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Soraya Chemaly - Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger

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A transformative book urging twenty-first century-women to embrace their anger and harness it as a tool for lasting personal and societal change.
Women are angry, and it isnt hard to figure out why.
We are underpaid and overworked. Too sensitive, or not sensitive enough. Too dowdy or too made-up. Too big or too thin. Sluts or prudes. We are harassed, told we are asking for it, and asked if it would kill us to smile. Yes, yes it would.
Contrary to the rhetoric of popular self-help and an entire lifetime of being told otherwise, our rage is one of the most important resources we have, our sharpest tool against both personal and political oppression. Weve been told for so long to bottle up our anger, letting it corrode our bodies and minds in ways we dont even realize. Yet our anger is a vital instrument, our radar for injustice and a catalyst for change. On the flip side, the societal and cultural belittlement of our anger is a cunning way of limiting and controlling our power.
We are so often told to resist our rage or punished for justifiably expressing it, yet how many remarkable achievements in this world would never have gotten off the ground without the kernel of anger that fueled them?Rage Becomes Hermakes the case that anger is not what gets in our way, itisour way, sparking a new understanding of one of our core emotions that will give women a liberating sense of why their anger matters and connect them to an entire universe of women no longer interested in making nice at all costs.
Following in the footsteps of classic feminist manifestos likeThe Feminine MystiqueandOur Bodies, Ourselves,Rage Becomes Heris an eye-opening book for the twenty-first century woman: an engaging, accessible credo offering us the tools to re-understand our anger and harness its power to create lasting positive change.

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Praise for

RAGE BECOMES HER


Intelligent and keenly observed, this is a bracingly liberating call for the right of women to own their anger and use it to benefit a society at risk for authoritarianism. Important, timely, necessary reading.

Kirkus Reviews (starred)

How many women cry when angry because weve held it in for so long? How many discover that anger turned inward is depression?... Rage Becomes Her will be good for women and for the future of this country. After all, women have a lot to be angry about.

Gloria Steinem

Soraya Chemaly turns her rigorous compassion, scrupulous fairness, and microscopically sharp clarity of thought on our cultures forced suppression of female anger.... Get ready for the age of womens anger. Our world will never be the same. And, yes, thats a threat.

Lindy West, New York Times bestselling author of Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman

To those who think #MeToo has gone too far: read this book. To those who think #MeToo hasnt gone far enough: read this book! To those who havent given #MeToo a thought: you damned well better read this book! Soraya Chemaly marshals solid research with unapologetic passion and humor, in compelling prose. Men should read this book to understand women; women should read this book to understand themselves. Rage Becomes Her could save your life.

Robin Morgan, award-winning author and activist

An encyclopedic look at the myriad of ways that female anger has been repressed, silenced, and omitted to preserve and perpetuate the status quo.... Chemalys case for female rage is inarguably prescient. This book will make you angryin a really, really good way.

Liz Plank, executive producer, Vox.com

This explosive, vital, and unapologetic book lifts the lid on a hugely important but little-discussed aspect of gender inequality. With skill, wit, and sharp insight, Chemaly peels back layers of cultural norms and repression to lay bare the reality of womens rage. She joins the dots to trace the connections between misogyny, violence, and the repression of female anger. She weaves a path that takes us from pornography to the playground, media to medicine. This book should make you furious. It is a battle cry for womens right to rageteaching us that we have every right to be angry and demanding that the world pays attention to that anger.

Laura Bates, author of Girl Up and Everyday Sexism

By taking us through her own journey as a daughter, mother, and writer, Chemaly forces us to examine why gender matters in anger, how we can un-gender our emotions, encouraging her reader to be angry, be loud, and embrace the rage that burns inside of you.

Anushay Hossein, writer and political commentator

Rage Becomes Her The Power of Womens Anger - image 1

Rage Becomes Her The Power of Womens Anger - image 2

An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2018 by Soraya Chemaly

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Atria Books hardcover edition September 2018

Rage Becomes Her The Power of Womens Anger - image 3 and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or .

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Interior design by Suet Yee Chong

Jacket design by Donna Cheng

Author photograph by Karen Sayre

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Chemaly, Soraya L., author.

Title: Rage becomes her / by Soraya L. Chemaly.

Description: First Atria Books hardcover edition. | New York : Atria Books, 2018.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018010867| ISBN 9781501189555 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781501189562 (trade pbk.) | ISBN 9781501189579 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: WomenPsychology. | Anger. | WomenSocial conditions.

Classification: LCC HQ1206 .C455 2018 | DDC 155.3/33dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018010867

ISBN 978-1-5011-8955-5

ISBN 978-1-5011-8957-9 (ebook)

To angry women,

shameless girls,

and the men who trust us,

especially,

for their love and encouragement,

my mother, Norma;

my daughters, Isabelle, Caroline, and Noel;

and my husband, Thomas

Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.

AUDRE LORDE

Every act of becoming conscious (it says here in this book) is an unnatural act.

ADRIENNE RICH, THE PHENOMENOLOGY OF ANGER


INTRODUCTION

NICE TO MEET YOU, RAGE

M y parents 1965 wedding was a lavish affair that went on for more than twenty hours, with over five hundred guests in attendance. Photos show glamorous women in long evening gowns and smiling men in carefully tailored black tie standing, in glittering groups, around a cake that covered the expanse of a five-foot square table.

Among the most prized gifts my parents received that day was their wedding china. These white-and-gold plates were more than an expensive gesture: they were an important symbol of adulthood and their communitys and familys approval of marriage in general and of this marriage in particular. For my mother, they represented a core aspect of her identity: that of being a woman, soon to be mother, the nurturer of her family. Growing up, these look-but-dont-touch dishes were at the top of a hierarchy of plates that my mother established. When my siblings and I were small, we used them only on the rarest and most special occasions and always with great care.

Thats why, one day when I was fifteen, I was dumbfounded to see my mother standing on the long veranda outside our kitchen, chucking one china plate after another as far and as hard as she could into the hot, humid air. Our kitchen was on the second floor of a house that sat perched at the top of a long, rolling hill. I watched each dish soar through the atmosphere, its weight generating a sharp, steady trajectory before shattering into pieces on the terrace far below.

While the image is vivid in my mind, I have no memory of any sound. What I remember most was that there was no noise at all as my mother methodically threw one, then another, then another, over and over until her hands were finally free. She didnt utter a sound the entire time. I have no idea if she even knew anyone was watching. When she was done, she walked back into the kitchen and asked me how my school day had gone, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. I desperately wanted to know what I had witnessed, but it didnt feel like a good time to ask questions, so I sat and worked on my homework as my mother prepared dinner and the day morphed into night. We never talked about anger.

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