Lili Boisvert - Screwed: How Women Are Set Up to Fail at Sex

Copyright Dundurn Press, 2019

Originally published in French under the title Le principe du cumshot: le dsir des femmes sous lemprise des clichs sexuels 2017 VLB diteur

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise (except for brief passages for purpose of review) without the prior permission of Dundurn Press. Permission to photocopy should be requested from Access Copyright.

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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Boisvert, Lili, 1985
[Principe du cumshot. English]
Screwed: how women are set up to fail at sex / Lili
Boisvert; translated by Arielle Aaronson.

Translation of: Le principe du cumshot.
Includes bibliographical references.
Issued in print and electronic formats.
ISBN 978-1-4597-4357-1 (softcover).--ISBN 978-1-4597-4358-8 (PDF).-- ISBN 978-1-4597-4359-5 (EPUB)

1. Women--Sexual behaviour. 2. Sexual instinct. 3. Sexualfreedom. I. Aaronson, Arielle, translator II. Title. II. Title: Principedu cumshot. English

1 2 3 4 5 23 22 21 20 19

The translation was realized with the financial support of the Socit de dveloppement des entreprises culturelles (SODEC).

We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts, which last year invested $153 million to bring the arts to Canadians throughout the country, and the Ontario Arts Council for our publishing program. We also acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Ontario, through the Ontario Book Publishing Tax Credit and Ontario Creates, and the Government of Canada.

Nous remercions le Conseil des arts du Canada de son soutien. Lan dernier, le Conseil a investi 153 millions de dollars pour mettre de lart dans la vie des Canadiennes et des Canadiens de tout le pays.

Care has been taken to trace the ownership of copyright material used in this book. The author and the publisher welcome any information enabling them to rectify any references or credits in subsequent editions.

J. Kirk Howard, President

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This book is about sex more specifically, about female desire. But it might not be quite what you expect.

I know from experience (after all, Ive often been labelled a sex maniac because of what I do) that when it comes to sex, people have a lot of preconceived notions. And since I dont want to be accused of false advertising, lets set a few things straight.

THIS BOOK IS NOT:

1. Advocating that women explore their sexuality further

Although this book is about female desire, I will not urge women to boost their libido by experimenting more in bed. I will not tell them to go buy sexy lingerie so they feel like a woman. I will not describe how to give the worlds best blowjob after all, how would I know?

2. A guide for men

If you are looking for advice on how to find your partners (or partners) G spot, you will be disappointed. And the same goes for men looking for tricks to pick up women again, how would I know?

3. An anti-man manifesto

Some men might feel attacked as they read this book, but my work isnt about men or their behaviour. It isnt even about female behaviour, so to speak. Rather, this book focuses on relationships between men and women.

4. A book for couples, or people looking for love

This book is not aimed at couples hoping to spice up their sex life, or at singles looking for a relationship. On the contrary, it is a universal exploration of human sexuality.

THIS BOOK IS:

1. Western-centric

The book will look at Western perceptions of sex. Some of my arguments may very well apply to other regions of the world, but I will limit my work to the culture I know and avoid drawing universal conclusions.

2. Heterosexual in focus

This book is first and foremost about cisgender heterosexual relations. The idea is not to dismiss or invalidate homosexual or bisexual relations or relations of members of the transgender community, but I will be focusing on relations between cis men and women, as they constitute the dominant model of sex on which our culture is built.

3. A critical reflection on sex

These pages contain a critical analysis of how sexual clichs influence our collective behaviours, and how they affect and shape womens desire, depriving them of their autonomy.

I get this question a lot, and I can understand why. Given the abundant literature written about sex, its omnipresence on screens all around us, and the billions of porn videos we have access to, you might think weve exhausted the subject yet the reality is, weve barely scratched the surface.

I believe the sexual revolution that began in the 1960s came to an abrupt halt, and were still living in the world that produced it. Womens sexual liberation, one of feminisms key platforms, never came to fruition all we had was a brief taste.

Sure, were probably talking more about sex today than we did before, but only on a superficial level. The media tend to take a condescending approach to the subject. It is treated lightly, using comedy, or as a strictly biological affair, but rarely discussed in terms of its relevance or importance to society as a whole. So many questions are left unresolved or get brushed aside with simplistic answers.

Why do we have sex? What attracts us to other people? Why are our fantasies so similar? Why do we adopt certain behaviours in bed rather than others? And why do we have such specific expectations when it comes to the dynamics of seduction between a man and a woman?

Most theories centre on the notion that when it comes to sex, the way things are currently is necessary and unchangeable. Why do we prefer women with large breasts and a slim waist? Because theyre more fertile. Why are men so driven by a desire to have sex? Because of testosterone.

By blaming biology, we ignore the fact that humans social creatures by nature are influenced by a range of environmental factors. These explanations sidestep the richness and complexity of human motivations.