CJ Werleman - God Hates You, Hate Him Back: Making Sense of The Bible

First Published In Great Britain 2009 by Dangerous Little Books www.dangerouslittlebooks.com

This book is available in print at Amazon.com & Amazon.co.uk

Copyright CJ Werleman

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Making Sense of The Bible

CJ Werleman

First of all, Id like to thank my beloved wife and children for the suffering I put them through in the eighteen months it took to research and write this book. At the very least I can now be sure my wife truly loves me, because she never once interrupted whilst I explained to her many of the Biblical stories in my own words, even though she wanted to, so very much.

Id also like to thank a long lost friend, who tracked me down after twelve years of incommunicado. He is a dear friend, who truly played his part in silencing the voices of doubt inside my own head. I firmly believe that if every human being had a supporting friend like Oz, then we, as humanity, would have achieved so much more.

To my big brother, Bryan, I thank you. I thank you for showing me that anything is possible. It was in your lounge on that Christmas Day that you helped me shape the idea for the book, whilst also encouraging me along the way.

To all my Bali expatriate friends: you suffered with my incessant Bible talk, whilst I was set on this one-track journey. You laughed when appropriate, and you never once told me to shut up. I love you all. Living in Bali for the past seven years has been one of, if not, the greatest experience of my life, and I thank you for playing your part in those memories.

Finally, Id like to thank my publisher, Dangerous Little Books. You took a gamble on me, and the book, and I thank you for the opportunity you have given me to articulate my message.

Penn and Teller

The Bible is a collection of 66 different books, the writings of at least 40 different authors over a period of time that spanned at least 1,500 years. The Bible, however, is not a singular catalogue of these books as the sixty-six books are each respectively assigned to either the Old or New Testament. To illustrate this, the Old Testament comprises of thirty-nine of the sixty six, Genesis to Malachi; whilst the New Testament includes the balance of twenty-seven books, the Gospel of Matthew through the Book of Revelation. Now it is important for non-Jewish audiences to understand that the New Testament is not new, in the sense that it is a modernized or an updated version of the Old Testament, as an alarming number of Christians that I have spoken with incorrectly believe. Jews, for example, dont call it the Old Testament, as for them, there is no new. The Old Testament is the Hebrew Bible, starting there and ending there. Whereas the New Testament is a Christian addendum, or add on, so that their belief may allow for the introduction of their messianic hero Jesus.

The Old Testament, or Hebrew Bible, is the catalogue of Judaism belief. The Hebrew Bible ends where the New Testament begins. For these reasons the Jewish religion is relatively straightforward and uncomplicated. In contrast, the basis for Christianity is highly problematic and confusing because they introduced a special new character, somewhat like writing a new super-hero into a script after filming had already begun. Christopher Hitchens, author of God is Not Great , eloquently makes his punchy position on this:

The new Christian addendum for reasons of brand positioning became the New Testament, and thus the Jews, of which Jesus and his disciples were, laugh and scoff at the Christian story in the same manner that most of us laugh at the idea that seventy-two virgins await in heaven for those that fly aircraft into buildings. But, much to their chagrin, Christians cannot divorce themselves from the Old Testament, or Hebrew Bible, because Jesus biography is hammered and nailed together (bad pun) from Old Testament prophecy and genealogy, i.e. no Old Testament no Jesus!

Further convoluting the whole mono-theistic party punch is the fact that the Koran, the Islamic Bible, has its roots in the Old Testament too, but at the risk of upsetting the unshaven Muslim guy seated next to me on this Trans-Pacific flight, I will dispense with any Islamic observations because I have seen what these guys are capable of when they get pissed!

As you process the stories of the Bible, it is important to remember that the respective authors were not men of modern enlightenment. To put that statement into some kind of context, if we could somehow build a time-travel device and transport Moses from 2000 BC to 2009 AD, his knowledge of the universe would embarrass that of even a 3rd grader. This suggests that religious believers today spend their years on earth in worship of enlightenment and understanding that an eight year old could provide.

The books of the Bible were crafted together by ancient man to explain how his universe and his surroundings came to be. These were books that provided comfort to man, as he feared the dark, death in battle, the sound of thunder, or illness and disease. Within all civilizations, within all societies, the human existence has demonstrated its proclivity to create gods for when we cannot find meaning or understanding. For example, we knew the sun was good because it made our crops grow. No sun, no crops, no food. Therefore we created the Sun God. Similarly, gods for water, fertility, healing, etc.

The earliest books of the Bible, Genesis in particular, were written by ancient Hebrews in an effort to explain how their existence and the things in their environment came about. All civilizations have their roots in folklore, mythology and legend. The ancient Romans believed their existence was founded by the twins Romulus and Remes, both orphaned and raised by a wolf. The ancient Hebrews believed a sky-god placed a man named Adam, created from dust, and a woman, created by Adams rib, on earth to be the first family of their existence.

There is little doubt the Bible, due to its wordiness, size and often incomprehensible translations, is an intimidating book. This explains, in large, why people dont read it. This assertion is corroborated by my own anecdotal experiences, in which I am utterly flabbergasted as to how little my Christian friends actually know of the Bibles claims, commands, assertions, dictums and history. Interestingly, my personal findings seem to be in synch with the findings published in an editorial titled The Greatest Story Never Read: Recovering Biblical Literacy in the Church. The authors findings include a swathe of statistical data that literally would blow the socks off any Baptist preacher or the trousers off a tele-evangelist in a gay brothel. The research showed that 93% of American households own at least one copy of the Bible, but this is what is known of the Good Book:

More than 35% of college attending Christians could not put the following in order: Abraham, the Old Testament prophets, the death of Christ and Pentecost.