Mary Heineman - Losing Your Shirt: Recovery for Compulsive Gamblers and Their Families

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title	:	Losing Your Shirt : Recovery for Compulsive Gamblers and Their Families
author	:	Heineman, Mary.
publisher	:	Hazelden Publishing
isbn10 | asin	:	1568381263
print isbn13	:	9781568381268
ebook isbn13	:	9780585195933
language	:	English
subject	Compulsive gambling, Compulsive gamblers--Family relationships, Codependency, Twelve-step programs.
publication date	:	1994
lcc	:	RC569.5.G35H44 1992eb
ddc	:	616.85/227
subject	:	Compulsive gambling, Compulsive gamblers--Family relationships, Codependency, Twelve-step programs.

Page i Recovery for Compulsive Gamblers and Their Families Losing Your Shirt Mary Heineman C.S.W., C.A.C. HAZELDEN INFORMATION & EDUCATIONAL SERVICES

Page ii Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 1992 by Mary Heineman All rights reserved. First published by CompCare Publishers 1992 Published by Hazelden 1994 Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher ISBN: 1-56838-126-3 Cover design by MacLean and Tuminelly. Interior design by Linda Kusserow.

Page iii To Ralph, whose love, support, and encouragement helped turn my dream into a reality.

Page v Contents Acknowledgments vii Preface ix Introduction xiii 1 The Degeneration of the Compulsive Gambler's Marriage 1 2 Dynamics in the Compulsive Gambler's Marriage 15 3 Meeting Unmet Needs, Paying the Cost: The Afflicted 31 4 Fighting a Losing Battle: The Affected 51 5 Recovery: On the Steps 81 6 Recovery: Beyond the Steps 127 Conclusion 171 About the Author 173 Do You Have a Gambling Problem? 174 Are You Living with a Compulsive Gambler? 175 The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 178 Gamblers Anonymous: The Twelve Steps of Recovery 179 The GamAnon Suggested Steps to Recovery 181 Where to Go for Help 183 References 185

Page vii Acknowledgments While writing this book I was fortunate to be surrounded by special people. For their help, support, and encouragement, I would like to thank first and foremost my editors Doug Toft and Tim McIndoo, whose editorial skills contributed greatly to the final version of this book. It has been a learning experience and a pleasure working with you. I would also like to thank Henry Lesieur, Ph.D., professor of sociology and anthropology at St. John's University, Jamaica, New York, who swayed me, after years of being a clinician, to write. Also, my colleagues who shared my desire for such a book so that others could begin to understand that compulsive gambling is a serious emotional illness. My good friends, especially Jane Murphy, Franca Mills, Evelyn Di Capua, Gina L'Hommedieu, Jean Toy, Maryjoan Dunne, Penny Sussman, Marilyn Zetner, and M. J. Albiston. Their love, support, and ongoing interest made this endeavor a family affair. Clarie Heineman, whom I have long admired for her spirit, her independence, and her determination to succeed.

Page viii My parents, from whom I am blessed with memories of warmth and love. Mom, I wish you were here. My children, Rolf, Jill, and Jennifer, each of whom occupies a special place in my heart, shared by none. Tom Damato, who never forgot I had a dream. Three little people, Tiffany, Aaron, and Brett, whose angelic voices and endearing smiles continually remind me how precious are the years of childhood. All the recovering compulsive gamblers and their family members who have allowed me to touch their lives. I thank you for touching mine. My Higher Power, who set me free after I decided to let go and let Him.

Page ix Preface The fact that you are holding this book in your hands tells me that on some level you have an interest in compulsive gambling. Perhaps you picked up this book because someone you love loves to gamble and you are now concerned that the gambling is getting out of control. If that is so, this book has much to offer you. If you read every page you will learn just how you could be kept in the dark for so long and not know what was going on in your own home; why you are always feeling so confused; or why you continually blame yourself for much of the madness. You will learn how your husband is covering up so many debts and how he is so good at keeping you in the dark. You will learn how he is getting the money he needs to gamble when you can't even pay for the bare necessities or put food on your table.

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