Kottler - Change : what really leads to lasting personal transformation

Change

What Really Leads to Lasting Personal Transformation

Jeffrey A. Kottler

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kottler, Jeffrey A.
Change : what really leads to lasting personal transformation / Jeffrey Kottler.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 9780199981380 (hardcover : alk. paper) 1. Change (Psychology) I. Title.
BF637.C4K677 2013
155.25dc23 2013016480

9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper

A s with most writing projects, this one represents a collaboration with a number of contributors, as well as a remarkable editor with whom I have worked for a long time. I wish to thank Dana Bliss, Senior Editor at Oxford, for his consistent support and critical input for this project, and so many others during the past few years. Im also grateful for the assistance of Oxford production staff, including Emily Perry and Benjamin Suazo.

There were a number of scholars and researchers who generously agreed to act as reviewers for this book, providing valuable feedback and critical suggestions, at times challenging me to look more closely at issues and alter my thinking. Im especially indebted to Geoffrey Greif and Meg Selig, who offered a number of suggestions for digging deeper into the subject.

There were hundreds of individuals who shared their stories of transformation with me, only a small fraction of whom are explicitly acknowledged: Katie Robertson, Jamie Littleton, Sarah Childers, Rodney Anderson, Angelica Vasquez, Spencer MacDonald, Sherrill Wiseman, Matt Englar-Carlson, Erica Law, Jamie Alger, Spencer MacDonald, Emily Liwanag, Cynthia Marcolina, Yasamin Amaya, Lori Thomas, Cary Kottler, Lori Drozd, Nadia Muhaidly, Sheila McCabe, Joanna Fick, Meghan Quinn, Christina Spinella, Dawn Hoekman, Jacalyn Schoen, Brian Pfeffer, Katie McAuliffe, Jay Christian, and Briana Hammonds.

T hink of a time in which you overcame a significant, chronic, intractable problem that challenged you for years. This was a pattern of self-defeating behavior that plagued and sabotaged you in all kinds of ways. Then, somehow, you managed to completely turn things around in such a way that the changes persist to this day. What is your best understanding of how this happened and what made the greatest difference?

It is entirely possible that your explanation, based on an imperfect and reconstructed memory, might very well correspond with the recollections of a therapist, supervisor, teacher, parent, coach, or mentor who played an instrumental role. It is far more likely, however, that your reasoning might touch on other factors and influences that were never overtly recognized and honored. Perhaps it wasnt what was actually said or done by someone who assisted you that was most impactful, but rather, a cascade of other events that occurred indirectly or tangentially from that experience. If you conduct your own self-study, you will likely identify many of the same factors that will be covered in the pages that follow.

As we begin this journey together, its important that we are realistic and honest with one another: What are the chances this book will change you? Or more significantly, whats the likelihood that something you might learn within these pages will stick with you long enough to help promote some meaningful improvement in your life satisfaction, happiness, or quality of life? Based on prior experiences, youd have to admit that the prognosis is guarded, especially if you dont initiate constructive action. To bolster this point, just consider how many books or self-help programs youve consulted in your life that promise some kind of deliverance but leave you less than satisfied. On the other hand, sometimes we seamlessly integrate whatever we learn without an explicit awareness of what happened and why. Thats one of the interesting and intriguing things about exploring change processes: even after centuries of systematic study, we still dont really know whats going on.

Youd think after all these years of dedicated research, study, investigation, and clinical practice we would have a pretty good idea about what most consistently and effectively leads to change in peoples lives. Philosophers, writers, educators, psychologists, neurobiologists, and other scientists have spent the past few centuries exploring the factors that produce significant transformations in peoples lives whether they take place in the context of recovery from trauma or crisis, solitary reflection, collaborative relationships, travel experiences, reading or listening to stories, classrooms, psychotherapy, religious conversions, or serendipitous events. There is certainly no shortage of theories (hundreds) and books (thousands) on the subject, each proposing its own singular answers that run the gambit from finding meaning or initiating lifestyle changes to divine intervention.

I have been researching and writing about change for 35 years, adding dozens of tomes to the stack, each intended to guide change agents such as teachers, counselors, psychotherapists, and organizational leaders in their efforts to more effectively help others. Yet with all this devotion and commitment to understanding why and how people change, I am still often puzzled by what appears to be most helpful. For instance, a client I had been seeing in therapy just left my office and I have no idea what, if anything we said or did during the previous hour, had any lasting impact. He seemed to understand what we were doing, that nothing much would change in his life until he stopped dwelling on his situation and instead began reaching out to others, but who knows whether he would actually follow through on his intentions? Did he really provide an accurate report? And if so, could we ever determine what had the most influence?

The truth of the matter is that I often feel confused and frustrated about the impact of my work, whether as a psychologist, professor, writer, or director of a charity, that anything Im doing is having much of an impact. In spite of all the self-improvement books published each year, its more than a little ironic that there is an increasing demand for them precisely