the future!

But before you do, lets first take a very important step together as we begin our journey. May I ask you a question? When was the last time you had an eye test? Thats right, an eye test! A year ago? A week ago? This morning? It really doesnt matter. Regardless of your answer Im going to put on my opticians hat (they dont have hats do they ? They have those straps with a big-hinged silver disc at the end. Fine, Ill put that on) and prescribe you a new pair of spectacles. But these are no ordinary glasses that you can pick up for next to nothing at SpecSavers, nor are they a fancy designer pair of Jeff Bankss from Vision Express, no, theyre magic glasses and the good news is theyre free. Free on the NKS, the National Keith Service!

Its a bit of fun.

Thats right, theyre not actual glasses at all, theyre just a way of looking at the world, at life as it goes on around us, a device for getting across my philosophy I did consider using the more modern and on message metaphor of contact lenses but decided against it as of course with contact lenses you have to take them out at the end of the day and soak them in the bathroom for no less than four hours. I know that you have to take off your glasses also, but the difference is that you can leave them close at hand on the bedside table as you sleep, safe in the knowledge that theyre nearby should you need to look at anything in the dark.

So, glasses it is then! But what sort of glasses do I mean? Not rose-tinted ones, thats for sure! Im a realist, living in the real world, so my glasses need to be real too, so no rose tinting. No, what they are is rose scented, so while you see clearly, youre getting the real genuine picture, youre also smelling a lovely scent of roses! Just like an up-market toilet freshener hanging under your nose. Ill be handing you these glasses throughout the book when I want you to see something in a different way. Lets put them on now

Lets take the word divorce. In her popular song D.I.VO.R.C.E, country star Tammy Wynette broke the word down into its constituent parts, or letters, coming up with a series of words beginning with each letter. I forget the actual words she came up with and for that I apologize; I had the song on a CD, The Golden Rhinestone Ladies of Contemporary and Classic Country, but so far have failed to lay my hands on it Rest assured though that they, the words, were all rather downbeat and sad. The song was a massive hit all around the globe, earning Tammy millions to spend on saddles, but think how much bigger it could have been if she had put, as Tony Blair might say, a positive spin on it. If only shed popped into my opticians for a check-up I could have kitted her out with some special, leather-trimmed Country and Western style glasses! Tammy missed a great opportunity to show the world the positive, uplifting, life-affirming side of divorce;